Are we too guarded?

 Matthew Arcila (@coolcatmatt)9 years, 9 months ago

By guarded I mean untrusting. Today I was telling my friend nice things and I felt like she was on guard the whole time and I was just like whhaaaaat this is totally getting in the way.

October 19, 2011 at 11:39 pm
Anonymous (2,654) (@) 7 years, 11 months ago ago

A lot of people are, aren’t they? But this can be also a good thing to prevent disappointments.

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”
― Maya Angelou

[Hidden]
Henrique Silva (2) (@hjsilva) 7 years, 11 months ago ago

@beyond, but that is the thing most of the times you do it for fear from previous experiences but are all the experiences the same?

[Hidden]
Anonymous (2,654) (@) 7 years, 11 months ago ago

@hjsilva, I just saw this, sorry. I think so too. But I think sometimes it’s worth taking the risk. Like a leap of faith to trust, because you’ll already have expectations and previous fears won’t have the same effect if we’re already prepared of them, or at least not like they were the first time. And the more leaps we take, the more experience and expectations we’ll have, a better judgment and the bigger chance to meet more trustworthy people. I’ve noticed a difference from my childhood and my life as an adult now. It’s like people my age now pay little to no attention to promises. It’s like promises aren’t as valued, because of that lack of trust people develop as they grow because someone abused it, or think of their experiences as failures naivety. I think that’s stupid, and those that understand the power of a promise and respect themselves enough, would do it for the challenge of being a better person than they were, rather than choose to be unreliable. It’s just what I’ve been thinking lately.

[Hidden]
Henrique Silva (2) (@hjsilva) 7 years, 11 months ago ago

@beyond First I think that we have to take risks. Most of the times implies suffering but as you said we’ll have new experiences. A lot of this knowledge I acquired from the Road Less travelled.

I’m just astonished xD. You talked about promises :), I have been thinking this about some days. I made a promise while I was in love. I feel that now that promise isn’t so strong but I feel compelled to do it even now. I feel that if I break it then I won’t be strong enough to make better/stronger promises. Thanks for your input. It gave me a push.

The promise now is for a friend who needs to believe in promises :).

[Hidden]
RoyalT (0) (@RoyalT) 7 years, 11 months ago ago

You meet someone, you spend some time getting to know each other, and eventually you settle/rise to a level of friendship you are both comfortable with. Its called an implied contract. When someone does something out of the ordinary (even if it is nice) it breaks the implied contract. This causes you to either reenter the discovery phase and settle at a new level of friendship or to act defensive, blow it off, and try to continue under the contract. I think its difficult for people at this phase to build trust because you have shown yourself to be unpredictable and in a way volatile. Its interesting you bring up promises, because even though you never vocalized it you have broken an implied agreement.

This is how I think it relates to your post. If you’re on public bus, there is an implied contract that you don’t talk to each other. Im not saying its the right thing, its just the culture and the environment. An implied “social” contract if you will. If you break a social contract, you get labeled as weird, odd, or at the very least not normal. I think the problem with our modern culture is that there are a very few ways that you can get to know someone and let them get to know you without breaking social contracts.

Any thoughts on this?

[Hidden]
load more