Just recently I went through an experience that was holistically reassuring that marijuana is absolutely not for me. I’m one of those people who cannot enjoy the THC experience anymore. I’m not a greenhorn when it comes to bud by any means. I smoked cheap bud sparingly through high school, mostly on the weekends with friends. Toward college medical grade was easily in Florida, and smoking became an almost every day occurrence. And I absolutely loved it. The moments were unique, philosophizing was the meaning of life, and food seemed felt like a drug in itself. My friends and I macgyvered all sorts of iron lungs and gravity/waterfall bongs. Then we started investing on gas masks, vapes, vortexs, and odd pieces. About two years ago (after smoking happily for four) bud became less satisfying, and fell in the category of a chore. Though I wasn’t purchasing any during this time, it was readily available when I was out with friends. While high, I started to become anxious in my surroundings that led to inarticulate communication with people I’m comfortable with. There was also endless accounts of analysis on trivial matters, and sometimes I felt a loss in my physical composer like breathing, balance and speech.
The feeling of marijuana experiences through a time started from elation, relaxation, complacency, then just bad highs. My reasoning for the bad highs was wholly myself, as my friends never have talked about bad vibes while being stoned. I would get panic attacks, and leave my friends without saying goodbye. Parties were a nightmare if I smoked. I couldn’t hold a conversation because I was talking and worrying to myself, all in my head.The social anxiety was daunting and I was aware of how ridiculous my actions were, even while committing them. If I was already high by myself, and people invited me to hangout I would lie about why I couldn’t come. I couldn’t say, ” I’m really high and anxious as hell, so I’m going contemplate on why i can’t do normal people stuff, maybe tomorrow ;).” Looking back it would have been rather hilarious. My biggest hang up was the shame of not being able to open up to my friends and just not smoke.
Bare with me, I’m getting to the good nugz.
I just got back from the ELECTRIC DAISY CARNIVAL!!! First music fest that had dubstep, trance, trap, and all sorts of sub genres of techno. I was also introduced to the sub culture of PLUR, which stands for peace, love, unity, and respect. It’s a comforting setting that is set in place at a huge festival. Everyone is for the most part nice, and meeting random people is almost impossible at a plur fan based festival. I bought a two day pass and had the time of my life. Danced and raged for a total of around 10 hours between both days. Throughout both days I had little comings and going of pure elation, feeling like god, seeing everyone as stardust, thinking the present could not be any more perfect.
On the second night of the festival, before the big headliner, I had a complete 180 degree change in my disposition. I hadn’t smoked at all for a solid 2 months. While feeling like god, i was offered a joint, and accepted thinking everything was perfect and nothing could ruin this experience. I was dancing in sea of thousands of people while the vibes were unrealistically amazing. As the bud steeped into my mind I suddenly couldn’t find myself to dance, let alone listen to the music. I had to step away from everyone I was with and find a place to sit and breath. The festival was insanely dense with people. I started bumping into everyone, tripping, while holding a cold stone face. I was scared out of my fucking mind for no reason. I mindlessly wandered for what seemed like forever looking for a place sit with just a hint of quietude. There were three stages blaring music, thousands upon thousands of people, and spontaneous light shows in any direction. So I found myself sitting by the lake in the middle of the venue, paranoid that the people around me are talking about how fucked up I am. All the while, 7 of the friends I came with are heading to the big headliner ‘Knife Party,’ which I was the most excited to see out of all the two day fest. Again, I was aware of my paranoia but could not get myself back in action. I would get hints of realizations of how I was acting, get up and at least walk and look around, but I was too uncertain of myself of how to look at someone.
I met up with my friends after the show, had to explain my bad trip ( also took a small amount of molly before the joint, which probably didn’t help with the overload of sensation), and went back to the hotel (I’m not new to molly either). I couldn’t even focus conversations with them. I was trying to keep my cool so bad, I just wanted to release whatever this tension was inside me. I killed the vibe so bad the rest of the night, and was utterly terrified of how I was acting.
I thought I couldn’t smoke weed because of my mental state of mind. I now realize that it unearths whatever state of mind I have into nothing but a paranoid version of myself. I went to feeling one with everything to an unnerving nobody. I’m never smoking again. It ruined the last night of the festival and time I could have spent with my friends. The next day I apologized for the bad trip, and reinforced my new found discovery of how weed makes me feel mentally- like a quaking bag of bull shit. Having a bad trip/ panic attack in the midst of thousands of people is quite the experience, though. I’m not going to regret an anticipated night of fun that didn’t happen, but I won’t forget it.
It doesn’t change how I feel about other people smoking obviously. I earnestly wish weed wouldn’t do this to me.
Has anyone had a panic attack or paranoia induced by bud? Like a reallllly bad one? I would love to hear it…
Gare, there is something very wrong in your life that you’re not dealing with. The cannabis is making you conscious of it, now you need to deal with this issue. This is what is bringing the panic on. Its trying to show you the truth.
@josephm There is nothing I’ve been procrastinating, I took a year off school to travel and live life. I have little stresses and I’m happy where ever i go. I was at a festival with my best friends having the time of my life one second, then the next, I shut down.
@patrickbateman I don’t have real serious issues. I’m 21, not homeless, no broken heart, not in debt. I’ve had the same instances happen over a year, I’m not ruminating any particular problem in my life. Is it possible that cannabis does not settle with everyone’s psyche the same way?
I had a similar experience, though I am not really sure if cannabis is the reason for it, maybe it just magnifies the problem as some people already suggested in this topic.
I quit smoking approximately a year ago after having smoked for more than 10 years with period of daily smoking to less severe periods of only in the weekends, though I have smoked quite some kilos of marihuana in my life.
So last year I decided to quit totally and tried it a few weeks ago with my girlfriend who never tried it before but wanted to experience it once in her life.
Experience wasn’t good either, though I believe it just magnified my state of being at that moment. Dark, negative thoughts, fears and insecurities, everything came on the surface. I usually don’t get these kind of negative experiences with drugs, so it was quite shocking for me. In my opinion it is not necessary the marihuana that causes this, though it is probably a magnifying tool of whatever conscious or unconscious shit you are not dealing with
Yes, I have had countless experiences like the one you described. For this reason I usually abstain from smoking. I can get past the anxiety if I press on and continue using it day after day until I get used to the feeling, but I’d rather just not touch it, most of the time.
There are times when it has been very beneficial for me, for example when I am very nervous and anxious about something already. I’ve been in that state and then smoked and then was able to view my situation much more objectively and stop worrying. For this reason I can see the plant’s value medicinally, but it’s not a normal part of my life.
What’s the point of acclimating myself to an experience if it’s going to cost discomfort and money, plus make me groggy and tired, etc? I feel sort of like I am stoned by default a lot of the time anyway. I used to love weed but as time goes on I enjoy highs from intoxicants less and less.