Attachment/ I get way too attached

 ces’t la vie (@citygirl9050)5 years, 10 months ago

I think my biggest flaw is that I get way too attached to people.

Problems arise (in my opinion) because:
1. They are wrong people for me. Even though I think they are right at first, thus why I get attached, and then I end up getting hurt.

2. It scares them because me getting attached way too fast, probably before they do, perhaps intimidates them and that’s why they take space from me or talk to me less?

I know I think too much… but I can’t help it. I get way too attached to people, places, and things, and the comedown from the rejection hurts like a bitch. Maybe I am just on a different level of consciousness then the people I fall for :/. Do you think it’s possible to find someone out there for me who is on the same level of consciousness as me?  I really want/need deep connections in my life and I love finding spiritual connections with people. Am I too deep? I don’t mean to be, but I can’t help it. :/

Thanks for listening. Or reading.

August 10, 2015 at 8:36 am
Dhyan (37) (@Dhyan) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

I am  looking for a partner 

To me opinions  and personality  are not real.  I think in afterlife  we will dance  with our enemies,.  As we are just actors  in a situation  we don’t understand.  I always  felt  that one relationship  would  do,  as it would be just a matter  of communication,  and openess. 
 I recognise  you’re  situation,   I have no clue  or its good or dumb :-)       and  maybe  maybe  we might be more  right sided  orientated  in brains.  I am on a relationship site  with  the same request,  more connection,  more eye contact,  more sharing ,  more  meditation,  tantra  etc.  The responses  are low :-)      

 Greetings  from here 

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EtherealSoul (10) (@EtherealSoul) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

It’s interesting to come across this because I’ve been thinking a lot lately about attachments, neediness, and self-worth. I have struggled with this same issue and still do to some extent, so maybe some of the information I share here will be helpful. First of all, I think it’s great that you’re aware and honest about your tendency to get overly attached. Being totally honest with ourselves is the only way we can truly grow. Secondly, I don’t want to make assumptions about your situation, but there could be an unhealed wound from your childhood that has caused you to seek love and validation from others.

Being abandoned at an early age or being raised by a parent who was emotionally distant or unaffectionate can cause a child to develop the belief that they’re not worthy or loved. This can also lead to attachment issues both as a child and into adulthood. Try reflecting on your childhood to see if any of that applies. The goal is not to start playing the blame game because the past is behind us now. It just helps us understand why we developed some of our beliefs and behaviors.

I don’t know why exactly people continue distancing themselves from you, but it can actually be beneficial to keep attracting the wrong people since it highlights some of our weaknesses that we can try to overcome. Those people who hurt you might have unhealed wounds, too, that affect the way they treat others. The best way to overcome neediness is to develop more self-love. Find ways to treat yourself well. Speak kindly to yourself. Give yourself whatever you wish others would give you. If no one wants to be around you, go have fun doing whatever you want alone. That cliche about how you end up finding what you want when you stop looking for it has been true in my experience. After desperately seeking a partner for almost two years and going on lots of dates that led to nothing, I finally accepted my situation and decided to have fun alone. Two months after that, I met my current boyfriend.

Maybe these will be useful:
http://personalityspirituality.net/articles/the-michael-teachings/chief-features/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201207/clingy-intimacy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AmXDLGLSvU

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ces’t la vie (197) (@citygirl9050) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

Thank you so much. 

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Persona (1) (@persona) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

I think this makes many people suffer, including myself sometimes.

Perhaps the root of the problem is not located where it seems. Perhaps the solution is not to look for great and secure relationships with others but to work in our connection with ourselves. I’m not saying it’s bad to want to relate with others, but have you consider that maybe you give relationships and connections with people more importance than what they have? 

This people you get attached to may not view relations as such a primordial part of their lifes so they don’t care as much about them. 

Like @etherealsoul said, a lot of people get unhealthily attached because they lacked a strong bond with their parents as kids. 

I don’t really know you, so this may not apply to you at all and is just a theory. I hope you are ok and don’t mind any mistakes in my writing, my mother language is not English!

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EtherealSoul (10) (@EtherealSoul) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

Yes, that’s a good point you made regarding how some people may not place as much value on relationships. Last year I had the experience of becoming friends with someone who I connected with so well, which rarely happens for me, so I got really excited about the potential to become good friends with her. Unfortunately, she does not like to maintain frequent contact with anyone but her partner. Some of her other friends complained to her that she is too unreliable. I tried to lower my expectations and settle for whatever interaction I could get from her, but it was frustrating to feel like I enjoyed and appreciated our friendship much more than she did. In cases like that, the issue is that each person has different preferences for the amount of interaction they are comfortable with. Sometimes we might be too needy in a relationship, but other times, maybe we just want something deeper and more meaningful than the other person is interested in offering. It doesn’t make either person right or wrong. It’s better to find those people who understand our preferences and are willing to make compromises if we are being reasonable about our expectations.

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Persona (1) (@persona) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

Something like this also happened to me recently and I learned that I, and a lot of people I know, tend to take it really personal and to think that something went wrong. In reality everithing could’ve been ok and that was just the duration the relationship had to have.. 

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EtherealSoul (10) (@EtherealSoul) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

Very true. I, too, tend to take things like that personally. I will wonder what went wrong or try to determine if there is something about my personality or behavior that the other person finds off-putting, but I have learned it’s usually less about me and more about how two people want different things. When it doesn’t work out, I find it helpful to be thankful for meeting the person and for whatever they offered to me at the time. The people who understand my preferences have never complained or hinted that I am needy. It’s when someone’s preferences differ too much from our own that there is the possibility of coming across as too needy or too distant.

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Perspect (3) (@Perspect) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

Hi,

With due respect of the fact that you are presently unhappy about the situation you are in, I think your situation is more of a blessing than a problem, depending on perspective of course! At the root of this situation is your thinking, which by your admission, is ‘too much”. When you think too much about something, anything, you tend to see more detail than what someone averagely looking at something would see. This above average view of small things becomes what can be regarded as an artist’s view to life, where you see things that others may easily be oblivious to. Not only do you see things at a low level, you are also a grateful person who appreciates the small mercies of life. For you, a little pat on the shoulder would actually mean someone cares for you; and if you were to find yourself in a little empty cottage in  a forest far away, you would likely appreciate the fact that it could be worse if it had no roof. The people like you that I met are normally easy going and never hard to please. With regard to you viewing this as a problem, I would suggest that maybe the remedy would be to firstly accept who you are fully. There is a time and space for everything and everyone ever created, however unusual. Secondly, try to resolve your intentions about a person (especially a romantic encounter) as quick as you can and then be honest to them regarding how you feel and your intention to go through the motions of what it takes to get there (this is what you may need to develop within yourself – ability to take a deep breath and to enjoy the journey to mutual discovery, appreciation and consensus)

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ces’t la vie (197) (@citygirl9050) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

Thank you so much for this. I feel like you can sense what type of person I am and I agree with you.

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