I’ve always thought I was selfish and felt shame in it. Well yea as a kid it was hard for me to share. I used to feel this feelings of butterflies rushing up my chest when a person asks me to borrow something from me. Even now I can’t even let my phone go for a minute. But I have reason for that. My brain always seemed to cook up the worst scenarios. “What if he steals it?” Or “What if she drops it?” I’ve always and most likely forever going to think that way. Though I’ve gotten better control now the butterflies still take flight. But now they’ve stepped up a notch. I feel this feeling whenever I am speaking to a friend but their friend (to whom I don’t know) comes up and speaks to them. It doesn’t infuriate me it just makes me take a “social blow” to the heart. A social blow is my term for very awkward moments. Social Blows are quite common in first dates, job interviews, or parties. Basically anywhere that requires your social participation. I’m mostly hit by these awkward bombs when I am out with a friend (who is a girl) and other guys try to talk to her. I feel my body go into like this jealous defensive mode. I have developed sort of a method to get my mind off of the advent jealousy. Its simple I just keep blasting my mind with thoughts such as “Don’t assume!” They will still.be your friend!” “Chill out!” And on the surface I just keep a clean smile.
So what I want to ask is….
Is this normal (or common) ?
Does this only happen to males?
How do you get pass these “Social Blows” ?
I know this is a little blunt, but don’t be the ‘cockblocker’. Remind yourself what your female friend is to you: Is she a potential lover/wifey? Is she just a really good friend? Either way, if you got to give her space. I’m assuming, since you’re feeling jealousy, that you have intimate feelings for your friend. If you show her that you can be (what I describe) “nonchalantly interested” instead of wagging your tail in front of her, she’ll start becoming more interested in you as well bro. If a girl wants a puppy, she can go out and buy one at a pet store. Best of luck to you man!
@man-of-the-future, This is definitely a common thing; I’ve seen a couple of my friends feel like this before. The stem of this jealousy (at least the social type you’re feeling) is insecurity. Even with what you said about not wanting to let go of your phone, that obviously comes from you being insecure and thinking that someone might break it, it’s just that with the person-to-person problems, you probably have insecurities about yourself.
The two things that I think will help are trying to raise your self esteem and stepping out of your comfort zone every once in a while.
If you know you’re going out with someone who you’ve gotten jealous about before or might get jealous about considering the type of outing or relationship, go up to the mirror and give yourself a pep talk. A lot of people say this, and at first it sounds like the stupidest thing on the planet and you think you’re going to look like a total loser, but you’ve gotta be able to laugh at yourself. Make it silly. Loosen up.
With stepping out of the comfort zone, I’ll tell you that I knew a guy once that didn’t touch people. Even high-fives were strictly avoided because he just didn’t like physical interaction. One day we were with a couple mutual friends and he started walking around and giving everyone hugs. He admitted that he had slowly been trying to touch people more because he didn’t like the way he felt and wanted to “just get over it.”
Obviously these things don’t work for everyone, Bt the two main things you have to do are have more faith in yourself and try your best to get out of this rut, not further into it.
@man-of-the-future, this is a very common thing , almost everyone has it but at different stages.The only thing i suggest is that you should try to minimize attachment to possessions . they end up owning you and not the other way around ( like your phone) whereas about your friend if she really wants to be with you she will be don’t worry about it or get jealous about it you will only end up spoiling your relationship .