My ex ended our romantic relationship about six weeks ago. I met her at university, but it became long distance when I flunked out due to boredom and a lack of purpose. She ended it because she felt that me not putting effort into staying enrolled reflected not valuing our relationship enough. Even so, we have been best friends since we met, and we both want to continue that. This week she told me that she had lost her virginity to her new boyfriend. I can’t stop thinking about missing out on the opportunity for both of us to lose our virginities with one another. It would have been a very deep and profound expression of trust and affection. This feeling is preventing me from being able to talk with my best friend. How do I overcome this sense of loss, rejection, and jealousy? How do I fall out of love with her?
I’m sorry. People grow at their own pace and that does screw up what we would like to happen a lot. Relationships confuse us so much because of the sameness we can feel with another and yet can’t control them or ourselves so often. She probably lost trust in the security of your shared future because of your struggles and tried to protect herself. You can make sure when you do lose your virginity that it’s symbolic the way you want it to be.
My advice is to cut off contact with her for a while. Continuing to talk at this point is detrimental to your well being. How will you heal if you keep having your wounds ripped open and don’t give yourself any space from the situation? I know you are probably afraid of losing the friendship, but it is a lot more likely that you will be able to maintain one in the future, if you step back from it now.