Psychoactives definitely turn on (or off) a part of your brain every time they enter your system. No two ways about it. If you’re on the precipice of a thought or idea and you smoke, you’re either going to have some kind of breakthrough, or it’s going to dominate your thoughts. Depends on what you’re doing and if they’re other stimulus around too.
For me, personally, I never get profound revelations from cannabis anymore, but it still puts me in a better frame of mind to have really long, elaborate, trippy conversations. If I want aid in turning inside and having a deep think session, stripping my ego away: mushrooms.
Lately I’ve had very scary experiences with Marijuana. I believe Marijuana is a tool, like most people, and that its not needed and is only used appropriately in moderation. Lately though I have been having similar experiences in the sense of understanding the universe, understanding that I may just be a conscious observer in this entire creation and that, well, this world is just a bunch of light, and atoms, and our true being is consciousness and thats how our universe even exists. It scares me to want to write different and say my universe, because this may not be real. And thats kind of upsetting, but also liberating. Its upsetting because every person who I believed was real is just a product of my imagination in a way. And also liberating because when people pass away and when I experience death, it is like watching a TV show and waiting for a new season from a new interesting show.
It scary to think that way and I felt paranoid, alone from the experience. It may have to do with a lot of reasons though, 1, the physical environment, 2, the people we associate with and their vibes, 3. our mental/ spiritual and physical health. I honestly think that one you realize these new ways of perceiving life, its not meant to say” well thats that” because think about life, god. There is things our there much more profound and what we know now may be absolutely false.
Just because there is the double slit experiment that proves certain things in life as you and I are one consciousness. May be just the tip of the ice burg and may be ultimately false and we shouldn’t have to judge our life and perceive it with this believe in mind. We can change our perception.
Things are grey, there is no black and white that I’ve ever experienced in life. Its like a graph from -10, 0, +10. Everything and everyone exists as a binary, only large and small compared to something or someone else and an infinite dynamic range.
So some things are hard to put into words, but it may be true. Truth is, I have had these experiences from weed and have never done any drug stronger. I enjoy wine now occasionally and peace of mind/ nature. Lets be honest, the world has its hell and its heaven, and what we may be experiencing are the polarities of existence. There probably is a balance that one must achieve to see perfectly clearly. May smoking weed taps you into pure consciousness, but if you believe in a creator, maybe the creator created us in a way that we are united by this consciousness and this physical nature (personal body and extended body), by mind (a self regulated process with regulate the flow of energy and information, and ofcoure spirit. There are much to be learned and experienced and I believe it may be a dangerous assumption to go about believing what you experienced with a physical plant. I am starting to believe Love has something to do with an enjoyable life, as well as happiness and gratitude, as well as balance in all areas of life.. Sometimes even moderation in moderation.
Anyways, thanks for allowing me to write here and who ever reads this, whomever may get something out of it. Good luck, blessings and love!
I hope that i can shed a somewhat different perspective on the matter of pot smoking. But first i want to add that i dont smoke pot anymore because of fear of my hppd and anxiety getting worse. But atleast once a day i think about my sweet sweet sensi.
Anyway, here it goes.
I had been smoking cannabis daily for about 3 years and i came over this bud wich was harvested way to early and made me real paranoid. But I still smoked around 30 grams of this shit over the course of 2 months. So i had to stop smoking for a while.
About 3 months later i was still smoking but not as regulary and some of the highs made me real shaky. During this period i was really into the ide of using pot as some kind of reward, and not using it as a regular occupation.
So one day i had some mushrooms and decided to go out in nature to trip. And i had this one joint with me that i was going to save towards the end of the trip.
After a while i climbed this big hill with the ide of feeling some kind of accomplishment at the top. And when i got to the top i sat down on a rock and lit upp my joint (hash and tobacco).
The first thought that pops in to my head was; Why are you doing this? Why are you breathing death? You should be breathing life.
I start to be really grossed out, but i keep on smoking because you know i had “earned” it and i was supposed to enjoy it. But it really tasted like shit, even though i usually enjoy the taste of hash and tobacco.
Then it was like the the voice in my head slapped me over my head and said;
LOOK YOU STUPID IDIOT! YOU ARE A STONER! SMOKING IS WHAT YOU DO, ITS YOUR OCCUPATION, IT IS WHAT YOU DO TO PASS THE TIME. ITS NOT SOME FORM OF REWARD.
Then i started thinking about rastas and sadhus and their everyday religious use of pot and i realised that pot wasnt for great mystical insights or whatever. It was a way to embrace nothingness and the whole life style of just being.
I dont have any ambitions with my life at all, i just want to be healthy and chill the fuck out. And without pot my life has just been one big pile of shit. It has now been about 8-9 months since i gave up regular smoking. And 4 months since i stopped completly (a really bad acid trip did this). And honestly i havent shaped up one bit, im still lazy old me and i dont do shit. I can barely get myself to do the dishes. The only difference is that without pot i feel stressed while im lazy.
Im counting down the days until i can be with my mary jane again. And i wonder if i will never stop missing her. Really hope that we can get back to what we used to. <3
@braindead, nice post.
i think the fact that its illegal in alot of places, makes it hard to enjoy.
i had a realization after looking back at the definition of cannabis many times, and paranioa is a side affect “allegedly” … so i thought well that makes sense cuz no one wants to get busted, so they are paraniod more than usual bcuz of the feelings(blitzed) and the fear of the pigs / rents / authority . simple?
I agree to you 100% on the paranoia because its illegal thing. Almost all the first times i had paranoid episodes was when i thought i would get busted. And the thing is the more you get there the easier it becomes to fall back, and then the paranoia can be general anxiety about nothing at all.
Actually my hppd symptoms and hardcore anxiety really started (too some degree) after i got busted at a rave. Apparantly there is some law angainst dancing to freaky, because the cops seemed to have the right to look through my pockets and acuse me of being high on speed and mdma. I wasnt by the way, and the stupid pig found one fucking joint in my pocket. He even told me he didnt consider it a drug, yet he proceeded to prosecute me.
Now i dont want to blame this all on the cop, alot of bad decisions on my part both leading up to and after the incident played a huge role to. But the fact remains that I TRULY BELIEVE that cops are the biggest contributors to marijuana induced psychological problems. Worst of all is they actually think they are doing something good.
@braindead, that is the worst part. also the reality that ur just tryna enjoy urself and 4 some -totallly chill oot an relax-but the war on weed has created threads like these. all the while it stilll has many benefits but still… unneeded stress unneeded labels. wasted money and cuntcops not gettin real shit done meanwhile .butttttt if they acually did the moral things theyd bcom unpopular and prolly get fired just my opinion. thats y no spiritual person/leader will become a cop. straight up.
Drugs arent the same for everyone, you can not just compare the way you used to grow the plant. You also used to do a shit ton of thing speople would cringe when hearing about today. Self reaization/self awareness resuources werent as available back then. Now you can just google whatever you are feeling/experiencing- 80 % chance someone already had it /passed it and wrote about it on the internet. Saying weed was better while grown the old way is throwing away quite some chemistry and biology- and you wont say sex is worse since you discovered where her G spot is…(of course, i am qualified as a youth and anything I say is discredited because I wasnt there at the Golden Age-talk about open mindedness and all those learning experiences weed gave us)
I stopped getting revelations and having marijuana blow my mind probably 6 months after I started smoking. That was when I Was 18, I’m now 29. I use marijuana as a medicine, relaxation, an escape from reality, what have you.. The only reason I have ever had to stop smoking was because at one point a couple years ago, it started giving my horrible horrible anxiety if I smoked too much.. I attest that to all the other stimulant drugs I was doing at the time.. must not have mixed and matched well.. But since I’ve quit other drugs besides thc, dmt, acid and mushrooms, I still smoke every single day and find no reason not to smoke it. There are a plethora of medicinal purposes for it, including regrowth of cells… You ever seen the stars man?? You ever seen the stars ON WEED?? =)
(Sorry for my English, I’m french)
I also read the first reply*
I don’t know if you solved ”your problem” because it is 2 years from now, but I’ll tell you my opinion anyway. Kind of where am i right now.
Jeff makes a very good point btw.
I’m gonna make this short. When I started smoking weed, I loved it (17 years old). Then I grew up and progressively started to smoke weed all day. I’m now 21 years old and I get the same ”bad trip” as you did. I’m like you, I know how society and the system works (oppression).
I believe that anxiety is not caused by the weed but your head. I think everything pharmaceutical corporates say is bullshit and the problem is not the human being, but the productive and competitive system in which we live in.
I started depressing and being very uncomfortable with myself when I moved out of my parents house. I know why. Life exploded in my place. I realized that, I’m alone and life is not like everything my parents told/taught/showed me. Just BOOOOMMM!!!!!! I quit cegep (shit quebec (canada) educational system).
So now here am I. During that dark period, I asked myself a lot of questions and learned more about society. There is two things you need to do in life. Find peace/happiness/comfort by meditating to remove all those negative thoughts that make you anxious or uncomfortable (Depends on what aspect society oppressed you(Myself, I’m self-conscious about my body)). And the second thing, is to achieve success. No matter how brainwashed we are, money is always nice and think about all the great things you could accomplish. When you have a free state of mind (by meditating), then the greatest ideas will come to you.
One other thing maybe. We have the bad habit to ask ourselves to much questions. Understand society and the system. Accept it. Use it. Don’t ask yourself existential questions because there is no answer… YOU have a life to live, make the best of it in the best conditions (free state of mind and money) and you can only believe in yourself. It’s your head, your own video game, don’t take shit from anyone, because everyone have their own video game too.
Imagine if everybody could do that. Change the way they think for peace, happiness and comfort. People would become different (in the good way obviously). That’s the secret to change the world! Education!
This trip is the first on the internet that is somewhat similar to mine.
I do blaze quite frequently but stopped for a week or so and then took a bong hit……
It started as a regular high, then it was as if time came to a stop, as if I was moving faster than time. Any actions I did required me to do them more than once to get any reaction. And the room started melting. Next thing I knew I was running off with my mind. It felt like some sort of epiphany, or that I was looking into the past/future or even different lives. I think I was moving my hands/arms, and that played a role in my trip. I was dancing with them or clawing with them and it unveiled more and more.
In my trip, I was having sex, then dancing, then hanging with all of my friends, then smoking weed, then reading, then whistling, just everything I enjoyed in life was happening, or anything that I said would appear or would happen to me. I started to talk to myself though, and I guess singing and whistling and dancing IRL. I can’t explain it but it was like I was on a journey, and it had some greater meaning. I never got to the end.
It was quite a happy experience, I was laughing so hard I was crying, through most of it, then my roommate came in. She started freaking out and crying and I told her I was okay and that she was over reacting and that I was in fact, in no danger. Then once she came in I couldn’t really focus on her and I started to run away with my mind again. But IDK if it was my roommate or what, I started to think bad things, that my journey had to conclude with me dying or I had to kill myself for everything to be happy for everyone in my life. After that happened I snapped out of it, I told myself that I’m just high and I do not need to die/ kill myself. But I was super freaked out after that and was shaking, and if I didn’t focus I could lose myself to my mind again. So I calmed myself down and focused on my breathing and was tapping until I was sober again.
I don’t know if anyone has had anything similar to me but it was quite the trip. Fun until things turned dark.
Also, this almost exact trip happened to me once before while I was on mushrooms, and I smoked A LOT. I played it off before as to the mushrooms, but since this happened again by just blazing I guess it was the weed. I’ve since quit smoking weed, mostly for my roommates sake, as she was super stressed about this, she also has bad anxiety and tends to over react but I guess I wasn’t in her shoes.
Honestly though, if it wasn’t for my roommate I woulda kept going with it and seen the outcome, maybe without her it wouldn’t have gone dark. This experience has made me want to try DMT, with actual shamans though, someone to help me with my high rather than bring me down.
I know this thread is super old but I’d like to hear your guys’ thoughts, especially OP’s.
Am I going crazy? Does this actually mean something? Was it the weed/ mushrooms or was it something greater?
Also, Also; this is my first time ever really talking about this.
Thanks for your time in reading this long ass story, and for any advise. :)
I feel like I’ve gotten to a point where weed brings me down. Like naturally, I am higher than the high I get from weed. I have never been an everyday smoker. Usually, I only smoke on weekends but I’ve gotten to the point where I just smoke on weekends because Its something to do. I enjoy weed much more when I use it once a month or once ever couple of weeks. I’ve started to realize that I enjoy consciousness under the influence of no substances best.
I to can no longer smoke I started very young and never had anything abnormal happen to me until my 15th birthday following some traumatic events I began seeing a figure I had mistaken it for a police officer and was so convinced it was real I had told my friends to run. later that night I had gone through a traumatizing situation after that for years I would hear in my mind a divine voice and she would tell me things that I could not fully explain to you without you experiencing it. yourself but upon receiving this mind blowing life changing information it was quickly interrupted by a dark hooded figure. it would consistently torcher me with threats of harming my family and I to taunting me about my own insecurities .it could literally stop prayers while I said them in my mind . This apparition would appear in pictures of my family or paintings of literally anything it was always around me even when I wasn’t smoking. still young and nieve I continued to smoked but for the reason that the short time I heard a woman’s voice who to me represented all good and all knowing would bring me around the universe explaining how everything was created and explaining how music, media, and social influence effects the mind . Far more information that I cannot possibly write it all . Besides this I really only took with me knowledge of the end days.we are living in corruption in the highest ranks of power, things at my age I have never even heard of at the time. I became an outcast as friends and even relatives thought I was psychotic or lying for whatever reason. I could no longer walk around in public because I would hear people’s voices around me and i would hear it in my head as threats or insults and started to become aggressive and overwhelming violent thoughts thinking I had to defend myself from till this day something that may not even happened.I began seeing the news and certain things would click in my subconscious and I would piece things together that would began to make sense of the coming end times. I now haven’t smoked in a year and I still am mostly anti social because I still have reoccurring auditory hallucinations but I’ve found a good woman and I stick to the people that matter ultimately( believe it or not) my extremely shortened rant I’ve seen and heard things that have changed my entire perception on life I’m sure I sound crazy to most but I’m posting this because for so long I felt as if I was the only one and if I helped anyone in anyway everybody’s stories have inspired me to tell my own and from my probably non believable experience I can only pass a few things on that I hope will help people be aware of what they may be battling in there everyday life. what you are hearing watching and believing in the news there are people out there who’s goal is to keep you quite, in fear, and against your own fellow man so if you ever feel like you don’t fit in remember most of those around you are mindlessly following a trend that Hollywood and the music industry portray as ” the way your suppose to be” be yourself peoples opinion truly means nothing and you serve a very big purpose whether it seems like you do or not
Have a site for people who are not savvy to the differences in pot strains. I too am a chronic user. I partake so all 5 of my senses reap the benefits!! :) I cook for my daughter who carries an incurable disease. Just started last week. HUGE success! Compassion clubs in Canada need good product.
Anyway, paranoia is completely normal. When you know what strains to avoid then you’ll begin to enjoy it again. Things are extremely potent today. Try growing one in your back yard. Homegrown has way less emotional baggage.
Smoke on!!! :)
If you have heard about psychedelics than you probably also have heard about the “sit and setting” and how important it is for you to be in a good mood, place, with nice people, etc in order to achieve a good trip. The same works with cannabis, even if it is a less powerful psychedelic cannabis works the same way. In order words , if you are not OK just dont smoke it. (I smoke it all the time tho but thats just me eheh =P). I can speak from experience (both personal and others friends) cannabis is a sacred plant that most of the time acts in a “good” way but again, if you are not OK maybe its better if you dont smoke. I smoked cannabis since 13 years , I am 25 now and I can tell you that I smoked more cannabis when i was teenager than I smoke this days.
I understand what you mean by “teacher” and I do also understand what you mean by anxiety attack. I have seen it sometimes and I also have experienced. After my research (small research, I might not know shit what I talk about lol)…if you do research online you will find studies have shown that cannabis can have BOTH effects. 1- cause anxiety 2- HELP with it. yes thats right, both situation are a possibility after you smoke cannabis and specialy if you smoke it for long time. Cannabis is not some kind of plant that smoke or consume and it will get rid of anxiety – it doesnt work like that. What cannabis does is REGULATE the hormones and cells (whatever it is) in order to maintain a steady and calm body. shit happens when people abuse it…. What this means is quite simple even tho I do believe all people is different so maybe it works differencely in people. So basicaly, FOR ME, In my opinion, cannabis helps my mind and body but if you abuse it (just like other drug) you will start getting the oposite effect. even tho I know people that smoke all day long and they never experience any side effects (again people are different) I just cant do it anymore for many reasons. I think its because of the amount of THC weed got this days but im not sure about this, but if you research about it , 10 years ago THC was around 50% less compared to this days. also when i smoke too much weed I just forget what I did yesterdays or in the last days… for example if I left my computer open with work in the process, go smoke and sleep, wake up and my computer disconected I will get a hard time to figure it out where I was yesterday at the work process. but if I dont smoke its more easy. I guess thats the “short-effect” memory thing. That can be good tho =D
PS: I have a friend who I saw having a panic /anxiety/ dieing attack im not even sure what he got to be honest but yeah it is possible to freak out with ONLY weed (basicaly having a bad trip) just like any other more- psychedelic drug. SO my honest opinion for you… 1- respect weed and you will only find positive things about this sacred plant 2- dont abuse it, dont smoke it daily.
“Herb is the healing of a nation.” – Bob Marley
I used to use it all the time. I was a lot better at math with it and managed to get a 99% on my math final high and when I wasn’t doing math I would smoke by myself and just think and have very profound thoughts but one day they just stopped. Now when I smoke I feel lazy and slow but different when I’m not stoned. Now, when I’m not stoned I feel like I’m constantly at peace and I feel as if I’m in a constant meditative state that almost fits the description of depersonalization or derealization, everyday is like an out of body experience, its both fascinating and terrifying.
Hi there fella’s Happy days :D!! Mikey K!! ok so firstly a couple things:
1) Cannabis is a teacher, straight and simple, it teaches you Ultimately what it is like to be STONED, how to control your emotions, how to have Proper conversations with people, but mostly it teaches you how to let go of ANYTHING.
-Now with any teacher as you will notice, there comes a time when you must surpass the teacher (master) and become a teacher in your own right, everyone here is a teacher, trying to convey their separate experiences, and yes we can all agree on a few finer points but again these are “each to their own” interpretations so even if we do AGREE we are only agreeing with what WE think you are saying.
-Also again as mikey says moderation is the key to EVERYTHING, regarding pleasure as the age old saying goes ” what starts of bitter ends sweet, and what starts off sweet ends bitter” but if you balance on the knifes edge between the two you gets Ends sweet and Starts sweet, ok so i haven’t lost anyone so far?
2) Paranoia is completely in your mind, and since our mind is the tool through which we see the matrix, i see it as directly influencing your own specific reality. There are infinite positive and negative realities all combined into one and all in the same place NOW, each one of you reading this article NOW are each reading this in a separate reality .
-OK so if i haven’t lost anyone, this is further proved by the law of attraction, that constant deliberate (conscious) focus on anything at all so powerful that it draws that very object/dream into your physical reality.
-Now the way this happens, or how i interpret the mechanics of this “law” , is to compound it into an analogy somewhat childish as you will see :D
– Now when you were a child :D, and you wanted that new spider man toy, or the new remote control car, hell even the Ps2, what did you do? you imagined. You saw yourself playing with it, you saw yourself showing off with your friends, you saw yourself having fun as you and your friends played and had fun with this object,most of all you felt pure Joy/Bliss at how this object would make you feel, mostly because it was a combination of your emotion = Joy and bliss multiplied by your group of friends joy and also how you would be represented by this object.
-So you Imagined and felt the joy that this would bring you the pure bliss, but then as we know as a child parents are another story all together, so some would say “we can’t afford it” meaner still some would say “you can’t have it” and the worst “just forget about it” oaks i would thank these wise beings if i were you, because in the end you still got what you wanted. :D No matter how long it would take you DID eventually get that object of your desire, because you relinquished all attachment to said object you still of course wanted it but you gave up on being depressed because you did not have it, and in the process of giving up all focus and attachment to ever getting this object, you completed the process.
-If you Desire it, you imagine having it you ENjoy how you feel with it but relinquish all disappointment by not having it (almost like you have it already ;)) you shall receive.
Anyway back to the point:
The same could be said for paranoia, if you can see that we do actually shape the fabric of our own reality by simply wanting an object then receiving that object and im talking about ANYTHING here chaps it doesn’t have to be an actual object it could even be a mental state :D
So logically if you have been following me, all this negativity and paranoia multiplied by whatever society you are part of and especially the views of that society will of course influence your reality, Me and mikey experience something very similar up here in JHB whenever i smoke now the people can sense it, the weakness of having an open mind and an open heart, they literally try to mind fuck you, and you can’t do anything about it because weed is still illegal here
anyway i am getting of topic but at the same time not at all.(sorry as you can all see im a bit crazy :D)
All im saying guys is that marijuana is a teacher it will help you learn each lesson you have set for your self, if you are socially awkward, it is amplified, if you are scared of the dark Freddy Kruger will jump out from the shadows if your scared of girls you won’t be able to choke out a sentence because your flying down the road in the opposite direction shoes spinning in the air where you left them behind.
If you just push on, surpass the fear that you have on the physical plain, it goes away if you defeat your dragons you will always find gold, weed can be your sword and shield, your merlin/gandalf or it can be a chain to the ground either way it is not the plant that has created this situation, it is only amplifying it to the point where you cannot escape it, but then it also gives you that option too, you can run like a little bitch truly reacting on an autonomic level.
enough preaching time to get to work cheers boys! please comment if you have any questions i will answer to my best ability even if its just fuck you comments i really don’t mind :D anway enjoy your day The Mad Hat way ;).
I have the same issue but maybe worse. To begin I have an social anxiety problem. Back in the day I used to drop acid and pop molly. Not a lot but a few times. Everyone says that I’m fried because of the drugs. Whatever, but with weed I used to toke 24/7,I use to love it. Unfortunately it got to me and when I smoke I get negative thoughts and my heart begins to race. I try indica but sometimes it happens with indica too. Im honestly upset about it cuz it used to be my drug of choice big time. Now I can barely go out in public and smoke. Any ideas to stop these symptoms?
I remember when I was starting to experiment with Acid when I was 16. But first ill just shed a little light onto the kind of person I was and the kind of things I was looking for in life.
I guess I was always a deep thinker when it came to understanding life, what it means, what it is and just why ?
I always felt like I had some sort of clue about what was going on, I always felt like I was watching and learning, but at the same time already knowing.
but it was when I started to smoking weed that it became an obsession if you will. I started to know absolutely everything for sure and always felt like I must be some kind of Buddha that has lifes secret… But cant reveal it.
this was going on for a while and I started to get more and more inside my own reality believing that it was the only true reality. In a way it kind of is. But nonetheless I felt kind of ontop and started to have experiences where like you I was shown things about us as humans that were simply incredibily true regarding our point in life.
I remember sitting on my sofa and just being completely ripped out of my body and through into what I believe to be the universe. I could see its creation, its ending and I could understand its lets say state of mind.
I was pushed through a what I can only describe as a throat like worm whole which held the juices of life. Fucked up right ? But either way it definitly happened.
after this breif and strange yet infinite experience I decided to try and understand what it was. the only thing I could get my hands on was acid. Silly but I felt like I was in need to understand this as if mine and all of your lives depended on it. Which at the time it really did feel like.
I took my acid and it took a while to kick in, the first hillucinations were insignificant and boring, it was the peak that was most interesting. All I can remember thoroughly is that I was shown things to draw, like myan style. So I did. Then out of know where every minds voice in existence was thrown into my head. Not in an almighty knowledge an power way, but in a I’ve stepped to close and know to much kind of way. Insane and terrifying stuff. I remember the feeling I my body was like hot and cold flushes with the most intense fear.
after what had happened happened I decided quite reasonably to relax on the insight finding and start to focus on my actual life. I still hold some of the things I feel I learned like somehow I gained a sense of oneness and started to pathe a life that lives in respect of life itself, like I’m afraid of what I have experience and as if my trip had told me to slow down and think about now rather then later because an I quote my mind at that time ‘the end is always reaching the beginning’. Strange huh?
everytime i smoke weed now i get flash back to the fear of everything and get horribly anxious, yet for some reason still find value in my awfull trips an as if I’m always learning new lessons. Its strange but I’m used to it, its hard for me to smoke but sometimes feel i have to just to remember my place
Hi, okay so you wrote this over 3 years ago but I really think that it’s amazing, Because I know how you feel completely. And the sucky thing about it is that I halfway think that because I feel this way I’m crazy but the other half makes me feel like I just know the truth more than others do right now. I’m pretty young, 17 to be exact. And I havent smoked in about 4 or 5 months because of many strange experience’s.
At first smoking weed was amazing, I felt like I was experiencing all of the same things but in a newer and better way, like on a way better level. It was filled with many laughs and deep conversations, there was even times where I would cry of joy because of songs I heard that I thought had a deeper meaning and spoke to me for some reason like they never did when I was sober. Just a stronger appreciation. And then I just stared to notice thing changing. Like the way I started to see people and feel when I was high. Like I felt distant and it wasn’t as bright as it was before. Like the thoughts in my head became there own person and I heard them like they were right by my side.
Another thing that started to happen was these crazy intense and vivid dreams. Like the dreams were another type of reality. I had many different ones that would freak me out for days at a time. Like I was laying in my bed once and I woke up in my dream (kind of like a dream inside a dream) and I seen my current boyfriend at the time walk into my room at the edge of my bed and say “don’t worry faith the war is almost over”. Keeping in mind that he Did not even know I was awake in my dream and than looked at me suprised when he saw that I was up like I’ve been asleep for ages. literally freaked me out so much (because it seemed so real) that I closed my eyes in my dream and said to my self that I have to get out of here and left and heard him faintly saying “no please don’t go”.
ive had other feelings that I was hooked up to some machine when I was high. And that my conscious self was tapping on a globe trying to get out of something unreal. Like there was something way more out there and this wasn’t even reality. I’m so happy that I found this page because I’ve felt so alone. And I’m happy to know that others exsperience this feeling too even though they are different in some ways. Feeling like this almost makes me want to go even farther next time though because I want to know if there really is something more out there for me to find.
thanks, let me know If this makes any sense to anyone else please.
Dom, I know this is 2 years old, but I have been experiencing this recently as well.
A few months back, I went to Calgary and tried mushrooms for the first time. All I can explain my experience as is confusing as well as eye opening. It really drew a strange line between what’s real and what isn’t.
When I was high in Calgary I had s strange sensation that none of us really exist, and that finding mushrooms was just a strange metaphor for opening the portal to “the truth” as mushrooms don’t exist, as do none of us (in the sense we believe we do, at least). I saw and understood things that I can’t even describe, but I finished with the understanding that this existence is all “my” (I use the word my loosely, as I’m not really sure what consciousness really is anymore) creation. The reasons I can’t describe them to you:
1. I have a fear if I recollect what I actually saw I will have trouble coming back and accepting this reality.
2. My mind has literally created almost what I’d like to call a block, and I have trouble remembering a lot of the specifics.
AllI know is while I was on the mushrooms I had been certain that the confusing bizarre feeling I was having were what reality was going to be from that point forward which was terrifying to me.
Thankfully, I came back to once I basically apologized to myself and begged to have my life back. Suddenly all the pieces fell back together and my mind had come up with rational explanations for everything that had happened and what I had believed I “imagined”.
Over the last few months I had concluded what I saw/felt wasn’t real, and I was simply high on drugs. No deeper meaning.
After coming back from Calgary I smoked weed, tried some things, and just got high like I always did. Just felt good and laughed a lot.
Well, last month my young sister died in a single car collision on her way home from work. Immediately I decided to move back in with my family to help them through the situation, and so I could feel there comfort as well.
While sitting around thinking, I started to for whatever reason remember things I had forgotten about my experience on mushrooms and wanted to try them again. I had somehow convinced myself that what was actually a terrifying experience was a portal to the other side, as if it would give me answers about my sister. The problem was I couldn’t get my hands on mushrooms.
What happened instead was I found a bong my little sister had made out of a cup and it’s lid and I started to smoke weed with her boyfriend, as he has been having a hard time too.
What happened when I got high still gives me fear to this day, to the point I really don’t want to touch it again.
What I felt was a deep understanding that I was stepping on the line of not existing. I basically saw the universe folding away in my mind, the truth was coming back to me. I went into it looking for my little sister, and came out the exact same way as when I had done shrooms, basically being so thankful to exist still. I felt very alone, like you said, but only because everyone is me. Like that the truth is all of this is one giant life. I question everything about existence, and have to force myself to rush home and go straight to sleep. Reality feels so fragile, like one thought revealing what it is could destroy it all for me. I’ve tried convincing myself I have brain problems, that I’m not seeing what I think I’m seeing, all just in fear of what is really true.
Even when I’m not high I have a deep fear sometimes of this all unraveling in front of me and being exposed. I don’t want it exposed, I was to continue my journey in this life, even as sad as I am I lost my sister and my best friend. It’s still a beautiful adventure.
But what I see most is there really is no meaning of life, no ultimate purpose. The word purpose, a long with it’s meaning was invented by us. Nothing divine has to follow our “rules”.
Sometimes I look into someones eyes and I get a strange urge that it’s revealing the truth, like the expression “the eyes are the gateway to the soul” is absolutely true. Especially when I look at pictures of my little sister. And that scares me too.
Basically all I’m saying all this for is because your experience is very similar to mine, and I have a feeling like mine you simply can’t remember some of the more frightening aspects of it. What I want to know, is how you feel about it after almost 3 years, if you still post here. Please, let me know. I feel I need someone I can relate with.