Your family (by family i mean blood relatives, mother, father, siblings, ect.) is not chosen by you, you are born into it and cannot do a thing about it. Sure most people have good relationships with their family and say they “love” them, but do you?
How can you really love someone that you never chose to be with? Sure your family teaches you things and is always there for you, in most cases that is, but thats only because they have to.
I do not particularly like my family, but i’m stuck with them forever. I can’t leave them without them and everyone else thinking i’m being a bad son. But if i don’t love them why should i be forced to stay with them forever? Why can’t i go join a new family, say my best friends, because i actually like being around those people? I cannot stand the fake “love” and affection my family throws around.
The person you marry is the only person you really love. Simply because you are making a concise choice to be with them. Thats love. Being forced to accept who your family is and love them no matter what is not love.
Love is a choice, one that should not be made for you. I say leave your family and fall in love with someone that you actually like and that really loves you not because they have to, but because they choose to.
@mitchapalooza, I just reread our conversation. I don’t feel that I said anything insulting to you. I did say that you were sensitive and seemed like an angry teenager. you do come off that way. I also insinuated that you are wrong in this instance and you are imperfect as a person. Maybe you should tell me where you felt insulted?
As for your question. First there already is a difference in the language between the two loves. Nobody would tell their mother that they are in love with her. The words “in love” combined make for the difference in our language that seems so important to you.
Second. The idea that you actually get to choose who is in your life is preposterous. Everyone is their by chance, you didn’t choose any of them. There are not good and bad people. Just imperfect people with problems. Any ideas of good and bad are subjective. You are not forced to love any of them, including your family. You can choose to love or hate any of them, even the ones you feel forced to love. It’s like anything else, you can be force to eat spinach and love spinach.
@mitchapalooza, an emotion such as love can not be forced. You may feel obligated to love someone, but you are not. As most people DO love their families, you may feel like you have to too. But no one is making you love your family. No one has a gun to your head in regards to love.
If you do not feel it, it is not there. Period.
However, it does sadden me that you are hesitant with this emotion, that you seem to have such a negative view toward it. I’ve valued love higher than almost everything else in my life. Do not think so much about it. If you love someone, you do. If you don’t, you don’t. There are no technicalities. It does not matter that the love you feel for your wife is on a different level than the love you feel for your immediate family. It’s all fucking love, dude. No matter how you slice it.
And I have read every response, and not one person has attacked you in any way. We are all here to discuss, and maybe everyone views every level of love as a good thing, and we want you to also, man.
@mitchapalooza – I definitely understand what you’re saying. when people have kids, they tell them they love them and tell them to say it back, even though the kid doesn’t even know what love is. therefore it’s fake when a kid says it to the parents. I do feel most parents truly love their kids, but not the other way around, because they aren’t mature enough to understand it. so I see where you’re coming from. I’ve actually questioned whether I love my family. because I don’t feel that I really do when I say it to them. and we’re not the type that says it a lot anyway. so I don’t know. you definitely fur sure love friends and boyfriends / fiancé’s, and so on. because you had a say in the matter on whether to be around them and spend time with them. you didn’t have to live with them or anything like you do with brothers / sisters. I definitely care for them and would be very upset if something happened to them. but I see what you are saying unlike some of these other people. I know I’m a little late, but I was just thinking about this today.