I have been in a relationship for a little over 2 years now. My gf and I had alot sex our first year. The second year of our relationship, she decided to be celibate for religious reasons. It was a bummer but I really love the girl and agreed to be celibate also. So in that second year for me was hard at times, especially when I see her, cuddle her or sit next to her. Of course if your a man you’ll always get an erection especially if your extremely attracted to your loved one.
Anyways, we had our times when we would go at it and actually have sex. It happened every 2 months or so. I find that when we have intimate conversations, it makes us feel like making love. At those times we slip and have sex and oh ya we had birthday sex too lol. But, after sex she feels guilty and mentions we have to follow Gods way and blah blah blah. Of course I feel guilty to because it can be frusterating. But the only difference for me is I dont feel like theres a God watching me feeling disapointed in making love.
Our relationship got better because of celibacy, we got to really learn each other and focus on us instead of having sex every single time we see each other. Today, with knowing all that and having a stronger love for her. I just dream of making love to her all the time. i cant help it. I believe its healthy. How would you bring this up to your loved one? How would you convince a person that is supposely following Gods way that sex is healthy in reducing stress? She stresses a lot in life these days. It was a less stressed year for her when we were having more sex
it seems to me that you are obviously in love with her. I would just talk to her about it. because the way I see it, I have too much on my plate to get married right now, but I know I will be spending the rest of eternity will my love. we are completely comitted to eachother for the rest of forever. we are in love and we embrace it, it’s not a certificate that permits the love making. it’s the life long sincere commitment. really it depends on your readiness.
Sex is a natural destressor. It is 100% natural to desire and having a partner definitely makes that stress increase if the outlet is not used.
Sexual frustration and feeling trapped within one’s own sexuality HAS FACTUALLY been shown to aid in the development of disorder. A large majority of the sexual deviation that happens to people (pedophiles, rapists, etc.) is a direct result of the disconnect with their sexuality as children/adolescents.
I mean, word it more tactfully, but sexually frustration is basically dangerous for one’s mental health.
@honeyeater, I think it’s awesome that you and your girlfriend got to know each other on a deeper level when you were celibate, and I also think everyone should learn more self-control (myself included). But I don’t understand religious celibacy, for a few reasons. One, to say that sex is evil is to live in denial, it’s not sane. None of us would be here today if not for sex. I mean, of course you should excercise self-control, just like you would with eating, drinking, or anything else in life, because overindulgence is unhealthy and because it’s good to know that sex is just a part of a larger whole, which is the relationship. But even following the religious standpoint, why would God create us with the organs we have if they are inherently evil? Clearly we were made to love each other, whether you believe in God, evolution, or something else. Sex with a loving partner is good and good for you, and moderation keeps from overindulging and lessening its value, or neglecting the other parts of the relationship. You gotta have a middle ground.
That sounds terrible! Especially “doing it for god.” God can suck it if he tries to stop me from boning. Sex can totally help, as you say, “really learn each other and focus on us.” But shit, whatever works for you.
@possiblehubris, exactly. where does he say that? But it says Jesus was celibate and he wants us to have sex when married. I dont go by this but my GF does. Theres more to it but its a long story if you want to get familiar with religous celibacy lol
@theskafish, Yeah! It was very beneficial for us to work on abstaining, but it didnt work all the time. It really proved that we are not together because of sexual attraction. It went deeper than that and thats what I loved about it. But now, I just want to make love to her without having her feel guilt and shame. Its a beautiful thing to me
@honeyeater, I know well about religious celibacy…but were does it say, “Thou shalt feel guilty and disgraceful upon lying with another”.
She is adopting a repressed women’s view like a stereotypical 50’s housewife. That is societal, she does not have to obey by a previous generations style. A religion is dynamic it should be enacted in the present tense. I am sure there are plenty of up-standing young people in her religion who are devout and enjoying a healthy sex life.
Two separate issues gives you an in.
Honor the faith, Honor the attraction and connection between the two of you.