As a single female with no children, I want to know what is the purpose of having children? This may seem like an insensitive or even ignorant question but other than the obvious – to create more life – do people have children?
I’m 23 and sometimes I can imagine my life without kids and then other times I think “of course, I’ll have children one day”.
I guess some people have children so they won’t “die alone”, their spouse talked them into it, it was an accident, or maybe even to give their life purpose. And I know those of you that do have children will probably say “my kid is the greatest thing that ever happened to me”. I obviously don’t have children so I don’t know these emotions or feelings, from my view, it just looks like you go through 9 months of hell, your body changes in ways I don’t want to ever think about, and I want to know what’s on the other side of that?? Unconditional love…? The closest thing I have is my niece(8yrs) and nephew(7yrs). I love them very much but after hanging out with them for a few hours, I need some serious quiet time.
So, I’m just asking for opinions, experiences, anything. No judgement, I think children are great and new life as well as life in general is beautiful but I also understand when people say they don’t want kids. Maybe I’m just at that age? I’ll get to the “baby fever” phase one day?
@linds, I don’t want children either. I’m good with kids and have plenty of younger brothers, sisters and cousins… but they’re not for me. At least, not for a long time.
The one thing though, is the power of hormones. Once I react 35/36, I can’t tell what my body will make me want to do.
Don’t have em… consider dynasties, where people had children for the sole purpose of having someone to continue their empire. Immeasurably selfish, to bring another human into this world without considering how to care for it.
Just as having a kid so a parent won’t die alone is selfish and frankly disturbing. You create an entire sovereign human, who is free to hate or love you, for a specific purpose you had in mind before the thing was alive.
I’ve seen many terrible parents who should have never had children. My parents always worked; I was raised by many things, but not them.
And there’s always adoption. Now, that can be quite nice, if you’re a good parent. You can literally change a kid’s life, and make it so much better. But producing another human is an infinitely significant thing, and people treat it way too flippantly.
@mallorn that is one of the things I struggle with. – your child could end up hating or loving you. My mom passed when I was 13, which is a tough age for kids, IMO. I did fine but I always had and still have great respect for my dad for getting me through a lot of things that are typically “mom” situations. Boys, he said/she said drama, periods, awkward stages. I know his influence and advice on those situations is why I am the way I am today. I really don’t try to impress people and I would rather stick a fork in my eye than deal with mindless drama. I would see my friends who had wonderful parents act so hateful toward them for what reason? No one knows and my friends who had no support or attention from their parents and tried so hard to gain it. It’s strange. Have you ever asked your parents why they had you if they were just going to be absent?
To give wisdom to. They are little vessles of hope. To me. My thought is “if i could teach a kid to be kinder and wiser than my generation was, it would help.” This will sound far fetched but if every one raised their children to be kind and giveing….there would be no problem. Of course theres more to their character but if you raise them well…it would make the world…better
@linds, well, you can never know what’s really going on. you say “some kids are just brats,” but it makes you think, what parent would raise such a thing? especially in amurika…kids that behave that way are often spoiled, meaning their parents buy them things instead of parenting. it sounds like you have a nice relationship with your dad, which is awesome. these kids often have a superficial one with their parents, meaning they don’t get any of that advice. Maybe the parents are emotionally stunted and behave like children. I learned everything I did from other people, and stories.
the psychology’s different in every case, several kids i know that behave this ambivalently are spoiled in that way. Or the parents are detached in some other way, or the kid is. lol.
I don’t plan on asking them, I think it would confuse them. having a baby is what you do. they already had a girl, so they got a boy. aint 2 pretty? Think about it like this, many people don’t get to the stage where you’re at. Actually considering why they would choose to be a brood sow. It’s pretty crazy that some people would never consider such a thing, certainly not weird that you /are/ considering it.
Consider how you’d only want children in a limited number. and that wanting to leave an impression on the world (another reason that looks to the self) in the form of a newly created human is a…commitment. The law makes you feed them.
@stick2skript, put it quite well. I just think of all the kids in this world already without people to care for and love them, and to choose to bring another one of your own kind in…a very human reason.
@linds, when I see my son I realize that he is partly my creation. There’s a real part of me in him. It’s like seeing myself in the third person in a way. But it’s different and it’s new and he gets to start fresh. He is only 13 months old and his whole life is ahead of him and I get to help shape that and watch it grow. This is not to say that I will live my life vicariously through him, but it’s like I took part of myself and set it free and I can see his life as an extension of mine. Part of me lives on through him. That’s a hard concept to describe and sound meaningful and not fluffy in a cynical world, but you can’t see it until it happens to you.
I have twins.. Before I had kids I didn’t want them because honestly I don’t think my mother enjoyed being a mom and I didn’t want that either. I mean I love my kids and they mean a lot to me but I don’t really think I’m made for the mom thing. I just think some women are made to be moms and have that nurturing DNA. I think children should only be brought up with love.. There needs to be a mom and a dad and it should be nothing but love and happiness.
@mallorn, I think you have a very pessimistic partly based on what you describe as weak family ties. I’ll assume the majority of people in this conversation are single (as myself). But I have loved and know what it feels like, how the simple things become amazing. I support adoption wholeheartedly, my sister was adopted at birth.
@linds, If you have someone that compliments you why would you not want to join them in the creation of life? I have many cousin’s, nieces, and friends with kids. The sound of a child’s laughter, to watch there mind expand as they take in the knowledge of our world, nothing is could touch me more than this. We are products of our environment, so create a loving home and your kids will love.
Oh how i could delve into the subject…
Most importantly what you dont like in yourself and in your parents, expel that part so as not to pass it one. The world is truly full of terrible people, so create someone that isn’t.
Thank you @stick2skript, for your impute, realize that you do not have to be like them, BE BETTER because it’s in, you just have to look
@mallorn, Well i have yet to meet someone perfect, but without mistakes made you nor I would have the experience to hold this discussion. So i think it is impertinent we use the wisdom we have acquired to aid the development responsible adults that will be the next generation. Because trust me im surrounded by the optima of human waste and the question of “should I” never crossed their minds as they go looking to “get some”.
@phoggy, see that’s where I am.. I would love to SEE the extension of myself but at the same time I am with @mallorn and i also think about the children I could impact through something like adoption.
@creativenik I know I would be a good mom. Maybe I just don’t like the way other people parent their children so it steers me towards not being a parent because I’m overwhelmed by the ‘bratty’ children.
@treesnseas you bring up very good points, another fun fact about me – I’ve never loved in that way, so I’ve never had the “I want babies with you” feeling. I am with you, I have many cousins with young children and I love it. I love holding my young baby cousins, hiding my face behind my hands and reappearing to see their excitement, making them laugh in the simplest ways, and of course watching them discover new things that as adults we take for granted. I am trying to re-discover those things myself. I was 16 when my nephew was born and at that age I don’t remember being excited about my sister-in-law’s pregnancy. I was busy with sports and other things but I do remember the first time I held my nephew; the feeling I got. The world stopped and I have a picture of me holding him and it’s one of my favorites now that I’m older because I can feel that emotion when I look at the image.
@sticktoskript I think that fear is what will make you a good parent! You will want to be better.
Thanks to everyone for the input, I’m really enjoying this.
@linds, I think it’s more than just DNA and inherited traits it’s totally possible, I think, to see yourself in an adopted child too. From the moment they enter your life you begin to help create theirs. Really anything you create has a piece of you in it.
I believe the purpose to have children is to pass on the love of the world. A baby is innocence of life itself, and you teach it love while it teaches you back. Children teach about who human beings are in the purest form. Watching where everyone originates from since day one is an experience that expands perception of life. I don’t see a less vague causation to make children with a purpose – its a drive to create more life and to give love. From that drive, adults end up happening everywhere with their hairy genitals and love for boobs and chocolate.
@stick2skript lol I was wondering why it wasn’t being highlighted. I gotta say after watching the entire TED talk, that is how I would raise my children too. I think most parents start out with good intentions and they give up or get lazy.. Most of my friends are teachers and the complaints about poor parenting never ends. I have heard endless stories about them calling parents because their kids are acting up or doing poorly in school and the parents don’t care.. It’s sad.