My whole life I’ve been told either directly or indirectly there was something special about me, ever since I was a kid. But no one could put their finger on it. No one could tell me what it was. I used to scream and cry in my sleep as a kid, but my mom said my eyes were always open, staring at something. Doctors said they were night terrors and I’d grow out of them. When I was 16, they came back. It started off as dreams of demons taunting me, but it escalated. I’d wake up at night and see a demon in my room, coming towards me. Always evil, always trying to hurt me. Sometimes I saw a women. She’d be staring at me from the darkest corner of the room. It wasn’t the first thing I laid my eyes on when I woke up. Is be overcome with this powerful fear, fear that made my blood boil. Then I’d sense a dark energy, my eyes would look in that direction, then I’d see it. My room mates told me my screams were blood curdling , like nothing they could put to words. I was in treatment centers because I’d been troubled as a kid. I tried praying, but that made it worse. Every night id whisper for God to protect me. I convinced a counselor to let me go to church for communion, that only made it worse. Then I started praying to satan. The feelings I’d get were hard to describe. This rage that overwhelmed me. People were scared of me. I ended up cutting my wrist and had to get 16 stitches. So I left and went to another rehab. They got worse. I tried selling my soul to the devil. I asked for a few things in exchange for my soul, then sign my name in blood. One night I woke up. I was on the top of a bunk bed and there was a thick wooden board nailed to it for safety. I woke up to my roommates hands on my neck. So I kicked and kicked then jumped off the bed. I got knee surgery a few months back so there’s no way I would’ve done that unless I was in danger. In the morning when I went back to my room is kicked the board off the bed. So I got my spiritual . I burned a sage smudge in my room and talked to the demons. I would meditate, trying to surround myself with protective energy. I didn’t quite believe in a god, but I sure believed in satan and demons. When I was done with treatment and left to go home, they still happened. Then I started doing drugs again. I had this feeling. Because they stopped. Like I was giving in to these demons plans so they let me be. I didn’t sleep because of the drugs I was on. I’d sleep for 3 hours but always when the sun was up. Then, on the night of December 10th, 2014, I grabbed a .45 handgun and a bottle of tequila . But first I tried to summon a demon. The most powerful one I knew, even uttering it’s name would drag it from hell to you. I won’t say it’s name, to make sure none of you are exposed to it. That night I shot myself. The bullet went straight through my brain . This all happened quickly because I said goodbye to a few people and they went to the police and the cops tracked my phone, so a cop pulled me over. I was emergency airlifted by helicopter to the nearest hospital. I remember everything. The smell of searing flesh, the taste of gunpowder. The EMTS talking about my brain on the chair and blood everywhere. In the helicopter, I saw my death. I saw normal sky then a stark cut off. The nothingness terrified me. Empty, cold, meaningless. I became terrified as I felt myself dying. My body going limp, my thoughts slowing down. As I saw my soul leaving my body, an energy appeared, unlike anything is ever felt. So powerful and intense, full of love and warmth and non-judge mental energy. I don’t clearly remember what I saw, but it looked like heat waves. I heard my voice in my head, but they weren’t my words. This energy was talking through me. It said, “I’m not ready for you yet . You still have things to do on earth before I’m ready for you.” That’s the last thing I remember until waking up from brain surgery .both my legs were paralyzed as was my left arm. But I’d never been more at peace. I was filled with warmth. I detoxed in the hospital . 8 months later and I can walk . I can move my arm. I will make a full recovery. I hated myself before. But now I feel like I’m chosen. I’m here for greater things, but I’m not sure what. But by god I will find out. See, I try not to be grandiose , but I feel special, selected. Why did God speak to me? That’s more than most will get in their lifetime , and I was 18 years old. Please, I want opinions. I know that was a long story. I don’t know if this is even the right place to share it. But I need answers. I can’t go on with this feeling of separation from the rest of other people. Please help me find what I am.
Well… i’m not a very religious man… But I have a pretty simple philosophy in life. It comes down to 3 steps.
1. Figure out what you want in life (or what your chosen for).
2. Study other people who have accomplished what you intend to do.
3. Replicate it.
And believe it or not there are LOT of other people who have had similar experiences to the ones you described. Being haunted by demons and giving in. Before eventually having a near death experience, and being chosen to do great things. Heck even Jesus had conversations with the devil.
So it sounds like the next step for you will be to study those people. You might not know what your chosen for, but that should sort itself out as you go through life and continue to experience contrast (traveling the world is a great way to do that). And just keep on studying the works of other men and women who have had religious experiences, and gone on to do great things.
I’m not sure if that scratches your itch, but that’s the best I can do without talking to you in person and getting more data from you. Just know that you aren’t alone.
You would benefit from reading the teachings of Lao Tzu. I would suggest learning an instrument if you don’t already play and writing your own music. Your dreams sound as if you are in a constant state of withdrawal from something. Try drinking lots of water(filtered or spring water if possible) and going long walks. If you feel separated from humanity join a club.. theres gta be something you like, martial arts classes, yoga. Even online games will give you a chance to at least converse with other people. I know this stuff doesn’t sound related but really most nightmares are your subconscious way of telling you to make changes in your life. Its very common for people stopping smoking for example to dream of being killed or dream of people trying to hurt them. In my opinion putting your life in the hands of a God that may not exist is a bad idea. I once ate a lot of shrooms and I came to the conclusion in that trip that I was jesus.. Now I’m an Atheist and I don’t know how my mind got to that conclusion now. But what I can say from that experience is that humans WANT to be special. Its in our nature, and most of us are special. But if you don’t find your purpose and don’t try.. whether there is a god or not.. you waste your life. So to conclude my advice.. find something you enjoy and that you naturally take to .. and work on it.. until it becomes the focus of your life.. I think then you will find not only happiness but content in yourself and perhaps then the nightmares will stop.
That makes a lot of sense. I’ve been sober since then, but you’re right. I love guitar and piano as well as video games.. My new favorite quote is “Follow your bliss.” So you’re dead on in terms of purpose and contentment. You’re right, everyone wants to be special. I suppose my grasping onto the idea of me being chosen was a subconscious method for me to deal with the confusion and fear of how little I understand of what has happened. Thank you for your response.
I have similar stories like this, but i don’t hold them highly, or keep them imprinted in my head as a means that i’m special, it’s just a chemistry problem, or something similar, i mean i grew up, saw “auras”, heard and felt “vibrations”, “Morphing faces” etc, you could of called that a higher frequency according to some, then one day i had apparent psychotic episode.
Feeling connected to god, or some other entity is common, never think your the chosen one, no one is, that type of thinking is detrimental, and overall negative, could be that your dopamine naturally runs high, making you more prone to out of reality experiences
If your feeling grandiose, your probably not, it’s just an exaggerated sense of self, i bet if you felt more than capable, you probably aren’t.
doesn’t you can’t get alot done though, or derive enjoyment from seeing and hearing other things people can’t see, are you on drugs? how old are you? young people that are still developing are prone to novel experiences and addictions, it’s not a time to play with your chemistry, think about it, how are you special if these demons can actively dictate your actions, but have no real way of harming you?
Let be elaborate a bit more, i also had awakening dreams that were taking place in earth, when i woke up, there was news on tv about it, could be that when im sleeping im still somehow concious of my surroundings, and the dream that said other things were gonna happen, never happened, 18? that’s the most time people develop psychosis related illness, “My body going limp, my thoughts slowing down. As I saw my soul leaving my body, an energy appeared, unlike anything is ever felt. So powerful and intense, full of love and warmth and non-judge mental energy.” Well i had some visions too…. and they only intensified when i was starving for about a month, i felt like i died and came back to life, something happened, some dialogue with god or my higher self., my body paralyzed, full body cramps, i had to fight to get up, i had a will to live, i had too constantly move, because if i didn’t the cramps wouldn’t stop and just intensify, you only slept 3 hours a day? that can lead to hallucinations, but trouble sleeping is also sign of mental illness, it stopped? that’s good because when i hear voices i either count as fast as i can or listen to music and it goes away, i don’t know what’s up with you, but good luck, if you want to be someone and actually make a difference, i’d suggest becoming a doctor or something, becauses “words” only go so far, comparable to an “unshared” experience which is what you implied you had, it might feel great to feel special and feed into that, but try to channel that energy into exercising or eating healthy instead, something along those lines, you could be a good fiction writer..
I see what you’re saying. Believing I am “chosen” is ridiculous. I have been sober for about a year. I sleep normally now. Thank you for your response.
Hello! You are a very brave soul. To encounter these fears and lower vibrational energies is no joking matter. I’m going to be very honest and truthful with you. Your nightmares and visions are not God. They are your ultimate fears being revealed to you as reality. Thoughts become things, so when you focus your attention on negative entities, they manifest in your life. You are extremely special. We all are. I personally know my earth mission because I am deeply connected to God (aka my Higher Self/Soul). However, it was and still isn’t easy for me to live my truth in this extremely dense and negative world. Light workers are uniting and collectively raising the vibration to bring peace, love, and harmony to earth but it is not an overnight process. I had an experience where I was directly connected to the Divine Source (aka creator, unity consciousness) and I was so uplifted that I eventually had a mental breakdown. In my meditations after my hospitalization, I was told that I was possessed by a lower vibrational entity that did not want me to realize how truly powerful and limitless I am. What I want to convey to you is that you are ahead of the curve when it comes to spiritual matters, and there are strong, ancient souls like myself who connect with you on that level. There is nothing to be afraid of. Good always prevails. I would love to speak with you more. Shoot me an email! [email protected]
I agree with you Cait. I’ve also felt like I was special or different to other people since I was very young. I also had terrible nightmares during childhood and again when I was going through a stressful work situation. I actually took medication to stop me dreaming as they were such a torment. When I left my job and my partner the dreams stopped but I’ve never had any experience with ‘demons’ etc – because I believe that what you focus on, you attract. I do believe in a God/Source energy, that we are extensions of – and due to this, I do not believe anything can hurt us, except ourselves and even then, when we return to non physical, it’s all good – we can choose to come back again. I would suggest listening to some Abraham Hicks YouTube clips or reading their book Ask and It Is Given. In a way it is irrelevant what you believe, so long as what you believe doesn’t hurt yourself or others – so search for something and live it. Believe you are protected and loved and you are. Believe the world is a terrible place and that’s all you’ll see. I’m 33 now but since I was 15 I’ve been seeking truth, trying to understand my purpose and fight off the frustration I feel that I’m ‘not doing more’ or fulfilling my life mission whatever that is. But I practice gratitude even in the toughest times and remind myself I really am doing the best I can right now – the voice in our head (real or imaginary) can be our greatest ally or worst enemy. It takes practice to tame it – but you can do it. And if you want to reach out to me to, feel free – my email is [email protected] – sending you good vibes brother!
Well there is not enough information here to know what the voice actually was, but why does that voice necessarily have to be god. It could be your own voice, it could be an evil entity or the voice of someone you know etc. Healthy skepticism is required here (not that pseudo-skepticism kind). And as much everyone is special in their own way, it doesn’t mean you are more special though some people realise what their strengths are more.
Yes, I think you’re right. I wrote this post in a moment of emotional intensity. Everyone is special, and many people have survived things that should have killed them. The voice I heard could have been many different things, just as a human it makes me anxious and I grasp for answers because this unknown gets to my head.
You are in danger of something called inflation. Listen to the speaches of Alan Watts on youtube, he explains it pretty well. He is a good teacher. It is a common danger associated with spiritual encounters. Some go as far as believing that they are the one and only omnipotent god and that everyone and everything else is a creation of their own (which is true and false at the same time). The way to stay one the path of truth is to be humble and remember that “God” (people use different terms) has a plan for everyone. You are chosen indeed. So am I, but for something different. And so is everybody else. You have had a quite special life which means that you are quite special and so is your mission/function in the universe. But you would be wrong to think that you more important than anyone (or anything) else. Peace out.
Ps. Love is all there is