Cigarettes , What to say to make someone quit ?! HELP
Is there something you can say to someone to mentally smack them out of the continuous need to smoke. My dad is on the verge of quitting down to like 2 a-day but needs that extra push to just finish it.I know that addictions are tough break but its a lot of it is your head too, and if I could just get this mental addiction to break it would be really helpful…
P.S. if anyone can think of a way to preoccupy yourself on long drive, not using your phone, just something.Please share
@karstens, the problem with addictions is that most of the time, even when people stop their habit, they still have the addiction. Just because they aren’t using that particular method of numbing anymore doesn’t mean the addiction is gone.
Some people need addictions at certain points in their lives to be able to function. If you take away the addiction before they are ready, it will just manifest itself in another way. Thats why you see alcoholics who have been sober for so long turn very angry, or merely switch their addiction to something like sugar.
I think the advice you should give your dad is that if he wants to smoke, he should smoke. But if he’s gonna do it, he might as well pay attention to the act. Instead of using it as a distraction, he should enjoy his cigs. Fully feel their effects. The only way you could do something unhealthy is if you don’t feel the effects of what it’s actually doing to you. He’s got to integrate his experience with the action, otherwise he’ll never learn.
And also, what’s the point of quitting cigarettes if he’s just using pure willpower and effort? Is it really even worth it then?
You wouldn’t stick your hand in a flame because you know it’s going to hurt, right? But if you put some sort of cream on your hand that numbs pain, you’d never have the bodily experience of a flame being painful, and you’d have no incentive to stay away. Sure you might have the conceptual knowledge that putting your hand in a flame is bad, but that’s still different than the bodily experience of knowing the pain of sticking your hand in the flame. Same goes with addictions.
@karstens, What’s with the name calling at someone who’s trying to help you? Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Willpower is for idiots. You don’t need willpower to quit a bad habit, you just need attention. People only have bad habits because they don’t pay attention to what they do. IF you eat shitty food, then you obviously don’t feel what it does to your body, and how you’re using it as a substitute for something else. Same goes for smoking.
Don’t think I have a “fucking clue bro seriously?” Im not talking out of my ass here. I know this works from direct experience. Ive overcome addictions. And I’m not just talking about the superficial definition of overcoming an addiction by using force and sheer self denial like you are. If you don’t like my advice, don’t take it. No need to stoop to name calling though
@karstens, If you’re looking for a quick solution then the best I can think of is that your Dad has to start talking and thinking in the terms of a non-smoker. In the book Psycho-Cybernetics it talks about self-image and how we live up to the image of ourselves.
The book talks about how people who are overweight usually have a ‘fat self-image’. That is why dieting often only works temporarily and people pile back on the pounds after dieting. Their ‘fat self-image’ is maintained in their mind even after losing weight, thus they ‘snap-back’ to their self image and pile on the pounds again. The same is true of a smoker who repeatedly quits and then starts up again.
This is the quickest method I’ve found and it worked for me. I’m an ex-smoker and I no longer see myself as a smoker. I’m not saying it was easy but I believe this is the true key to lasting change. It can take time to mentally reprogram your self image so the greater the intensity of visualisation and self-talk then more than likely the quicker the change.
What also helped me is to focus on becoming healthy as that changes your mental programming too. After a workout you see yourself as healthier and want healthier things for your body.
Hope this may help in some way and best of luck to your Dad.
No. There is nothing you can say. It is up to him and his willingness to quit. Some people are just weak and let life affect them, others take a stand and make things happen. Depending on how badly your dad wants to quit, I don’t know which category he would fall under. I would however suggest giving him the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. Our addictions are just bad habits. And when we perform habits, we are no longer living in the present. If your father were living in the present while he was smoking he would suddenly look around and say “what the fuck am i doing??? I dont need this!” and he would chuck his cigarette. mindfulness is the fool-proof key to breaking habits. A full focused attention of the present moment and everything that is happening in that moment.
@mikeyw829, @karstens, I actually loved this guy’s response and was going to say thanks for the different perspective on addiction even before I saw you like getting angry at his response. The fact that you don’t have the capability to see this guy’s point of view should show you something bro-that you need to listen more, with an open mind. He is spot on with this idea.
@cptsleeze, this guys response had completely nothing to do ahah he’s thinking about it in a life perspective while the addiction is just a thing. An addiction isn’t ever needed in life , and in the case of cigarettes they are extremely harmful to every individual. The analogy was no real comparison to cigarettes.I didnt mean to offend anyone, it’s how I felt about the response so I wrote it down lol
@cptsleeze, thanks for the encouragement. It really is a different perspective from the generic shear willpower and force perspective. That’s not even a solution, just a cover up that’s held together by a dichotomy between your actions and desires. It can only last for so long, and all the while you remain miserable.
Most people use addictions as distractions. To get their mind off of certain things. But if you actually go into your addictions and fully enjoy/experience all the sensations of them, you’ll realize that it’s not actually all that pleasant, and you’ll literally stop wanting to do it. If you don’t fully feel what you’re getting, the positives as well as the negatives, you never learn. It’s really that simple. The only difficult part about it is being brave enough to feel everything involved with what you’re experiencing.
@karstens, Again, just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s wrong. And also, when people have an intention of helping you, show some respect and gratitude for their efforts. Don’t be an entitled little child who just expects help from people and takes it for granted. Taking things from people and giving nothing back in return is pitiful when someone devotes some of their time towards helping you.
@karstens, I CAN HELP YOU GET YOUR DAD TO QUIT, TRUST ME FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
I didn’t read the other posts all the way through, but disregard them and READ THIS, because I have personal experience with someone who, against all odds, was the only person that ever was able to make me quit. Here’s my story:
I had just come back from a show with my friends, and I was in an excellent mood because I’d had a great time seeing the group called ‘Lotus’ and dancing the night away. We didn’t even use drugs or alcohol, but we danced for hours and I had more fun than I’ve had in a long time. Just letting loose and dancing like I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, for the first time ever I’d say, just had me on cloud 9. After the ride back, I was walking to my building with my friend Kelsey as I lit up a cigarette and she just looked at me with a wonderful, warm smile (not the smile with raised eyebrows, that’s all like “i care about you, but I really want you to know what you’re doing is bad” , but the type with confident eyebrows, that says “I’m right here on your level”) and said, “hey, don’t smoke that, like…what are you doing? (maintaining such a beautiful smile, and confident, matter of fact tone) You know? You don’t need that. You’re such a wonderful person and you really don’t need to be doing that in your life.” Of all the friends who have tried to convince me to quit over the years, this was the first time it ever REALLY hit home for me. The way she looked at me with such a beautiful smile, she truly cared about me in the best way possible (not in a concerned way or a derogatory way or an angry way, like others have always done), and she just came right out and said exactly what I needed to hear. She said it plain, straight, and simple. She wasn’t judging me or upset with me like everyone else that’s confronted me. She was there, right on my level, a true friend telling me what’s up. Came from the heart. I stomped that butt out, and quit then and there. I will still never forget that moment and what she said to me. It was magical the way she conveyed it. I really couldn’t put my finger on it, fully, you know, like the reason why she was able to get through to me, but I think I finally understand how she did it. Don’t just tell him, “please stop, it’s bad for you” or “i really wish you didn’t do that” or “you know people get cancer from that, so why do it?”. That will make him feel “under attack”, so to speak. That will make him feel defensive, but because he knows he’s feeling defensive against statements that he knows deep down are valid, he will just get depressed and will feel even more powerless to his addiction. Level with him, give him a big smile, and speak from the heart. Not out of desperation or concern but just pure sensible caring for another one of your beautiful fellow human beings. Put him in his place in a way that doesn’t make him feel bad about himself, but in a way that EMPOWERS him. That’s the magic. Don’t make him feel bad about his habit, because he will just secretly wallow in his self-disappointment which paradoxically will only just deepen his surrender to his tobacco addiction. Nicotine is the most addictive thing I’ve ever known (EVER, and I’ve tried addictive drugs) and smokers always feel really bad about themselves deep down that they can’t break the habit and can’t stop smoking. So don’t make him feel bad about it, you need to empower him. Just convey that he’s a great person and you care about him, and that he’s simply better off without tobacco in his life. People who smoke never expect that someone could empower them to stop in this way. He won’t brush off what you say. Be loving and confident when you tell him all this. You know you are right, and he will know it too. There’s such a fine line between empowering someone to quit, and further making them feel powerless and bad about themselves. She’s the only person who made me feel like I wasn’t powerless. You don’t need to remind them that they have a problem, they know that. It’s all in the presentation. Don’t be passive about it, though. Be firm and direct (yet calm and casual), because you are telling them what they NEED to hear.
Think about this (it’s all psychology). If you tell somebody that you really look up to them and that you think they are a wonderful person, and then find a non-confrontational way to convey that you wish they didn’t smoke, they will feel like it’s their responsibility to do right by you since you look up to them. Then every time they feel the urge, they will think about you, and if you made them feel like you are “their hero” in a way, they will put their foot down and resist the urge with an iron fist. Much inner strength of will comes from trying to do right by those who look up to you.
EDIT: wait until he’s in an excellent mood to do this. then his memory of the event will be even more powerful, and he will draw greater strength from it
@karstens, first off….the way you replied to the person who tried to help you was really not cool. Throwing around insults like that is not the way here, especially to someone who sincerely wanted to help you. Consider this your first warning.
Secondly, if you took the time to read through it carefully you’d see the point he was trying to make. He’s saying that to change, you really have to commit to it. And in order to get the motivation to commit to a change, you have to really pay attention to what you do, you have to really be conscious of what you want to change and why. If your dad wants to quit smoking but is still smoking, then his desire to quit seems to come from the conceptual knowledge that smoking is bad. It’s factually correct, but not that powerful of a motivator because it’s still just an abstract idea. But when you actually think about the act of smoking, when you really think about and understand what you are doing to yourself, what you are putting in your body, it kind of makes you snap out of your unconscious routine. It makes you say, wow, what the hell am I doing this to myself for?!?! You see?
Read it again, really think about what’s being said. The guy Mikey made a lot of sense, it’s actually quite helpful.
@mikeyw829, for what it’s worth, I thought your advice on breaking addictions was excellent. My own addiction is rather tame compared to most (sleeping in, shutting off the alarm in the morning) but when I relate your advice to it (sleep in if you want to, enjoy the warmth and coziness of the covers, but understand it will have the consequences of a shorter day, not being sleepy at the right time and staying up late, perpetuating the cycle into the next day – fully feel the effects of sleeping in, both the good and bad) it makes a lot of sense.
An E Cig Is Much Better. I Used To Be A Chain Smoker Like 2 Packs A Day..
You Have To Wean Yourself Off Of Them.
Stop Overthinking It& Make That Choice.
You Don’t Want Something Material To Hold You In Chains.
& If You’re Christian Pray. & If Not God Will Still Give You Grace& The Strength To Quit.
Believe In Yourself& Start Doing Meditation Exercises When You Get Anxious Or Anything..
You’re Health Will Be Restored& You’ll Have Great Lungs Afterwards!
Start Jogging Or Going For Walks.. Rebuild Your Immune System& Detox. Lemon& Water! I Think Only Willpower Can Break Addiction.. Other Than Prayer & Faith In Not Just God But Yourself.
You Have The Ability.. We Humans.. Are Great& Influential Creatures.. You’re Making The Best Choice In Your Life By Quitting Cigarettes. Asking For Help Is The First Step Towards Your Immaculate Journey:) If Anything Discourages You Thoughts, Feelings, Etc. Laugh In Its Face.. If Its A Person.. Just Walk Away Lol
@mikeyw829, i think you’re quite right! the more i think of what im doing when im smoking the more i am able to understand what im doing to my body. but knowledge isn’t always enough. Sourcing the motivation to change plays an important part in quitting any addiction. Therefore i think along with allowing yourself to smoke and enjoy it, one should also be able to harness the need to change. thats where social support comes in. i’m not saying this is true for everyone, but for most people.
@theskafish, @nupurgm, This is actually a hard practice to grasp. It’s still hard for me, but it’s actually a pretty revolutionary stance. And the reason it is so hard is because we have so much mental knowledge about what is “right” and what is “wrong.” This requires you to throw out all of that mental knowledge. For instance, we believe smoking is bad, there’s tons of scientific evidence on it. And ironically all this mental knowledge takes away from our ability to trust our instinctual, bodily knowing.
Think about this: if you really knew something was wrong for you, you wouldn’t do it anymore. It’s that simple. A mental belief is different than a bodily knowing.
What if I want to smoke cigarettes, but I deny myself by willpower because I believe they are “bad” for me. What this requires is to smoke anyways (or sleep in) and just feel all the consequences of it, mental knowledge aside.
Knowledge in the conventional sense is useless in this idea. It’s more about getting in touch with the human animal. For instance, do wild animals think about what foods are right or wrong for them? No, they trust their desires and bodily sensations, and this leads them to the right foods. They KNOW what is right, they don’t merely believe. Humans, on the other hand, have all this mental knowledge about what the right and wrong foods are (i.e. I should eat like a cave man because that’s how we evolved), and look at how unhealthy we are. Because knowledge in the conventional sense distorts our own desires and feelings.
It’s not about thinking, it’s about feeling. If, while you’re smoking, you’re thinking about all the reasons why it’s bad for you, that does not help. Don’t judge what you desire, just go for it and pay attention to the consequences.
So this requires you to throw out all your knowledge, trust and follow your desires regardless of how wrong your mind and scientific knowledge say you are, and fully feel the effects of what you do. Because if you integrate the effects with your actions, you learn what is right and wrong.
I think I’m going to write a post on this idea if you’re interested.
I quit three months ago after smoking for 27yrs. I have tried a number of methods over the past three or so years and I know uncategorically that this time I have cracked it. The method I used this time is irrelevant. I know I will never smoke again because for the first time I can look around at people who smoke and genuinely wonder why they would deliberately poison their bodies, dramatically increasing the risk of a number of life threatening diseases (heart, lungs, stroke etc…), reduce lung capacity thereby inhibiting life affirming physical activities and reducing the time they will ultimately spend on this amazing homeworld of ours. They do this knowingly. And fuck me if they don’t actually spend hard earned cash to achieve this.
The list of ‘smoking negatives’ is vast. The positives……..I’m struggling here. The positives are actually no more than a weak excuse to carry on.
The difference for me this time is purely psychological. Instead of subscribing to thoughts of ‘wish I could have a smoke’ or ‘how hard this is to quit ‘I have seen the act of smoking for what it really is and frankly, I’m better than that. I’m intelligent and I truly want to improve my world. But it has to start with the man in the mirror.
@mikeyw829, i completely get what you say and it is an evolutionary disability the human race has picked up. Looking forward to reading your article!
Also, if you look at it from a counsellor’s point of view, quitting an addiction depends on the person and no matter how much you try and make them see sense, other methods can work faster. If a person has a high external locus of control, they essentially require external support, motivation and guidance to make that change.
@johnharris67, ” Instead of subscribing to thoughts of ‘wish I could have a smoke’ or ‘how hard this is to quit ‘I have seen the act of smoking for what it really is and frankly, I’m better than that. I’m intelligent and I truly want to improve my world.”
Bravo, man. I always love stories of dramatic improvement or change for the better, people realizing they are strong enough to defeat the nasty things of the world and actually doing it too. Keep it up.
@snaysler, I liked what you said here as well: ““hey, don’t smoke that, like…what are you doing?………You know? You don’t need that. You’re such a wonderful person and you really don’t need to be doing that in your life.” “
@karstens, you can always express how you feel about the unhealthy habit, what the consequences are, but as a smoker I can tell you that you won’t be able to persuade him to quit. he’ll have to want to do it himself. you can always just encourage and reinforce it with positivity. any aggression will only make any addiction worse. you can also suggest vaping, I know plenty of people who use that as an alternative and it does work for some people. but like my grandpa always says, “if you smoke, you die… if you don’t smoke, you still die.” smoking is a really bad habit, but there are so many things in this world that are health threatening and perhaps even more so from common products you use everyday without second guessing it. aerosols, fragrances, “fresh produce,” commercial cleaners, fluoride from your tap, etc.
I like smoking but i guess since i know it’s bad so i don’t get attached, i know i can’t smoke forever; So from time to time i just quit. Sometimes when i smoke the cigarettes don’t even have an affect or they give me a headache, it’s not that hard to quit. Unless you GENUINELY enjoy them like me or your bored, just find something else or accept it. However it is unfortunate some people do get addicted but addiction to me is more of a compulsion/choice. Like eating or watching allot of TV.
You can’t really quit, quitting is a delusion all he needs to do is find a healthier equally satisfying way to supplement his habit. He will still be addicted but won’t have the burden of cancer or death. What a conundrum.