College Student Needing Dating Advice

Nyc Guy (@nycguy) 10 years, 5 months ago

Hello. Recently came across HE and decided to give it a try, looks great so far. I’m in a bit of a predicament, I’m quite good friends with a girl who happens to be from the UK on exchange at my university. We do quite a lot of things together, always dinner/lunch etc…/Sitting in her room BS’ing around. Now I know most of your first reactions will be friend zone, but I know what the friend zone is and this isin’t it.

My issue is that she’s got a boyfriend back home. I’ve actually met him, so have many of my friends (who also happen to be exchange students etc…), nothing against the guy, but he’s not really right for this girl.

I know it’s probably not my place to try and usurp the boyfriend, but in british terms, I do quite "fancy" this girl and am really not sure how to approach the situation besides just letting it play out and having her come to the realization ( if it’ll ever happen) that this bloke is a loser.

Any advice would be great!

December 14, 2011 at 6:10 pm
ButternutSquash (75) (@equanimity) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

Every action we make creates a ripple effect. Be aware of who you’re really looking out for in this situation. For example: you say that her boyfriend isn’t right for her, but is this because you “fancy” her or because you genuinely want her happiness?

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Nyc Guy (0) (@nycguy) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

I’m going to go with happiness, he’s a nice guy, but my friends and I agree (and they are all very outspoken/not agreeable), she needs to rethink her relationship status.

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Kristian (81) (@lordcat) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

That’s something you gonna have to flip a coin over.
When it’s in the air you’re heart will tell you what is right, and then you’ll know what to.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

“If he’s not there with her, she’s fair game” or “No game without a goalie” are quotes that come to mind.

Seriously, he doesn’t own her. If she prefers to be with you, then obviously this guy doesn’t mean much to her. She’s fair game. Just have fun and stop thinking about such things. Why would you think when you’re with a lady?

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Jordan Lejuwaan (23,445)A (@jordan) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

Has she expressed discontent with the relationship? What about the bf doesn’t sit right with you?

This is a tough one. If you just tell her how you feel, she will probably spiral into over-thinking, guilt mode and likely miss out on what could be a very good thing for her. If you kiss her first, she’ll have a real sensation with which to compare the boy back home.

I’m biased because I’ve done this twice before and it has worked out for the girl both times.

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Kristian (81) (@lordcat) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

Oh shit yeah. I must add that too like what Jordan said, Don’t tell her with words. Actions speak louder.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

Yep, actions are better than words. This is key. Especially when dealing with the ladies.

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bruce (5) (@lonebear) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

“She’s fair game”… interesting. I would think women would object to being a “trophy” to the hunting mentality of the male mind by now.

@nyc guy: if what you have to offer is more desirable to her than what the boyfriend has, then it becomes a non-issue. She will be after you, and all you have to do is to be yourself.

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Nyc Guy (0) (@nycguy) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

All great advice haha, some responses.

The thing is, I don’t think she’s used to guys coming up to her/being upfront/chasing her etc…., she may come off as intimidating to other guys, but being from NYC, in all seriousness, nothing really intimidates me xD.

I agree with Jordan, she would probably have some adverse reaction to me being overly upfront about it. To my knowledge, both of them have never had a gf/bf before. So they’re each others “first” if that makes sense. So I think it’s turned into that sort of let’s be attached to each others hip instead of having an actual relationship. More about keeping everyone happy than enjoying your time together.

She’s not expressed discontent with the relationship, but she never talks about her boyfriend. It’s a very confusing thing.

I’d like to be upfront about it, but it may risk a good friendship that we have now. Boyfriend just needs to be removed from the picture. If she had come here sans BF, this would have already been in the bag haha.

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Kristian (81) (@lordcat) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

STOP TALKING AND GO KISS HER.

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Nyc Guy (0) (@nycguy) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

lol @kristian, she went back to the UK for the holidays, I have a month till that time. Hopefully her eyes are opened a bit haha

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

If your friendship gets ruined because of something like this, it wasn’t gonna be a good friendship to begin with. Stop rationalizing and spread some love.

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Kristian (81) (@lordcat) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

Thank you Manimal. You put it better than how I said it.

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Nyc Guy (0) (@nycguy) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

Good point guys, thanks a lot. In a months time i’ll make my move haha

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 10 years, 5 months ago ago

What Bruce said.

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