In the four hour workweek by Tim Ferriss, he specifies some comfort challenges. These are basically tasks for you to be more comfortable with yourself. Have you ever not done something because you worried about what others think? I have. The most important decisions are never comfortable.
Here’s three of them:
**Learn the Eye Gaze**
People are typically are uncomfortable when eye contact is made for a long time. In conversation, maintain eye contact when you are speaking. Practice with people bigger or more confident than yourself. If a passerby asks you what the hell you’re staring at, just smile and respond, "sorry about that. I thought you were an old friend of mine." Focus on one eye and be sure to blink occasionally so you don’t look like a psychopath or get your ass kicked.
**Get Phone Numbers**
The goal will be to get numbers from attractive females/males. (girls you’re in this too) Remember the real goal is not to get the numbers but get over the fear of asking, so the outcomes are unimportant. A mall is a great place to try this. He recommends to get over the discomfort quickly, ask three people in a row within five minutes. Here’s an example script he provides.
"Excuse me, I know this is going to sound strange, but if I don’t ask you know, I’ll be kicking myself for the rest of the day. I’m running to meet a friend [i.e., I have friends and am not a stalker], but I think you’re really [extremely, drop dead] cute [gorgeous, hot]. Could I have your phone number? I’m not a psycho – I promise. You can give me a fake one if you’re not interested."
**Relax in Public**
Simply lie down in the middle of a crowded public place at some point. Lunchtime is ideal. It can be a well trafficked sidewalk, the middle of a popular Starbucks, or a popular bar. There is no real technique. Just lie down and remain silent on the ground for 10 seconds. Then get up and continue with what you were doing. Don’t explain it at all. If someone asks you about it, just say that you felt laying down for a little bit.
Now I have only accomplished the first one. I’m typically the guy who doesn’t break eye contact first now in conversation. Now I have "tackled" the second challenge. I can talk to any stranger now. Man or woman. Compliments are the easiest way to start a conversation in my opinion. I plan on going all the way and asking strangers for numbers this week. I’ve thought about the last one but haven’t actually done it.
Being comfortable with yourself and others is EXTREMELY liberating. I used to be very shy and worried a lot about what others thought. You can’t please everyone. You’ll feel like a new person.
Anyone else have any comfort challenges? (for after I do these ones!)
Thank you for bringing up a PERFECT blog article idea! I’ll take the best ideas and put them together :) Here are a few that come to mind:
1) Wear some crazy piece of clothing that will definitely get looks like short-shorts for guys or an insane hair piece for ladies. I’m sporting some 80’s shooooort-shorts right now and it’s hilarious to see people stare.
2) Ask a question to a giant group of strangers. An easy example is asking ‘who’s hungry?’ in a huge line for food. Talking to one stranger is one thing….a group is another.
3) Take on a persona or an accent when dealing with a stranger like a waiter or cashier. Becoming comfortable with being someone who is more difficult to pull off than just being yourself is an extra challenge and very fun.
However, I am a HUGE eye contact person. And I am always the girl that asks for numbers for my friends when they want phone numbers from random “hot” people….
Sooooo, being ballsy is kiiinda up my alley. ;)
That book is killer. It’s good to push your comfort zone often, just not at the expense of anyone else. So many of us get stuck in the fear of being different mentality. It’s pretty much a tribal thing. When we don’t go along with the crowd, we fear rejection. Rejection from the group was directly related to survival by our primitive ancestors. It’s still very active in our psyche. It’s good to break that as we evolve.
I think, too, it matters that WE as individuals realize how much weight we put in the opinions of complete random strangers.
I mean, yes, you know, don’t go purposely offending people, lol, but really, WHY does the opinion of someone we will likely never see again matter if it is negative? Now, if they think you’re awesome for laying down in the middle of the store, then more power to them, maybe they should gather up courage to talk to you and tell you how awesome they think you are! LOL!
HAHAHA Rain! You’re right. The opinion of some stranger should not matter much, especially negative. It’s wired into most of our minds though that it does matter, even if it’s erroneous. I say do what thou wilt. Comfort zones SUCK and keep us small.
Jordan: I love doing accents around strangers. I had to take driving school for a speeding ticket a while back, and I ended up convincing the entire class I was Scottish, and just last night my best friend and I walked down the street talking in Russian accents just to see how people would look at us.
That said, this entire topic is a great idea. I’m definitely going to do a few of these.
Jordan, the other night, I went out with a friend, and when a soldier showed up in full dress to grab food, I ran up to the cashier and paid for his food. :) It was outside of my zone, for sure, but it was worth every cent. :) I was thinking of HE when I did it. I also laid down in a bar that night BEFORE I got my drinks, lmao, so it was a willing choice. It was PACKED, too. I just shrugged, grinned, and laid down in the line for drinks for like 15 seconds before popping back up like nothing happened.