Common problems, are there common solutions?

 Sun Zi (@SunZi)6 years, 8 months ago

I don’t know what people were like 50 years ago in my same situation, so I will not pass judgement on how “today is less socially connected” or how straight forward life was compared to now. I do believe that I have a lot of questions and problems with things I can’t seem to find the answer too. Perhaps its just my particular life circumstances but I would love to know if people have similar problems, even slightly the same.

I lived in China for 5 years and finding REAL friends was extremely difficult. For many multiple reason that I wont go into now. Now that I am back in my “home country” I find it also extremely difficult but for different reasons. I’m 25 years old in a very high level position in my families international company. The people I generally interact with are much older than I and also nothing like me.

To be brutally honest I find many people very see through. I see hidden motives for friendship, I see petty jealousy and I see general discomfort around other human beings. The vast majority of people that I meet almost always try to put forward an image of who they are. This social “shield” is usually very different from their true personality and that completely bugs me. I can’t understand why people are so defensive, jealous and petty creatures. Is this getting worse? I have been told that I am arrogant, this comes from a pure fear that people will attack the “true” me. I am aware and openly try and change this.

To be honest I don’t know if posting this here will be of any help at all or if I’m just trying to get this out.

I was born in America but grew up in Ireland but have never felt welcome in this country. My interests and personality doesn’t seem to fit in here. As I’ve stated above even if it did, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to find people that are the same. The city I live in is close to our HQ but is a tourist town of about 25,000 people, so I think location wise I’m out luck.

Its important to note that I live with my girlfriend and am extremely lucky to have found somebody like her.

At the same time I think I am spoilt. I have found friends that have similar interests while in China but expats moved around a lot and now they are spread around the world. If one day I could put all my friends in one room I feel like I would be content in that moment. The problem now is I don’t have a support structure. I don’t believe social media helps us connect like some would like to believe. I cannot find one platform that houses at least 5% of my friends. Most barely use any of the options but mainly they are scattered across different platforms.

The worst thing is I see through YouTube that these content creators seem to have found a group. They seem to have people that I want to know. I have tried to “reach” out to these in a few different ways. But every time I don’t feel accepted enough to continue. This could all be in my head.

The internet is not doing what I think it should do. I do not feel better connected. I cannot find groups that accept who I am. What the hell am I and what group can I fit into?

Thank you for reading.

October 5, 2014 at 5:57 pm
Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

You fit into a group that call themselves humans. 90% of them are hypocrites and get in trouble for it. The rest know and get in trouble for knowing. Actually the problem isn’t with how the internet works for people, but how they work with each other. It’s pretty transparent, and believe it or not, most problems start from being petty until it’s exaggerated from fear.

I hope I helped with the clarity part.

The connection between people happens in more sensitive ways. Usually through music or humor. Not really hating the same things, but close. How you decide to approach social medias is your own decision. For me personally, being attentive and actually making people sing? Unusual, but it fucking works!

Also, being social doesn’t mean you’ll connect with everyone. The more we grow older the more we realize no one knows what the shit they’re even doing, which is a good base for starting a conversation anyway. Unless the person you’re communicating with is just a know-it-all idiot, you have the right to be selectively social and the less humble you are the less real friends you’ll have.

I bet I can relate with everyone that loves sugar. Also, life. And perhaps everyone that is less intimidated by anything or strives to be.

What if I told you that actually sharing things like this without wearing a mask is the real problem? It’s intimidating. There’s no emotion in text. Most lies are texts anyway. I’m friends with people who love my monologues.

Sun Zi (0) (@SunZi) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

I appreciate your reply and agree with what you say. I just needed a place I could rant and communicate with people who are REALLY open minded. A lot of people say they are open minded these days but tend to be very close minded. It’s really refreshing to come to a place where opinions are respected. Thank you

chaz (0) (@chazmet) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

What’s up brotha, you do have to realize people put up a social shield, but its because people don’t really know how they are acting. It is just natural to come off that way. All you need is a few close friends, don’t worry about everyone else.

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