Dealing with Self Centered People

Jack Fayden (@JackFayden) 8 years, 6 months ago

Hey there everyone. So I’ve been having a lot of issues with my brother lately. Here’s a quick rundown. He’s 16, I’m 22. My mom just recently got a house close to where I’m going to college and we’re sharing the attic. Now I’m all for spending time with my brother and we’re really tight, but every now and then he just gets so inconsiderate and shitty with me about the littlest things and it really kind of fucking hurts.

I know this sounds pretty trivial but I’m the kind of person that cares about people and takes into account their feelings and opinions. So when he gets like this it does nothing but disgust me and make me sad, then angry, then furious; to the point where I want to just tackle him and scream in his face not to be such a piece of shit to someone who’s probably the closest person to him, (me).

I feel like there’s some philosophical point to be made in this about human interaction, nature vs. nurture and all that. I’m also just looking for help. I know he’s only a teenager, and I know that there’s an inherent adjustment period with living together like this, (especially with as fucked up as our family dynamic is). I’m just looking for some healthy conversation or advice on the subject.

Thanks in advance everyone!

July 28, 2013 at 11:22 pm
Anonymous (119) (@) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

Why don’t you just go tell him how you feel. keep it simple.

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Jack Fayden (2) (@JackFayden) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

@aestheticbrah, I have. A couple of times now. Just doesn’t seem to matter. He’s kind of spoiled and used to people doing a bunch of shit for him. So I keep getting this vibe of, “Well it doesn’t matter how shitty I treat him. He’s my brother and he’ll always be there no matter what so fuck it.” It’s driving me nuts and I don’t know what else to do. :(

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Anonymous (0) (@) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

@JackFayden, Try to remember all actions done against someone is because of a struggle within that person. Nothing is really personal. Ignore it and get past it. Kill him with kindness if you choose or just ignore it.

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Jack Fayden (2) (@JackFayden) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

@stevenv, Thanks Steven. I just feel so used up by the people in my life anymore that it all seems to be coming to a head lately, especially with this situation. Tired of going out of my way for people in my life and not having anything to show for it x.x

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

@JackFayden, You should question how different you were at his age.

I have a friend who has the craziest brother – borderline psychotic, wouldn’t put murder out of the question for him. Over the years he has calmed, to a degree, and I am very much interested when the two talk, or more appropriately – argue.

What seems to have really connected the two in a way beyond just friends, and more into brothers who understand each other is the fact that the older brother knows he was just like him when younger – restless, careless, foolish, naive, but still good willed when sat down and spoken too.

When they talk, often the older brother says
“I get it, I know who you are, but you’re going to learn like me – the hard way. I’m looking out for you, I’m seeing you fall in my footsteps and making the same mistakes I made. Sometimes its tough to watch this, but deep down, I know I did the same things, the same thoughts, the same foolishness. You’re going to learn the hard way, and that’s the only way I was able to learn too. I just hope it doesn’t get too hard.”

I think you should take into account that in order to be that close to your brother you know him well, and that you should be able to see a little you in there as well, no matter how different the appearance is, he likely shares half your genes, if not more. He was brought up with the same parents, in relatively the same time.

We all struggle with selfishness, but to imagine that we, ourselves, are not laboring others with the very same problem is naive. Relate to him.

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Anonymous (0) (@) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

@JackFayden, Well always focus on yourself. You shouldn’t feel like you’re going out of your way to help people unless you really want to than you wouldn’t be going out of your way. You would be following your way (path) and helping someone. You’ll realize and be able to get past all this easily.

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Jack Fayden (2) (@JackFayden) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the incite. It is crazy how alike he and I are in a lot of ways. We talk/laugh about it all the time. I try to take into account his age and I remember how angsty I was during my teenage years but I take stupid things to heart with him sometimes when I should know better.

I definitely have taken a deeper approach to our relationships as brothers over the past year and I’m not quite sure he knows what that means or entails yet. So I guess part of the problem is trying to force him to be on the same level of understanding about it that I am when he just can’t yet. We’re both stubborn and hard headed thanks to our mom and I know he has to learn shit the hard way just like I do. I try to give him advice when I can and warn him about mistakes and all of those things. Our relationship is great except for this one thing that I’ve mentioned here. I wouldn’t even mind it so much but it just keeps happening and for some reason it’s just such a big deal when it does that I can’t even think straight afterwards.

Definitely appreciate the talk guys, thanks.

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