Demons and Addictions

 apricelessgoat (@aworthlessgoat)8 years, 1 month ago

It seems like I’m always addicted to something. Porn, Pain, Video games, Sugar, Stumbleupon, Adrenaline, Women and affection, Movies or shows, Weed, etc. If I shut out one thing, I pick up the next or I combine different ones throughout the day. My brain is starting to feel fried and hardwired for the stimulation. I think this must be because of my past scars that haven’t healed. I punish myself for all the pain I’ve caused others I’m afraid to fix myself now. I slip away into escapes because I’m not sure what to do with myself without them.

I need healing, but the kind that I can’t get addicted too. I’m sure most of you are going to say you just have to control yourself. If you don’t want to do this then don’t do it. But it’s like there’s something inside my brain that wants these things so badly. I constantly hear my own voice asking for porn or to play vid games for 5 hours or just eat that whole bag of mini-eggs. It keeps going until something wins. Some days I can keep busy and some days I can’t. I would be okay with all of that if I knew it wouldn’t affect my mental state but it does. I can feel my energy being drained as I do these things.

Anyone know of good healing things or medicines. I’d like to avoid something that will trigger a relapse. I’m starting to feel as though I’m strong enough to purge myself.
I’m gonna brew ayahuasca this summer but I’d like to be on my way to having a healthy mind before that.

April 22, 2013 at 7:50 pm
Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

Passionate people just have to get addicted to something positive

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apricelessgoat (34) (@aworthlessgoat) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

Tried that, liked it, failed, moved on to the next thing or back to an old one @anjelica,

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@aworthlessgoat, “I’m gonna brew ayahuasca this summer”
Not a good idea from your other posts

Have you taken any other hallucinogens? Ayahusca is
1. You take when you are comfortable with all other psychedelics
2. You take it in the presence of a shaman

There really isn’t another way to do it.

Beyond that, you are only addicted to something when you acknowledge that. The moment when you think “I should probably do less” or “Maybe I shouldn’t do that today (but end up doing it anyway)”. These are addictions.

I’m going to make a radical claim here that if you don’t think like this, you don’t get addicted. That is, if you wire yourself to never question your actions, you will never be addicted.

I know this sounds stupid, and that you would believe that a heroin addict becomes addicted because s/he never questions it. But I don’t think so. It is only at the point where you say to yourself “Maybe I shouldn’t” that you have some issue.

SO… quite abstract, but if you train yourself to never ask these questions, things will never become a problem. You will set yourself up to never get to the point to ask such questions, therefore completely avoiding ‘addictions’.

Beyond that, there are great addictions out there, like making art or just making.

I hope this makes any sense to you. Its only recently come to my attention that the actual question of being addicted is what controls addiction… with my drinking & kratom use.

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Edward Bernays (131) (@edwardbernays) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@ijesuschrist, I’m not entirely sure I agree with your theory about addictions. However, thats an interesting way of looking at it.

@aworthlessgoat, Change things up. All the time. Another idea would be to find a job/hobby that completely takes your mind off everything else. When I feel that compulsion towards something, I stop and really think about it. What am I getting out of this? How is this benefiting me? And most importantly, is this REALLY what I wanna be doing? Often times the answer is no after more thought, then I don’t do the compulsive action.

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Woodsy (30) (@woodsy) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@aworthlessgoat, seeing yourself as the type of person who doesn’t have unproductive addictions* and building on to that identity with very very very small proofs helped me. It starts to snowball, and you live/ build goals/ act or think like someone who is [insert who you want to become].

*or whatever behavior

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Woodsy (30) (@woodsy) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@aworthlessgoat, also, you’ve already realized that you don’t want to be where you are at or doing what you do, and probably realizing you don’t want to carry regret/ guilt/ negative state/ self -hate/ etc around inside you because… well… you typed this post.

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apricelessgoat (34) (@aworthlessgoat) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@ijesuschrist, I’ve done acid and shrooms and they were a lot of fun. DMT is something I want to try and I’ve read I can make my own as well. From what I’ve read about ayahuasca you can just brew some mimosa or just some caapi and its like only half of the experience but it still helps heal you. IF I could take it with a shaman I would. I don’t know where to look to sign up for anything like that though. I have thought about your theory of addictions before. I’ve done it with some things when I was younger. But I’m at the point where these things are becoming a problem. It’s time for me to stop. People say Aya is wonderful healing drug. They say you die, you flush out all your demons and you are shown your life and mind from pure wisdom. It sounds like exactly what I need. I’m also gonna do some more shrooms this summer too. Those are fun.

@edwardbernays, Yeah I get what you’re saying. Ask myself if it’s necessary or if it’s even going to be fun or useful. That works sometimes and sometimes I don’t make it to that question or the urge is too great.

@woodsy, Positive self view…gee that would be great to have consistently

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Caleb McCoy (111) (@cjmccoy93) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

On a similar vein as @ijesuschrist, you have addictions because that is what you call these activities. Words are immensely powerful (still waiting on that screen name change, mate). Stop trying to rationalize these “addictions” as healing from past hurts (although that is very well possible). Grieve and move on. You’re only powerless because you believe yourself to be powerless. Its true that ayahuasca helps with addictions, but those are physical dependencies (and the success rate is only 50/50). Everything you listed are just behaviors or activities. You don’t need a drug to escape this fatalistic, self-defeating mindset. And that’s good news.
You’re stronger than you think

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Anonymous (27) (@) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@cjmccoy93, You Preach Brother!!!

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apricelessgoat (34) (@aworthlessgoat) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@cjmccoy93, I did change it, can’t you see?

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Caleb McCoy (111) (@cjmccoy93) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@aworthlessgoat, Oh, my bad man. I like it

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@edwardbernays, I know, it doesn’t make sense. But I think it does. I’ve still gotta explore it more, but it seems like once you stop questioning your actions, your actions don’t need to be questioned…

@aworthlessgoat, “shrooms this summer too. Those are fun.”

Its just my perspective but for those who say hallucinogens are ‘fun’ … Well this is not in the same vein as one should take ayahuasca. Ayahuasca is a beautifully healing drug, but it is a tool and it should not be taken lightly, as with all entheogens. On ayahuasca, at a high dose, you will die. You will face death, you will die, you may go to heaven or hell and live out an eternity of bliss or suffering, and then you return. The healing process comes about in two forms
1. You are released from all the suffering and you become humbled by all things, in awe at the massive universe. You realize you are a drop in the ocean, and your problems are nothing.
2. You are released from all bliss and you become in love with all things, in awe at the beauty of the universe. You realize we are all drops in the ocean, and we can all act together.

OF course I’m generalizing, but this is generally how the interpretation of the trip goes.

But for those with inner-turmoil, ayahuasca will not always be forgiving. That is just something to remember. You may want to take a double dose of mushrooms before setting sail in the ocean of ayahuasca.

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apricelessgoat (34) (@aworthlessgoat) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@ijesuschrist, Shrooms are fun…I handled them just fine the first time I took them. I realize how they can fuck with your mind but I also know how they can help.
I know I could handle ayahuasca. “Ayahuasca is a beautifully healing drug”, sounds like what I need.

Die and live out my suffering or bliss? and then come back maturer and wiser and healed? sounds pretty great. Doesn’t matter what happens to me during the trip, people come back and they’re better off for having had the experience. The stories go that people come back with a purpose, that they talk to different aspects of their lives and figure out what’s working and what isn’t. I’m not sure what would happen to me, but I’m very interested

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@aworthlessgoat, That is often the case when ayahuasca is taken with a shaman, or in a group with people who have had experience.

Its not something to be taken lightly, is all I’m saying, and from your previous posts, it just seems like you might need some guidance in something as heavy as ayahuasca. From me to you, I would say hold off on the ayahuasca, and double your shroom amount instead.. or take a trip to peru and meet a shaman.

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@aworthlessgoat, beyond that I’d recommend reading in this subforum:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me/forum/default.aspx?g=topics&f=71

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apricelessgoat (34) (@aworthlessgoat) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@ijesuschrist, Peru would be awesome. Can’t go now though, too much to do back home.

I’m not taking it lightly per se, I’m just looking forward to it. I’ve read quite a bit on what it can do and I’ve listened to Joe Rogan’s friend talk about his entire trip. It’s definitely something I want to do. A spiritual walk through different dimensions? Other worlds and Spirit guides and dying and being reborn? That sounds like what I’ve been dreaming about my whole life. I’ll do some more shrooms before hand in honor of your advice and there’s no guarantee I’ll get to it this summer anyways but ill get there.

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Shu (32) (@shupac) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@aworthlessgoat, what you’re addicted to is dopamine (it’s actually referred to as the addiction molecule), explained here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do

The most famous addiction support program is probably Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s commonly known that AA provides community to support individuals through their recovery. Less commonly known is that AA has a large religious component.

It’s been observed that during times of high stress, some AA members relapse and some don’t. In a controlled study, researchers determined that when all other variables held the same, whether or not addicts relapsed was correlated to their faith in God. They found that it’s not about believing in the Christian God but rather believing that they’ll get through that rough patch that prevents them from relapsing.

So it’s funny you titled this post Demons and Addictions. In my personal experience with addiction recovery, as recent as this morning, having faith has made a huge difference. I can elaborate more if you’re interested.

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