laying everything out on the table:
I feel stagnant in my life. For one, I do have a pretty decent paying job (which is kind of turning into a career) but can feel myself/my life kind of suffocating a bit because of it. The only “substances” I’ve ever ingested have been alcohol & marijuana, and i very rarely do either. I don’t have many friends at all because they have mostly gone away to live their lives elsewhere, as would be expected. I’ve been to a rainbow gathering, which has been really my only taste of living outside the “norm”, and I know many folks have different opinions of gatherings… i really just went out of boredom & the desire to travel. I have been to a few different states, i’ve been to Aruba (won a free vacation, that was awesome), but have never been overseas. I recently gave up being a vegetarian but am trying to go back to it and eventually be mostly vegan. I’ve been in a lot of bad relationships, experience a couple horrible deaths of those extremely close to me, and have grieved about them a lot. When I was 19, I made the decision to have an abortion because I was NOT prepared to have a child (judgments of that and negative comments will be promptly ignored). I have tried going to college a couple times, but traditional schooling will NEVER be my cup of tea; i learn from pure experience…good old fashioned trial & error. I live with my significant other and we love & treat each other like gold. He is a really thoughtful, in tune person… a phish/deadhead with hippie tendencies, smokes a lot of weed, makes me his priority, which i do not expect him to do and for that i love him all the more. I enjoy singing and i think i’m pretty good… i went to a performing arts high school (graduated in 2008) but never really pursued any sort of musical career. My dreams have consisted lately of travel with my significant other, and thinking of ways i could accomplish that (we have recently been talking about buying a travel trailer and hitting the road). I have never lived outside my home state (23 years old). Outside of a few incredibly negative experiences, I feel like I have not really LIVED, and am where i am because of the paralyzing fear of jumping outside of my comfort zone. and although i have a fun summer planned (going to some shows, spending time on the beach) i am seeking outside opinions because I feel I can’t really bring this up to those around me. Without knowing me, could I get some suggestions from you beautiful strangers?
Do i just need a vacation? plan a life in a new place? try hallucinogens? take up a hobby? keep doing what i’m doing? go on a roadtrip? get a new job? HELP!
I’ve attempted writing multiple responses to this, as I totally identify with most of what you’re speaking of – though, it’s proving harder than I thought to get the thoughts out clearly. Despite that, I’m going to keep trying! (So, expect a more complete response soon). Just don’t want you to think nobody read this!
invest in something you love. something that thinking deeply, clearly, and whole heartedly will benefit from. something that no one else needs to understand. psychedelics will call on you once the right structures are in place for growth.
“The path you’re supposed to follow is the only one that’s left open in front of you.”
– Rudy Reyes, Apocalypse Man.
Work harder. Pick up a second job. Be so tired, have no time to think about life. Just kidding, don’t do that.
Find some volunteer work or an organization to get involved with. When you’re helping others you think less about your own affairs and focus more on doing what’s right and good.
Be aware of you life, but not so self-conscious of it. I mean really, you’re gonna keep doing your own thing whether that little “am I really living?” voice is there or not. Find things you enjoy about you work and your routine then dive into it. Pursue it to it’s fullest. Even it dose’t bring you nirvana at least you can fall asleep tired each night knowing you worked hard in your days.
@halliem, hey, whoa, we have a lot in common, including the phish/deadhead boyfriend(who turned me into both as well), attempting college(sort of), singing, age range, and interests. unfortunately I cannot give you an answer, but I can tell you some things that have helped me in the past. developing new interests to get excited about and dedicate myself to(some examples include cooking, hoop dancing, learning new instruments), reminding myself to slow down and breathe and be ok with not doing or thinking anything 24/7, being outside as much as possible, opening myself to the possibility of connecting with people I might normally be closed off to, new music etc.
I wanted to send you a private message but for some reason couldn’t find the button on your profile.
I feel pretty similarly to you. School was not for me. My personal hopes are that I can pay off the debt I have towards what schooling I did get, then save enough to build a self-sustainable home such as an earthship. Then I can live a life focused wholly on what I love: music, reading, traveling, loving life and people instead of feeling so damn anxious all the time about whether next week, next month, or next year might see me on my ass with nothing to live for.