i cant figure out for the life of me if i am ready to be in a relationship, or if i just hate being alone with my thoughts… does anione else feel this wway??
If being alone with your thoughts is difficult for you, I’d say you’re probably not ready for a relationship. Although we all feel lonely from time to time, loneliness is a sign of a lack of self-love. Do what you can to become your own best friend. Embrace yourself completely, both your light and dark. Do things that you fear. Surprise yourself.
I believe that only once you’re entirely satisfied with who you are and satisfied with the single life should you open yourself to the possibility of a relationship. But even then, relationships should not be sought after. Relationships come to you when the time is right, so be patient, and don’t actively seek them out, or you’re likely to wind up with someone who is incompatible with you.
@desibeebee, Love is not uniquely human, it flows through everything and can always be felt. What you are talking about is human attention.
I think that is a problem most people have, they think they can only get love from others, but it is actually the most abundant thing in the universe.
Most people go about relationships like they are each a half of a circle. Initially, the pieces fit, and it creates a full circle. But, they don’t realize they are pushing into each other constantly, and eventually that circle structure is broken. People fight over energy in different ways, and I’ve seen a lot of relationships where one party obviously controls the energy.
A successful relationship is like two independent circles. They are each stable in their own merit, drawing energy from only themselves. When two circles come together, they can be joined and create something even more beautiful.
So, if you feel like you are a circle, then you may be ready for the romantic love.
If you feel like a half circle, then focus on just becoming whole again.
I feel the same. I am not sure what the answer is though… I thought I knew but now I think I was wrong. I’ve been in relationships since 16 and never had a break till I was 28… Since then I have been semi-single (31 now).
I realize now that what I like most about relationships is the security. The knowing that someone is around to talk to. Someone who makes me feel like I have a use. The moments I miss are mostly things I can get from a GOOD friend… But… When I try to be friends with girls it ends up turning into a sexual relationship. Its seems the more I try not to the more it happens.
So, to answer… Maybe your stronger than me. Maybe YOU can do it. But, we Humans crave bonding with people.
If the things (Like me) you like are any of these… I doubt you can.
+ Waking up next to someone
+ Talking about stupid stuff in the night.
+ Holding hands
+ Watching TV/Movie while snuggling
Then your doomed to relationships.
@dafunks, i cant be in relationships because i always want something different. Grass is always greener on the other side. but i tend to get bored with one persno…. and i cant have an open relationship cuz i dont like seeing someone i like with someone else…. i do like everything u listed.. but i cant deliver in terms of being monogamous… ugh so frustrated lol
I believe what you long for might be being fully, completely seen by ‘another’ being’s pure, aware presence, pure consciousness.
The practice of eye-gazing meditation, as described by Will Johnson in his book ‘Gazing at the Beloved’, can provide you with this absolutely fulfilling transcendent sense of communion, unity, merging, two-becoming-one, total mutual acceptance and surrender, unconditional love and compassion, joy and peace, without even touching, without being in a couple relationship as such. Anyone you get to know, get to trust, are able to genuinely open up to, can become a gazing partner, and thus it’s neither a couple nor an ‘open’ relationship for that matter. But it can accomodate, more than any other form of bonding/communicating, the human craving for attention. And in this practice, the attention is full – there is no talking, no focusing on object or shared hobbies or words, or even not on touching each other’s bodies. You touch each others souls or beings direcly, and the exchange is on many levels – though mostly body language, facial expressions, affects, energetic and immediate awareness attunment.
I a couple of months I intend to start an eye-gazing group/sangha/network in the Netherlands, but I have a larger vision for the future (school of eye-gazing and consciousness).
@desibeebee, lol. I am exactly the same. This is why I have some many ex’s who hate me. I want and try each time though. I was in a 6 year relationship but I started at 19. I met her through dating her best friend. Well, I cheated so much but she would not leave. It was wrong… but I started to enjoy cheating like a game.
The only reason we ended was cos I left. I regret it now cos I have 2 children with her.
Maybe were not meant to be in relationships. I want to be for what I listed…. but I like to be single also.
Its just not fair.
@desibeebee, Hey. I often wondered about this during one phase of my life. I even tried to fall in love, which is one of the most stupidest things one can do. It is sometimes about some person who can hear it out. Some one, who can support you. People say that the best relationship is one in which you don’t even realize falling into. It is a gradual process, and when it is reciprocated, it becomes a bliss. I might sound stupid saying this, but then, its my view. Try talking with yourself. It might really help. Trust me, I had the same issue and it helped me. Cheers!!