I heard those words the other day…
And they make the most amazing sense…
But i seem to fail on both parts…im laxy and regret allot…
I’v been tryna change…and kinda have..but i’m still failing…i lie awake at night and hate myself for things i’v done or said…
I’m posting this cause i dont think i’m alone….so…thoughts?
Mainly….how to change that???
well what are the things you are tryin to change?
think of how it is that you want it to be, if you could have things any way you want, think of that. so for instance, if you want to change your appearance, like lose weight or something, think of how you will feel when you have reached the goal weight you were going for. imagine how you look, and really feel that happiness that you will have.
sometimes ive caught myself laying awake at night, being sad about things that have happened in the past or things i have done and screwed up. but you gotta remember that those things in the past, they cant be changed.
instead catch yourself when you start thinkin that way, and remember how it is that you want things to be, really try and invoke the emotion of feeling happy while envisioning how you want things to be. kinda like a fake it til you make it approach.
if you feel like you hate yourself, tell yourself you love yourself. and keep telling yourself, even if your lying. because eventually, you’ll believe it. and once you believe it, things should just start falling into place.
but dont worry, your not alone.
and those things that you may have regret doing in the past, try and think of any positive things that may have come about because of it, because everything happens for a reason.
maybe check out the blog on this site about the Law of Attraction if you havent already. it sounds crazy, but it really life changing if you let it.
well take care. n i hope this helps. =)
@ Phil: I usually find myself in that position…feeling numb and stuck, and hating myself and not being able to forgive myself and change, feeling doomed!
@Annie: The hardest thing is to stop thinking about bad things you’ve done in the past especially when they were done because you were immature and young and stupid!
it is hard…but the more you are able to catch yourself and notice that you are thinking negatively, the easier it will become.
something that also helps me is that i write alot, and have lots of pictures…so i have a notebook that i have written some fond memories of mine that make me smile or flat out laugh out loud. i also have in there pictures and stuff so that when im feeling down i can whip out my awesome notebook and read it and look at the pics, and it makes me feel better…
“smile when your heart is breaking, smile even though your faking. when there are clouds in the sky, youll get by…if you just smile.” -Smile
think about like this We fuckin exist for the purpose of interaction!
And what the fuck that means is every person and thing you encounter is there for one reason.. and that is for You to interact with them. You shape the world. Thats why the fuck we are alive. So regret is your brain telling you you fucked up. So next time you get the chance to shape your world…Be to the point..get it right and then you dont regret. Do that and the world will fall into your hands.. its like that quantum physics.. every possible outcome is waiting there in front of you for you to choose, and only then it becomes reality.When you choose it..
There is nothing more important than right now. When you make goals or plan for the future the only time you will act on them is now, not in the future. This may not make sense to some people but consider this: when did the last moment end and this one begin? Time is a construction of our minds. Ask any animal what time it is: “The time is now, that’s what time it has always been”. People who are identified with their brains are addicted to thinking. This takes their awareness away from the present moment and they begin to regret past actions or worry about future appointments. We often feel guilty for not acting on certain promises to ourselves. This guilt is dangerous, there is nothing you can do to change the past but your mind loves to get attention by causing you to over-think and over judge past situations. Also the present moment is often uncomfortable or unpleasant, but what is the point of creating resistance to something that “is”. Your happiness depends not on the situation but on your thoughts about it. Life will always give you the moment you need to grow, right now. If you are frustrated or angry at this moment, detach from this thought and become aware of it, it is not who you are but you can learn from it and create the circumstances to evolve your self.
Thanks for the posts.
I’v been thinking about this allot….and so far fari can say, music helps me :) sorta clears your mind.
Also…do something….specifically something you want to do. It’l take your mind of everytning :).
Also dont try change everything. Change all the small things…they eventually add up.
Thanks again :)
“You wont find the beat until you loose yourself in it” ;)
I don’t know how to change it, but am trying and will update if I see any promising results.
However, as far as “hating yourself” for it—don’t. Beating yourself up over it isn’t gonna solve it. Just accept your flaw as a part of you and try to steer back on course, whatever the course may be. Something like, “yes, I’m lazy, but I will not be lazy right now, I will actually go do
when i get “stuck” i find it’s best if i just do something whether i like it or not, and sometimes i have to force myself, but by doing that i end up feeling a thousand times better. because to me the best way to move forward and feel awesome is to take all the seemingly impossible challenges.
Listen to Edith Piaf’s song “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” (No, I Have No Regrets). She is still regarded as France’s greatest singer today. She was raised in a brothel, abused by her father, homeless for much of her teenage years, a raging alcoholic, an abuser of morphine after a car accident, had scandalous, headlining affairs with men, and partied her health into oblivion, eventually leading to an early death. She did some questionable things, and even with all the suffering that came along with the good times she performed this song that embodied everything she believed: no regrets! Maybe don’t party so much that your liver fails you at forty, but free yourself from that regret because you can’t change it anyway. Get out there and start having a blast! You say music helps? Get out to a club and dance all night, I find that very helpful in letting go of stressful shit and relaxing, or go to a show with some friends and meet some people and let the music clear your head. Best of luck!
I almost posted this in the Arrogance thread . . . anyway, who else here is both excelling while falling short of what they secretly know they could be? I am, and I’ve known it for a while. I’ve settled for great when I know I could be sky-scraping spectacular. I’ve been limiting myself to avoid irritating people who are already jealous of my success. This group, fortunately, has no such petty jealousy, no ceiling, and it has liberated me. A few weeks back I left pot smoking behind (graduated, as I told my wife) and since then I have been re-discovering the high gear of my soul. It is fantastic.
For some reason it all crystallized last night while reading the fourth agreement (Do Your Best), in one of those moments that you can sort of feel coming for weeks, one of those “confluence of tons of stuff in a perfect shitstorm of inspiration”. I couldn’t stop thinking of The Rock. Sean Connery hammers Nic Cage, saying “Your “best”! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen”.
So from here on out, I am fucking the prom queen. Who’s with me? and no crap about “Don’t get attached to the results of your actions”, I get it and that totally misses the point.
@dave-thumbs up dude well put
@phil- i used to have a problem with regrets, but you know what? (i think im stating the obvious here, but until you can REALLY understand what im saying you will still have regrets)
*life is a learning process, in order to learn it is pretty much necessary to make make mistakes, the key is to not repeat them…….
*as you know, it is just not possible to change the past, the only thing you CAN change is the present and the future
*when you do something counterproductive (i hate the ideas of right and wrong) to yourself or your life (or others), dont regret it, embrace the fact that you are human and will not always do the best thing, and in the future, dont do it again
*take the things that are bugging you right now (your regrets), and either work on making them better (apologize to people you hurt, or stop eating fast food all the time, etc) or make a plan for how you will do it different in the future (dont answer the phone when your mistress calls (say your married), or enroll in school, etc)
you will find that if you can really understand and embrace those concepts, you will slowly drift away from the regret game, and it will become non-existent in the future. i think it could be argued that regret really doesnt even exist in the first place, its more of a mind set than anything, a constraint that people place in their own minds. In my opinion it is not as tangible as a raw feeling (like love/hate or happy/sad), unless you give it that power. YOU are the master of your own mind, the only thoughts that have power are the ones that you GRANT that power to. the future (which will become your past at some point) is where you should place your focus, not the past (except for the sole purpose of learning), cuz like they say, hindsight IS 20/20……
What stuff do you hate?
First thing: ask yourself *honestly* do I love my kids and my hubby? It’s OK to say “My kids feel like a burden” or “my husband ignores me/bores me.”
There is NOTHING WRONG with feeling that way. However it is a mistake to hide from those types of feelings, pretending everything is hunky-dory because you feel guilty or something. the present is what it is. To change it, you must change it. And change is better than pretending you’re OK with something, when you really aren’t.
Next question: Do you know what you Love and have always wanted to do?
If you can answer yes, you are way ahead of the game. Because you can tell your hubby, and the two of you can work towards it as a mutual goal.
People make marriage out to be this incredibly complicated thing with bizarre rules, but the longer I’ve been married and the more my wife and I have experienced, the more we realize it all boils down to this: Find someone with whom you can be honest, especially about your flaws. Then, be honest and know that your partner will be honest with you as well.
If you know what you want to do and have a partner who will support you, change can be an excited process.
The Marriage is great the kids are “perfect” lol …i was thinking more on the lines of work, job and what i really need to fulfil that part of my life.
Time passes and it just seems that i can never really do for me. :) Guess that is what is being a mother/wife :)
I don’t understand how that attitude is conducive to being a contributing member of a happy family, and it sends a negative message to all the young women reading this site. If your husband truly supports you, you can tell him what you really want to do and he will support you in making the changes you need to make.
If you are unhappy with your job, start looking for a new one or build your own. If you’re concerned about money because of the job transition, you can both agree to cut back on expenses (smaller house/cheaper vacations/fewer restaurants/one car/etc.) during the transitional period. It might not be easy, but if you value happiness over money and stuff it will be worth the effort.
assuming that a mother/wife (or father/husband) is supposed to give up happiness for family makes no sense to me. I see it exactly the opposite: if you’re not happy with your work, it WILL bleed over into the rest of your life unless you make a practice of hiding that unhappiness – in which case you’re not being honest with yourself and your family.
Please don’t view this as an attack – I just don’t think you need to resign yourself to a life of sacrifice simply because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do as a mom.
I would be fine with taking this over to private messaging if you like!
I used to think that way because I have always, always been very haunted by my regrets. That “GOD DAMN IT WHY DID/N’T I DO THAT” feeling. But I think now that a lot of those actions are conditioned habits, and that sheer willpower alone cannot change habit. You can not possibly hope to have that motivation within you every single second of your life. It’s impossible because emotions come from a biological well that will deplete itself. You need to start by changing your habits – that is hard.
A note on regret: you regret the past because of the present that it has caused. You cannot regret the present. Which means that when you were in that position in the past (which you now regret in the present), that past was the present, and you couldn’t have regretted it. Did that make sense? Look up hindsight bias – it describes what I’m trying to say a lot better.