Don't shit your pants: take charge of anxiety

 Max Nachamkin (@feren6)7 years, 6 months ago

Recently I’ve been really sick of letting anxiety get to me. I’ll see a business opportunity that I need to take or see a cute girl that I want to talk to, but it doesn’t matter.

I’ll start freaking out to the point where it becomes something that I can’t control. It becomes so overwhelming that I have to stop whatever I’m doing and leave the room or do something else to handle it.

I see a cute girl that I want to go talk to. Nope, too anxious.
Gotta give a huge business presentation that I can’t afford to mess up. Too bad, messed up because I couldn’t compose myself.

Does this ever happen to any of you?

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve made a conscious effort to say “fuck that” to anxiety in not letting it control me. So I found 5 useful techniques to help me look at anxiety and re-frame it so that it doesn’t control my actions anymore:

1) Imagine the worst case scenario
2) Imagine the best case scenario
3) Remember that “You can’t succeed unless you fail”
4) Visualize the process to focus and get in the zone
5) Don’t talk about it to yourself

When I go through these, I start to loosen up and eventually I just push past the anxiety and do what I want to do. Over time, I’ve seen anxiety as more of an indicator of “go time” rather than “I shouldn’t do this”. It means I’m pushing my boundaries and…growing!

I wrote an entire article on it here:

What are your thoughts on anxiety? How do you handle it? Do you let it get to you too much?

I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Rock on HEthens

March 14, 2013 at 2:39 pm
Conner J. (1,557) (@connerj93) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@feren6, For myself, the best way to get around anxiety is to force thoughts to flow forward. Instead of picking up and examining the anxious thought, I let it mold back into where it came from, gradually allowing me to block it out completely.

Alex (345) (@staylucky) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Anxiety pretty much rules my life. HOORAY!

Anonymous (359) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

What I do is I force myself to reject the idea that my life is a performance and that I need to align with my environment. The environment will align with me when I own my thoughts, feelings, ignorance, and insights and stop pressuring myself to gain approval.

This is all people-pleasing anxiety though.If I was having anxiety because I was about to go skydiving …. I would probably never go skydiving. hahha

Anonymous (68) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@feren6, u cant succeed unless u understand failure. :P

And why do u all consider anxiety unwanted state of mind, and try not to think that way? Youre just avoiding the truth that way. Thinking of something nice and suppressing anxiety isnt solution. And the most important: anxiety is not a problem.

Cameron (0) (@camscottie) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Bare in mind this is just my opinion. The best thing for me to do is detach from the outcome, and live in the moment. There are infinite possibilities of how things can go, so if you just let it flow, it’s less focused on pleasing other people and pleasing yourself. What I think anxiety comes from in my experience is the culmination of emotional trauma that’s stored in you, and is a trigger of something that happened in the past that had a negative outcome. @feren I see how you fighting it has worked for you and made you determined and that’s awesome man, but I see anxiety as the result of looking at what may come of the future, instead of being in the now, which I think makes it a fight instead of a constant flow. I mean yeah I know you have to prepare yourself for things, as they say, knowledge is power, but if theirs something that needs done in your mind and as you said when it’s ‘go time’, if your in the moment and trust your intuition, then anxiety isn’t a problem.

Eric (59) (@eric0127) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Ive had some pretty serious anxiety problems recently. What has really helped me was reading “The Power of Now.” Whenever I start to get anxious about something, I realize that it is because Im thinking about the future and overwhelming myself instead of being mindful of the greatness that is the present moment

Martin (7) (@martinv) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@feren6, you said “3) Remember that “You can’t succeed unless you fail””

Well, you mean that by failing you are succeding because a failure is kind of a success?
I didn’t read this quote before so I’ve researched for it.

It’s better to mark these ones:

“You can’t succeed in life unless you have failed first.”
“You Won’t Succeed Until You are Willing to Fail.”

By the way, great techniques. You have to learn to live in the moment, present moment, whatever you were doing, just stay there! If you can do it, you will notice less anxiety immediatly. It happened to me, now… it’s been long since I don’t do this, and I think I need it right away haha. It’s difficult to stay in the real present for a long time, it’s practice, but also it would be insane if you are stuck in the moment forever.

Marie (2,051) (@ARCANUS) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

I do get that occasionally. What I’ve found helpful as of late is to let it run through me, just accept it and don’t try to hide it. It helps being honest about things, it sets you free. And what we suppress, we enhance.

Max Nachamkin (170)C (@feren6) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@martinv, I mean that when you’re learning something, there’s always the awkward stage of not being able to do it correctly. Most people see this as failure, when in fact it’s just the first part to success.

Shu (32) (@shupac) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@feren6, There was a time in my life when I could go up to any girl, anytime, anywhere. It didn’t matter. Then I went through some shit. One day I came back from some traveling where I spent a lot of time alone and I had major anxiety. I remember seeing a cute girl sitting by herself eating lunch. I dug her style. I wanted to go talk to her but I couldn’t. I spent 5 minutes trying to get my body to do it but I couldn’t. When I would try my heart would start racing, my face would get flush, and I would start hyperventilating. I had NEVER felt like that before. It was quite comical actually, even as it was happening. So I had to go back to basics, start small. Started creating daily habits for myself like tell a joke to a stranger, give a compliment, etc. In no time, I got my groove back :)

Anonymous (177) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@feren6, ha! i’ve been a member of the anxiety fraternity. the ultimate solution, perhaps, is a shift in perception leading towards self-realization. how much anxiety is a result of what one has been taught, and how much a result of our natural, innate, as-born selves?

Max Nachamkin (170)C (@feren6) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@rickyferdon, It’s not something that we can shift our perception towards plainly by thinking — we have to act upon it and continually push past it to truly shift our perception.

Just like @shupac said, small habits like telling a joke to a stranger or giving a compliment are perfect ways to get your groove back.

Anonymous (177) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@feren6, thank-you, Max. through the mind comes understanding: the early morning sky of dawn gives way to realization, which is beyond and outside of “thinking”. pushing towards something, and seemingly acting upon understanding as it develops, will yield only that. that true place is our primordial nature where thinking and “words” neither exist nor can contribute anything to it.

molly (0) (@retrospex) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

I’ve had problems with anxiety for the past few years and lately I’ve finally been able to control it. I understand that some anxiety is normal, but mine would be off the charts. it actually got to the point to where I would stay inside and not be social at all for fear of judgement by others.
I read a quote by someone (I wish I could remember who!) that said “worrying is just you using your imagination for things you don’t want”. and reading that was like an epiphany. it made me realize that I have been wasting my time and my imagination for the things that scare me. who wants to live their life that way? I started noticing when I would get unneccesary anxious thoughts and I would tell myself to stop. or I would turn any negative thoughts I had around into a more positive way. for me, it was just about changing my pattern of thinking and having it become a habit.

S (102) (@tictacfanman) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

What I find best for beating anxiety is exposure therapy. Taking baby steps, building exposure, and progressively challenging yourself more and more.

I remember about two years ago, I could not look anybody in the eye, or say hi to any stranger without my heart pounding hard. I felt like dying. Finally I got sick of this, so I started with this: every time I would purchase something at a store or gas station, I would force myself to say “Have a good day.” I know, basic shit, but that was a legitimate challenge for me. After doing this for a while, I realized that, ‘hey, this is normal, it is nothing to be afraid of.” Coupling action with new thoughts helped a lot.

Soon, when have a good day became easy, I would start asking the clerks “are you a musician? Do you play an instrument?” Totally random, totally did not make sense, but it was hilarious. I usually would tell them to learn bass just for me… haha it is a good thing they found this funny rather than creepy (although that doesn’t really matter).

I used to think I had no hope with girls. But due to taking action frequently, I have started relaxing more around girls, like a healthy human being. I got a girls number recently, with very low anxiety. This is something that would have paralyzed me just last year. I also took a snapshat today with a cute orthodontist.
Now yeah, I know the players on here may be like, “brah, I get laid, what is this shit?” but hey, this is just the starting point for me, and I admit I have a lot to learn. But to go from struggling to say hi, to getting a number and conversing with ease, was great progress.

To those out there with anxiety, I recommend exposure therapy (in some form). Take small steps, everything counts, it all adds up.

Also, some may be discouraged with how long it took me to reach this point. Please realize that this is because although I took frequent action, there were some periods of inconsistency, goal changes, etc. The more you do something, the quicker you learn. The more intense, the faster the results and progress. In the next year, I am going to make A LOT more progress with this stuff because it will be my #1 priority and goal.

I have WAY more to learn and do, but I am moving.

Are you?

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