Eating disorder, trying to change perspective.

estee (@reenie123) 8 years, 9 months ago

Im going about this in a different way. yea im in a group etc etc for my disorder. but i want to hear from like minded people like myself about that he or she has gone through while batteling their own disorder.

battling with
bulemia with anorexic tendencies because of adderall

February 24, 2013 at 7:40 pm
Des (31) (@descarron) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

I used to battle with anorexia with bulemic tendencies.

I also battled depression for years (and I still go to counseling and have to work on it).

The thing that set my mind on track to recovery was actually so so simple. I asked myself, “What will I want to read in a biography someone wrote about me?” That I was thin, but that I pushed away everyone that loved me, lost all my friends, interests, goals? That I was skinny, but that I was depressed, angry, apathetic all the time? That I had a beautiful life given to me, but that I threw it all away to listen to this monster in my head that I knew was lying? That I was offered so many ways out by friends and family, but that I refused to be saved or to save myself?

And that day I made myself an appointment with a counselor. I still have to work hard to stay positive, but the way I do that is surround myself with like-minded individuals that don’t try to feed me run-of-the-mill garbage about EDs, like this community. I know that the part of me telling me that I’m not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough is the most base part of my base self, and I–like you and everyone else here–am aspiring to (you guessed it) a higher existence. And I focus all my energy into that aspiration. I embrace the struggle and channel that into art, music, exercise, conversation, laughter, learning new, challenging things, doing what I would have never done before.

It is a part of me and every part of me is essential to the awesome person I am, so I won’t try to forget it and stomp it out–just keep it from affecting my mind/body/soul in a bad way, if you know what I mean.

I wish you so much success, and I’m so glad you’re here. :) I hope I shed some light!

Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@reenie123, I haven’t dealt with an eating disorder but I have dealt with extremely dark depression and pressuring myself mercilessly to be “beautiful”. There are some blogs that really helped me when I was in my most dangerous places.

However, most of my issues have been based around self-loathing and it is my understanding that a large amount of people with eating disorders are not suffering from a desire to look a certain way, but a desire to control something because they can’t control anything else about themselves or environment. So I don’t know if these types of affirming websites would help your particular case.

But I know you will sort yourself out and recover. Trust the stability of your inner voice : )

kalifornia (10) (@kaliholiday) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@reenie123, Well, although i have no first hand tendencies with this, my girlfriend was bulimic for over a year. She would throw up just about every meal she ate. Eventually she got sent to treatment, but she still struggles.

eating disorders are harder to treat that any other addiction, and i classify it as a addiction because it gives your mind the same “connection” that it always wants to repeat. Once you’ve gotten into the habit, it’s very hard to escape.

My girl would throw up behind my back, she literally never ate without following up with a trip to the bathroom. When she didn’t throw up, she said she felt “sick”. I was very supportive, maybe too supportive. I told her she was fine, i told her she should stop, but i never took action. As i said, she was sent to treatment where they forced her to stop. She’s been 6 months without purging, but she still gets urges.

It’s a hard disorder to combat. Unlike alcoholism, you can always throw up. Always. That’s the hardest part. I suggest you find help. Unfortunately, this is not something you can effectively treat on your own.

As for myself- i’m strange in that i refuse to eat anything without nutritional value to me. It really is a problem. I don’t have issues with body image, but i do have anxieties about dieing from all the shit they put into our foods. I end up eating very little throughout the day, always checking food labels, and its just rough. But it’s not really a disorder.

Now, i know “getting help” is not always an option. I suggest you try and look into vegetarianism. By eating a diet consisting of very health foods, you eliminate subconsciousness tendencies that you are unhealthy, gaining weight, and it even keeps you from feeling full. I swear this will help. Look into it.

Good luck:)

Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

I used to have trouble with not eating. Pretty much all four years in high school, off and on. I was obsessed with what I weighed. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was anorexic but I was almost there. At the time I was struggling with depression and insomnia as well, it was like an endless sad cycle I couldn’t get out of. I just cared too much what other people thought. I remember being a silly teenager and putting on all my outfits and looking at myself in the mirror, sucking my stomach in, wishing I was smaller. It was all so dumb, and at such a crucial growing part of my life. I was keeping my body from growing in the ways it needed to. Both of my sisters are tall and very thin and I thought I was the “fat” one. (I am not, just curvier than them.) I guess I stopped when I stopped caring what others thought about me. I am an introvert, and I remember feeling like that was wrong. So I would try to always be with friends because it was expected of me. I was basically trying to be someone I’m not. I have come to terms with who I am. I have a big butt and hips. So what. No matter how little I eat that will always be my anatomy. I’m introverted. So what. Any quality about you that you see as “bad” is just what makes you different. Weight and personality are not negative qualities. Should you throw in the towel and start shoveling down cookies? Hell no. That just shows a different kind of problem. With eating too little you are trying to change yourself, eating too much you’re trying to fill a hole. Both show signs of dis-ease, as in ill health. It starts as mental and sometimes spiritual and shows itself in your physical habits. The way western doctors treat things like this is “here’s a pill for your depression” or they force you to eat. Without going to the root of the problem. If you really want to get better you have to get to the root of the problem. That’s it. Focus on being healthy, mentally, spiritually and physically and you will balance out. Your body will take its natural shape, and just as an important part of health is being okay with whatever that shape is.

I don’t know if this is the kind of advice you are looking for. I cannot attest to needing Adderall but I don’t think it’s good for you. My little sister was on Riddalin between the ages of 6 and 11 and during that time she did not gain any weight. Not a single pound. You are supposed to be doubling, tripling in size during that time! Her BMI was literally an 11. She got off Riddalin for a summer and she started gaining all that healthy weight she should have been gaining her whole childhood. That cannot be good for you. She was not anorexic, I think she just had either an aversion to food because of the medicine or for some reason the medicine kept her from gaining weight. I’m not sure. Seriously the only advice I can give you is to stop taking Adderall. It’s probably bad for you. I know there are a lot of negative effects from not taking it, but I sincerely believe that meditation and mental exercises can help with concentration. Do not take my word for it because I really don’t have the grounds to be making a judgment like that since I don’t have ADD or ADHD but I think that mental or physical ailments are a sign of something deeper going wrong and covering them up with a pill doesn’t help, and it often has adverse affects.

Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

Oh also, I hope I didn’t sound critical. Just trying to be honest. I wish you all the best. I hurt for you that you are going through this, because I can sympathize that it sucks. Best of luck to you!

Dragon Owl (255) (@dragonowl) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

I have overcome a couple of eating disorders without professional treatment. Before I continue, I would like everyone to consider the fact that most people need help from trained individuals. I’m simply an exception to the rule.

After being starved as a child, I developed a binge eating disorder. At first I wasn’t aware of what was happening because I was doing this while sleep walking. Over time I began to gain weight, and it got to the point that exercise wasn’t keeping it off. That is when I turned to anorexia. At night I would eat a ton, and during the day I would skip meals and sometimes go days without eating anything at all.

There were a couple of points over a decade stretch during which I wasn’t anorexic, but I was severely limiting my calories, and I wasn’t paying attention to the quality of the food I was eating. All that mattered then was the calorie count. One day, for instance, my caloric intake consisted of a Coke and a Snickers. This was not a healthy lifestyle! I lost some baby weight, but my health was steadily declining.

At the age of 23, I was prediabetic. My binge eating had gotten out of control to the point that I was doing it consciously during waking hours almost every day. It was incredibly destructive, and that is how I wanted it. Subconsciously I was in sabotage mode.

Most of what led to these eating disorders, I discovered, had to do with a lot of painful issues I hadn’t ever resolved from my past. The starvation was only the beginning. Over time I even began to think of my extra weight as a shield from the pain of the world.

After a lot of soul searching I began to really work through the issues that led to these eating disorders. Some friends and family members were great sources of support, but the main portion of the work I did on myself began with meditation and exercise. I began to gain some control over the binge eating, and I no longer felt the need to severely limit calories or to skip meals.

Last October I suddenly began to have serious health problems. I knew that two decades of poor nutrition had finally caught up with me, so I began a path of wellness. First I gave up gluten, then meat, then dairy. I began to eat a mostly raw diet consisting of fresh, locally-grown produce. After reading the Gerson Therapy and watching a couple of documentaries on the method, I bought a juicer and began to juice every day.

What helped me more than anything was learning to love and accept myself as I am. Once I was able to do that, and to always correct that negative voice in my head, I started healing. Loving yourself has to be the first step!

stonedragon (143) (@stonedragon21) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

as the mother of a daughter who suffered from anorexia for a few years i can sympathize with not only all the people who are suffering but also their family members who often have to stand by and watch helplessly, as the person they love is destroying their health.
as this is a thing which deals with control and self power it is impossible to do much to help.
i think of all the terrible traumas i have suffered in this life that the years my daughter was suffering with this were the most horrible
in the end she didn’t get professional help but pulled out of it herself with help from her girlfriends. i just had to let her go and she managed.
so there is hope for everyone with or with out professional help.
you just have to forget all the bullshit of what everyone thinks about you and indeed do what is best for your own body.
eat and enjoy the fruits of the earth and all that has been given to us!!
allow yourself to love and live in complete tenderness for yourself and others

my prayers to all of you who are suffering this and to your families that you may all regain your strength!

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