An essay I wrote, Hope you enjoy my lovelies:
“Changed my mind so much I can’t even trust it.
My mind changed me so much I can’t even trust myself. “- Modest Mouse
Have you ever thought of an idea until it manifested the essence of who you are? Humans go through horrendous experiences that mold who they are. Each of us struggles in life to learn what it means to live, and I’d like to share with you some of my lessons in the past years.
My Father and Mother were two beautiful people flourishing in a beautiful relationship, but as many families stories go, They were simply two human being that were simply incompatible. My mother tried to stay close as much as possible, but soon moved to California because a lack of financial stability. My father stayed with me in Georgia where his business was blossoming. From the time my Mom left to California to until I was 12, I didn’t see her and maintained little contact. After 7 years of lacking a mother figure, I finally reunited with her in California. I was tremendously happy to have her back in my life but the emotional jabs still needed icing. Trying to play a double parent, My Father lacked the attention and emotional support a mother can provide. My Father was and is a hard worker; I’ve always honored him for that. Although this was ideal for providing dinner every night, it left me emotionally hungry. I was young and lonely, as I can recall. Dad was busy providing while Mom was 2,000 miles too far. I remember days of sitting alone in this big, fancy house just wishing it was smaller so at least the walls could be close to me; No one else seemed any closer. Dad always wanted to care, to show he loved me, to embrace me as a child should be embraced but there was always a priority at hand. I don’t blame him, even until now, because he was just as cold and hardworking as society dictated a man should be. So if society wanted the Man to be cold, where were the warm arms of my Mother to balance out my emotions? Too far to reach, as I recall. I grew into the emotional outfit I was given. I learned that loneliness was a part of me. I always recognized an inevitable void inside me reminding me I was hungry for attention. But you know, I had it all wrong. I was given this Idea of loneliness and I made it apart of the essence of myself. My mind conjugated my identity, I had no part. I was so convinced I needed a mother to provide me emotional stability, that I actually denied finding sanction in my own heart. I told myself I needed someone to validate my insecurities. An idea manifested into the essence of who I was. The same way I put myself into a hole, is the same way I climbed out of it. Just think about something new, and I did. I told myself home is where my heart is; all that attention I wanted was just a result of me depreciating myself. A new idea was planted, and a new person was created. The mind is the best servant but the worst master. Your heart speaks; the mind listens. So speak beauty from the heart, not the mind. I didn’t find my emotions necessary to handle. I suppose I was waiting for mommy or daddy to handle it.
The emotional necessities humans require is the most important aspect of living. I base this upon watching people live on a daily basis and observing how their eternal happiness affects their perception of reality. Emotions can determine every drive you have, every reason for waking up and getting out that bed, and every reason for doing what you do. When you are emotionally crippled, nothing seems to be more real then the flame burning inside. There are times when someone can be physically here, but mentally lost. Depression takes the life out of living, the meaning behind doing, and the purpose in trying. It’s a disease, a cancer. The worst part about it is that not only you are affected by emotional fatigue. Since the well-being of humanity is reflected in the transfer of energy, the give-and-take cycle, you emulate the energies around you. When someone is feeding off negativity, you can’t help but feel the pain radiating from them. And if this is true, this makes being emotionally distraught worse then a disease. With a disease, it can transfer by physical contact. With emotions, it can journey through a look into someone’s eyes. Essentially, I want you to understand the importance of your emotional well-being. If you’re not happy, the world is not happy. You are the world you want to see. Do you think if you walked into a school full of crying people, your spirits are going to high and you’ll be eccentric? No. But if you walked into a school full of smiles and people jumping off walls, you’d smile yourself. The transfer of energy is important, but we don’t realize it because it’s a subconscious act. 80% percent of communication is non-verbal, so whether you express your discontent, people can feel it. Happiness is Eternal Tranquility. It’s knowing that you are centered, you have a purpose, and you contribute to the vast cycle of life. You are beautiful person, with beautiful potential. As Theodore Roosevelt said, No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Detach yourself from this materialistic world and its false values. Only true value is happiness, because this can’t be bought or bartered. Its genuine, it’s true, and it’s beautiful. Let your heart be your home. Be happy, so I can be happy, so your mom can be happy, So your friends can be happy, So we can walk out our door and see smiles. Life is a mirror; it reflects back whatever is standing in front of it.