Enlightenment made me depressed.

        It all started when i picked up a book called “Nothing in this book is true, but it’s exactly how things are” 
Then i became completely over whelmed with the information that was on that book, the flower of life knowledge is what really through me  out of my illusions. I picked up a meditation called rebirthing and my life changed completely. 
My soul or ego was just out of this world, i felt fearless and powerful, It was such an amazing natural high. I have never felt like that in my entire life (to this day i am searching for that same feeling)        
        The LSD and DMT came along with it. My psychedelic trips became more intense and less fun; It wasn’t about rainbow colors and hapiness anymore. The knowledge i gained by doing the drugs became boring and went around in circles.
Everything was so serious, tense and gloomy to the point that i would just start to cry and i began to worry about how bad our society is. I don’t know why i even care but i just do. I had a good home with air condition, food in my belly , a job…
none of that shit was enough for me, I became so fucking depressed.

    I got obsessed with the occult. I’m not even conscious anymore, i live in my head now more than ever. I disassociated from people, i hate talking to people, their conversations are pointless and so stupid. 

    I feel like i have become possessed by a darkness. I am now an alcoholic who can’t save money for shit.  I am homeless and live from house to house because my parents have become tired of the pain of seeing me throw my life away.

     I have lost all faith in spirituality, i used to love having deep conversations about the cosmos and spiritual theories, now i shun all that shit down, it’s all so god damn pointless.

      People are seeking enlightenment, but there’s just nothing there. There never was. 

I am writing this because i am frustrated with myself, and have become suicidal, i do not plan to end my life because i most probably deserve the pain i am going through and so like a bad acid trip, I am gonna ride this bitch out to the end like a god damn champ.

 But to those of you on the search for something.
I really hope you find it. 

September 14, 2016 at 11:26 am
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