Ethical question regarding parents.

The_Operator (@the1operator) 8 years, 10 months ago

Hello HEthens! I am a long time lurker, first time poster. This site has helped me find a love of meditation, been a source for creativity, and propelled my mind intellectually countless times. I’m grateful for all of your insights and unique opinions, and now I have a question that I’d love to see your responses to.

In April 2012 I finally moved out of my parents place and into my own apartment, not too far away. I have a job around here and my friends are around here and my bands play here too, so I couldn’t up and leave to the opposite coast (unless I wanted to abandon all that). The important part to the story is I left my parents place. Since then, our relationship has gotten much better. We understand each other more, are able to communicate without as much tension, and when we see each other it actually feels good!

Last friday I started to feel sick. It consisted of a pain in my throat, some minor phlegm (out of nose and mouth, mostly saliva mixed with that yellow and green mucus on most occasions), drippy nose, a little bit of hoarse voice, and a headache. I took it upon myself to drink a buttload of water and Throat Coat tea with honey and lemon, and it started to feel a bit better, but I still made an appointment with an Ear Nose Throat doctor in my town just in case. When I saw him, he told me I have a bacterial infection in the back of my throat, which sometimes drips down (why I cough up the mucus sometimes) and contributes to to the hoarseness. He gave me a pretty reasonable response to why I feel this way, and a prescription for an antiobiotic called Augmentin.

So I filled the prescription and read the monograph associated with the drug I was supposed to down twice daily with meals. And I realized I didn’t want to take it. The list of side effects is dizzying just to read, and mentions that I shouldn’t drive unless I know how it affects me (my job, however, is delivering pizzas.) So I didn’t start the run of antiobiotics… yet.

My parents knew I was feeling sick, went to the doctor, and got the prescription. I told them I was going to start taking it today, so they checked in about an hour ago and asked how I was feeling. I told them “a bit better (but I don’t think it’s because of the medicine)”. Technically I didn’t lie, as I do feel better, and it’s obviously not because of the medicine.

Ethically, is it okay to lie to your parents if it saves them some grief? Am I right to tell them I’m taking the antibiotics while, in reality, treating it the way I really would like to (by drinking water and tea and eating less abrasive foods)? Do you think I should suck it up and take the drugs? Have you ever told your parents a comforting lie? How did it make you feel? Did the truth ever come to light?

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to hearing your opinions and insights :)

EDITED for grammar and wording

February 8, 2013 at 8:23 pm
Anonymous (0) (@) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

@the1operator,
I would not lie to my parents on this topic. Try to abstain from allopathic methods (drugs). You have enough faith to not take them. If you have a balanced diet, continue with tea and water but also try to fast. Just a suggestion. Hope you get better.

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Openspace (0) (@acampos4) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

@the1operator

I believe you should be honest with your parents, but also if you feel really sick and you get worse I would just take the medication. This is your health, and it will make you feel better despite the side effects. Also, in my experience I’ve had to take multiple antibiotics for a stomach infection and I felt nauseous the first days, but as long as you eat and drink a lot of liquids I think you will be fine.

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The_Operator (0) (@the1operator) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

@brandonjgroves, what is the benefit of fasting? and why wouldn’t you lie to your parents?

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Watercolour (13) (@watercolourgem) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

I try not to take drugs unless I have a terrible infection that I might not be able to escape save by taking an antibiotic. If the chest is really phlegmy and the coughing very constant, you might try a steam shower to help loosen it up. Also, try slicing up some lemon rind, fresh ginger and garlic… boil it all for a little while, then place in a cup with some honey and chug it down nice and hot just as you are about to get to bed.
I make an awesome home made chicken soup that usually does wonders when we are ill around here. Might pass on the recipe. It’s a little time consuming but hey, it works! :P

As for fibbing to your parents about what’s happening? Well, why not be honest with them but assure them that you are doing your best to better yourself and they have nothing to worry about but should you feel something is terribly wrong, you will give them a call right away and let them know. This way, they may feel that you are taking your life seriously and respectfully looking after yourself as any mature adult does and that’s that. I think they will feel a lot more comfort in that then find out sometime later that you lied about your health. They may wonder at some point what else are you capable of fibbing about? ;o)

Be well, my dear.

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The_Operator (0) (@the1operator) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

@watercolourgem, luckily the phlegm isn’t coming from the chest, which is something the doctor and I established – it’s only from the throat. I will definitely try that ginger garlic and lemon tomorrow night!

I’m hesitant to tell them the truth because my mom is a nurse, and my dad is a bit of a hypochondriac. And they know nothing of eating healthy or the benefits of proper nutrition, save for when my mom decides to go vegan for a week for kicks.
On top of that, we’ve always had a lot of miscommunication issues. They don’t understand my ideas when it comes to music or philosophy or nutrition, they don’t get it and they won’t pretend to, so when I come to them with problems they tend to look at it a completely different way than I do. I want for them to know that I am an adult and do take my health and decisions seriously, but they don’t seem to get it… Any more advice on maybe getting them on my side? If I decide to come clean I will tell them I am doing my best, but it just isn’t enough for them if I’m not doing it their way (isn’t that the most cliche thing parents can do?) haha thanks for the kind words :)

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Watercolour (13) (@watercolourgem) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

@the1operator, I think that most parents mean well enough. Change is often hard to handle, especially when the kids are old enough to move out and start a life of their own. Some parents nag about this and that and seem like they are giving a hard time or that they don’t understand but have you ever thought that perhaps they are somewhat afraid to admit that you are doing great without them, no longer needing them as you are now an adult, moving on in your life, doing your thing, etc. It’s not always easy for parents to let go so sometimes it seems like they are giving a hard time or just seem like they are just not understanding you.

You know them better than anyone else so I am sure you will always try to do what is best when it comes to your family and your relationship with them. :o)

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The_Operator (0) (@the1operator) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

@watercolourgem, It’s funny, but I think that my parents are actually happier now that I’m out of the house and doing well… When I was with them I went through the lowest points in my life, and put them through a LOT of pain – so I think they’re kind of happy to get rid of me :)

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Anonymous (0) (@) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

@the1operator,
From a holistic or vital perspective fasting allows you(whether consciously or unconsciously) to focus more on healing instead of digestion of foods, which nevertheless introduce more impurities. Also get more sleep. It is almost 12am where I am so i headed to bed after this. I would not lie to parents because they would need to learn to face the reality of life and learn not to worry the hard way. You could possibly provide the germ or inkling of their acceptance of differing cure methods. Consider this: every argument of ideals at least makes a person consider and asses the opposing ideal. this in time gradually opens their eyes

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 10 months ago ago

I lie to my mom all the time but thats because shes a very paranoid woman with tremendous anxiety. Everything is worst case scenario for her. I dont want to add to her list of worries so I lie about little things (like taking medicine faithfully) Dont focus on your actions but your true intentions.

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