Everyone Seems To Be "In a Relationship" These Days
Currently I’m a collegiate. Everywhere I look – people are in relationships. On all of the social websites, apps, etc; People are either getting into a relationship, getting married or having kids. Keep in mind that this is my age group of High-School to Mid 20’s.
Has society conditioned us to the point that we need to be in relationships? I swear there are some people that honestly can’t stay out of a relationship. Are people becoming less independent and more dependent? Obviously relationships offer security and comfort but I’m beginning to suspect something more insidious at play.
Please offer comments/thoughts/opinions.
All hell dude, you’re still in college. People are in relationships, yet screw around all the time.
Besides, it’s just the way people are. Most like to have a counterpart.
I knew some girls in college that would have a boyfriend, but when they could get away with it (without even considering their boyfriends health) go out and have sex with multiple dudes at one time. People are funny. Don’t take it too seriously.
Relationships have existed since the beginning of time and in fact, I believe that in our modern society we have gained more independence in our relationships. Whereas previously women were not allowed to do much, it had started to change and everything is becoming more equal. I think that the reason people want relationships is so that they’re not alone, because no one wants to be alone. You want to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with and so you continue to look for that special someone. Someone you can connect with emotionally and physically. But don’t confuse that with getting in the way of a person’s independence because that is determined by the state of the relationship, not the status. I understand what you mean about people not staying out of relationships, however that’s a different story. And you’re right, those people do lack independence because they never want to be alone. I think it’s important to have time to yourself and try to find yourself after a relationship ends, not just jump into another one. Although, I do have to say that I feel like relationships have become more of a joke in this society and to the people in it. No one takes it seriously anymore, no one stays faithful anymore, no one gives a legitimate reason of why they don’t want to be with you. The system of this whole relationship thing completely sucks. 2nd graders are now dating and thinking it is serious but do they even know what love is? And people in high school are getting pregnant without even a care for their futures (which brings up the whole independence question again). I don’t know if my answer actually went anywhere but those are just my thoughts and opinions.
@aestheticbrah, I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I mean, it’s one thing to want a relationship and not be in one, or to be in one while not wanting to be in one. But as long as you are taking action that mirrors what you want, it’s fine. If you want a relationship go for it, if not, don’t, and that’s ok. Nothing insidious going on, maybe people are just jumping the gun and not soulsearching enough, just settling for whoever is available just for the sake of getting some action. It’s not what I would want for myself, but I can’t decide for everybody. Gotta live and let live.
@aestheticbrah, It is totally conditioning. All your life your told to be happy you’ve got to go to school, than college, than get a job, than get married and have a family. I too have friends getting married right out of college, but to tell you the truth i can see the marriage will not last more than 5 years. People are in such a rush, here in the good ol’ us and a, to reach the american dream and they arent thinking it through and really putting the work and time into it.
Hey I’m a college student too! Recently someone told me I would be happiest if I fell in love with the right person and shared stuff with them. I panicked and wondered if this friend was right. At first I thought yes, but then I realized it wasn’t what I was looking for. I’m looking for something, but not that. One thing I know is that I don’t want to join the cycle of people who get married, settle down, and have kids. Not yet anyhow. It pressures me too when I see everyone around me having a boyfriend/girlfriend, but I think you should just do what feels right. Listen to your gut instinct.
I am a college student as well, and have been struggling with this recently. I can feel the increasing pressure to find someone to “fall in love with.” Yet when I look around at my peers who are in so-called relationships, I see nothing close to love. I often see messy, forced interactions between two unstable people. These interactions consist of little substance – mostly just frequent fights over nothing and follow-up overdramatic make up sessions. Maybe I’m being pessimistic and maybe I’m not seeing the whole picture, but this doesn’t seem to me what real relationships should be about. I’ll admit that I’m currently not looking for a relationship. I have my own problems that I need to work out, and only once I completely understand myself and love myself can I begin to love others. That’s what I think a relationship should be about. Two people who love themselves completely, and are willing to share that love with each other. Two people who are willing to be completely honest about their thoughts; who are willing to identify their flaws and work on improving them, together. Two people who can compete intellectually, and who are not afraid to dive into the black abyss of each others’ minds.
But that’s just my opinion on the subject.
@chekovchameleon, Yes my friend – I have long contemplated a relationship. However circumstances always turned out that the girl would either be going out of state for college; I just never felt ready or she didn’t feel ready.
In all honesty the main reason I’m not in a relationship is because I realize that relationships end in either of three ways. Forgive me as this may be a very narrow-minded viewpoint but based on observances:
Situation 1) (Eventual) Marriage
Situation 2) Child/Children
Situation 3) Break-Up
As of right now; I know that I cannot support the time/money commitment of a girlfriend. As a collegiate I’m still working to better myself and obtain my potential as I”m beginning to become more goal oriented and focused. I DEFINITELY cannot support a child at this point in my life.
@aestheticbrah, David Riesman in his “The Lonely Crowd” (a MUST-read) says that nowadays we are so obsessed about relationships and ‘love life’ because we became so numb about everything else. That’s the only thing that everyone knows is necessary (probably the same thing with the cookery mania) and it’s a kind of last hope before we reach a complete apathy. Btw. this book would definitely be interesting for you in whole, not only the relationship theory.
@forestmcmillin, You’re awesome. I agree to every inch. Nothing more true than your last four sentences.
Ever since I moved to a different country and started an academy in here (half a year ago) I’m surrounded by this haze of dating, nearly everyone has someone but not because they’ve found someone they love, but because it’s convenient. Actually ‘convenient’ is precisely the basis of this whole society and works to the extreme in the relationship topic. It of course has a good side because families seem to be much more stable, they basically seem to ‘work’ in a way I’ve never seen before. Parent-children contact is usually a partnership incredibly inspiring to watch since I’m used to something totally opposite. The only problem with it all is – there is no feeling involved whatsoever. One can’t call it a desperate need for convenience, because in this world desperation does not exist. Feelings don’t really exist apart from mediocre sadness and mellow happiness. It was really horrifying in the beginning to be just my own me and feel like a crazy person.
But coming back to the topic. Nothing can be called a true relationship that is not love between two conscious human beings. I would argue that there is a state when you ‘completely understand’ yourself; in my opinion the basis would be awareness of NOT understanding oneself completely and willingness to explore. But that you wrote already.
Maybe being a girl makes things a bit different, but I have this long periods when I can be really self-sufficient, live my own life, be an observer, but then I end up on the other end of the spectrum. So I can’t honestly say I’m not looking for a relationship, but in any case I won’t do less than a true one.
Listen to some of the lyrics in the pop music of today and yesterday. People are pathetically attached to each other. Defining themselves by another – if I can define myself by you and manipulate you into believing I am something I am not then I must be the genuine article EEHEHEHE
@danfontaine, Word. They just keep getting more and more disgusting.
I was also wondering the same thing for a long time. If you’re used to being single, you’ll find it comfortable being single and if you’re used to being in a relationship, if it happens that you break up, you’d feel the consequences of the change you’ll be running again to what you’re used to. :) For some people single means lonely and being in a relationship means happy. Others are simply in love!
@beyond, Yeah I got out of a really lame ass long-term relationship around a year ago and went through a dramatic change in perspective. I don’t think she did though, lol. I felt demasculinated for the longest time – then I came into clarity – I have come to respect myself and love everyone. I’ll trash the shit out of someone’s ego though still ha. It’s actually pretty fucking hilarious – I have absolutely no respect for your insecurities and the way you try to solidify yourself. I try to take it easy on the hostility – for some people it is absolutely necessary though as they take love for granted, it doesn’t even exist to them.
I show them pure fucking volatility in its natural state.
@beyond, Yeah dude, some say life’s a game – to more, life is war.. Basically everybody I know is completely too comfortable with who they are. They don’t put their self through the suffering that I do. I’m the first glimpse of this suffering for a lot of people and they rationalize that I am insane – cute little defense mechanism.
@danfontaine, Pretty badass. I do that too and then they hate my guts. Some might say that this is because of lack of love and that you’ll need to be in a relationship. But relationships caused me a lot of pain too, therefore people don’t know what they’re talking about.