feeling inadequate.

Mayad (@koochkooch) 9 years, 10 months ago

I struggle so much with feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. I can’t help it. Its engrained into my soul. I always compare myself to others. Perhaps I am too much of a perfectionist. I’m ceaselessly worried about being less intelligent, skilled or knowledgeable than another person about everything I do.

Its something that is very difficult for me to admit. But here I am, openly sharing my weaknesses.

This is another (probably irrational) belief of mine that causes me problems. It stems from my feelings of inadequacy. I’m afraid of being unable to successfully communicate my thoughts in a seemingly intellectual way to another person. And I’m also afraid of not being able to comprehend what another person is saying to me. This consumes my mind and leaves me so mentally overwhelmed and exhausted, that I hardly speak in conversations anymore because I have nothing truly meaningful to say due to my mind being overloaded with negative, self-limiting thoughts.

Its like a plague of negativity.

Sometimes I also get this sense of purposelessness. My family is devoutly religious, but I left my faith after understanding the world from a scientific perspective and thus valuing evidence and reason over blind faith. I feel alone sometimes because I’m unable to share my thoughts with a like-minded person who truly understands me.

I wish someone would just read this, tell me I’m not crazy and give me some practical advice on how to handle any of these problems.

I guess I just want to know that someone out there cares and understands.

March 17, 2012 at 11:30 am
Mayad (1) (@koochkooch) 9 years, 10 months ago ago

Thanks Phil.

Sometimes I listen to this song and it reminds me that people are simply a necessity in life.

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Martijn Schirp (112,780)A (@martijn) 9 years, 10 months ago ago

Welcome to HE :)

You’re not crazy, this feeling is in some shape or form in all of us, and it probably comes from the christian paradigm that if life is not as we want it to be, it’s our own ‘original sin’. This is still very relevant in culture today.

I wrote a blog post on this important area here, and it touches on some of your thoughts: https://www.highexistence.com/the-dark-side-of-self-improvement/

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 9 years, 10 months ago ago

@Mayad, being crazy is just a stupid label for confused/mad, outrageous/delusional, self-centered NORMAL HUMAN BEING.
You’re more on the pessimistic part, but feeling good about yourself takes practice and involves getting creative in the real meaning of the word. If you don’t know where to start to be creative, just start writing your thoughts. It takes practice. Woah, you already did it. Simple, right?
“Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.”
Mark Twain
:)

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Fyrirrek (17) (@fyrirrek) 9 years, 10 months ago ago

Hi man, it’s okay. I think everyone has this ingrained in us or and we have our ups and downs. We’re invincible, then we’re not. We spend excess energy wondering about how we appear to others by what we say and don’t realize how our thoughts can drain us. It’s easy sometimes we can laugh that we feel alone but look here. I don’t know the above two people (hello by the way Martin and Phil) but I realized you know everyday I surf the internet without really giving back or sharing something worth while. I lurked here a bit and took the advice of the 50 things you can do to improve your life. Then I build on that.

It’s hard to go against your family views especially at first. But it’s your vision your bubble sometimes that doesn’t make you see the big picture. Like anything our negative view of ourselves if reflected on daily becomes a habit. Like an auto pilot. So you need to do things to change it up. We need our support systems, but yes we have to be strong. We have to be “A man” as some say but that’s not enough to stop negativity from returning. So we have to change how we think and get to the founding reasons why we became that way and trace back.

I did this too and just stated to my parents that I believe in energy. And we can all believe that. We can even see it? But on top of that I got into a mode to serve, and spend time with them to show. I haven’t changed just because I have denounced…your idea of faith. It’s just a different belief system. The hardest part is the feeling alienated part.

It might sound dumb but what I do sometimes to shake it up is jump up in the air and turn clockwise. Or do it anti clockwise or both one after the other. Do or try to do a handstand. You will literally gain a new perspective. Now it’s no fun being down there is it?

If we even simply write a list of things we love to do or are thankful for. You’ll start to see a shift in positivity. You’ve taken the first step to re-realize, that you need to do something about fulfilling your happiness. Finding your bliss and learning how to create your positive energy by reconnecting your synapses to embrace new formations.

Something that helped me a great deal personally is a book called “Mindset” by Carol Dweck I didn’t expect much as I’ve read a lot of topics like this but this seriously unlocked some topics that helped me reframe myself in times the old habits “negative thoughts” surfaced.

And if all else fails. I’m sure you’ll find something here that will put you back on the upswing:) It’s like you have to build those positive muscles again it’s harder to push and easier to go with gravity.

I’m reading that blog now. Awesome stuff Martijn

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Jason (111) (@thinknowlivenow) 9 years, 10 months ago ago

@Mayad; as someone who’s personally dealt with the extreme polarities of emotion, I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been there; hopeless and drunk on negativity; everything becomes a rationalization of your “weakness”, and you start going into a downward spiral of self-reinforced emotional turmoil.

The proof of your internal strength is evident by the fact that you recognize these thoughts and emotions as irrational; this is the key out of the maze of emotional illusion. Once you realize your perspective, thoughts and emotions are 100% arbitrary to your will and intent, you start questioning why you would ever let yourself feel so negative in the first place. This is the process of transcending the lower level ego emotions (social “norms” and acceptances/denials, insecurity issues pertaining to intellectual capacity relative to others, etc). I have been in that same position far too many times to fall into the quick sand again! : )

Einstein famously said that we can’t solve a problem on the same level on which it was created, and he was 100% correct in this assertion. The only way to TRULY start getting out of the quicksand of negative emotions is to actively and CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE to hold more positive thoughts and emotions, even when your external reality may not directly support or mirror your intentions yet. This is the only real challenge; “hanging on” while the waves of negativity batter your helm until the winds of change return to fill your sail with life, energy, and productive direction.

Hang on through the storm; I promise you, land is a lot closer than you think!

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stonedragon (143) (@stonedragon21) 9 years, 10 months ago ago

bravo jason. that was so well put, all i can add is YES hang on there and give yourself a big hug. a bit of self love right now.
we all deserve that, and we are all out here, hearing you and understanding you cuz we have all been there, and still go there from time to time. i did for years think i was a loser, and i think that still all too often.
but as jason said, choose to find some positive thoughts RIGHT NOW
start with one,
how about
gratitude for all the wonderful things that you are!

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Filip (2,818)M (@filipek) 9 years, 10 months ago ago

A lot of the essence is said already in this topic, so I will only second those thoughts. Remember that your thoughts do not define you!

The thoughts that you are experiencing have evolved throughout the many years you are living, and those thoughts are only ‘creatures’ of your experiences.

For example, your thoughts about being worried that you are not adequate or intelligent enough can come from the fact that you come from a religious family, where there is a believe in an almighty God who is superior towards us, human creatures. When this believe is indoctrinated in your brain throughout your childhood, insecurities like these that you are experiencing, can arise.

It is just an example, because I do not know your personal situation, and there can, and are, many reasons for these thoughts of you. For example, it is also possible that in your family, your parents, or one of them, was insecure about some things in life, and these insecurities were projected on to you.

There needs a lot of digging and analyzing to be done in order to find out where your insecurities and thoughts are coming from. It is a psychological process which can take many years, but for now, remember that those thoughts do NOT define you! You as a person, as a human being, as an individual are special and unique in the way you were born, and in the way you were developed throughout the years. The fact that you compare yourself to others, which is normal and everybody does this, consciously or subconsciously, is because our society is like that. We are being bombed with commercials, tv ads and politics where we see certain rolmodels and where we are being compared to those rolmodels.

You are unique, and you are special, and no matter how everybody else is, you are the perfect creation of yourself.

And of course what I say is easier said than done or believed in, but in a time where you feel like that right now, it is important for you to realize those things and read some positivity, so you will be able to create your own positive thoughts like already mentioned in this thread.

When you want to have more information and more knowledge etc., I advice you to read books in this matter and or talk to a specialist (I have done both).

Good luck, hang in there, and remember that life ALWAYS has its UPS and DOWNS! You can think that other people do not face those insecurities or thoughts, but trust me, EVERYBODY does, Barack Obama does, Brad Pitt does, Robert De Niro does, Ghandi does, even the Dalai Lama does. It is just how you learn to cope and deal with them.

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