Feeling like im always 'waiting' for something / rushing through life?

 MatterOverMind (@MatterOverMind)5 years, 9 months ago

Can someone help? I’ve recently tuned into the fact that throughout my whole life i constantly feel like im waiting for something, or should be doing something else when doing things and start to feel guilty. I like reading and learning for example, yet when I’m not reading I start feeling guilty about it and dont enjoy what I’m doing at the time. It is like im contantly rushing around to get things done but with no end to it, im rushing to rush in order to rush so that i can rush and it gives me feelings of anxiety/a continuous ‘waiting’ feeling.

anyone have any advice?

December 7, 2015 at 5:45 pm
Spencer (1) (@Spencer-Jarrad) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

First post here on HE, what’s up!

I’m interested in seeing what other people’s responses are as well. I’m going through the EXACT same thing. Apologies for the lengthy post – your discussion topic struck a chord with me.

Story (if you’re interested) –
I’m 23 and had been avoiding going to college after dropping out my freshman year at 18. But I suddenly turned my life around this year and went back part time this year and starting full time again next year. Point being, I used to do nothing but smoke bud and watch TV in my free time. This year I progressively mixed a bit more studying into that. But as I grew more and more productive, I’ve gotten to a point where I’m almost paranoid to be productive. Most days now I wake up around 6a and either read (all dense technical stuff, not any casual reading), program, or build circuits (both are new hobbies I picked up this year), and I continue until it’s dark or my boyfriend comes over. Even after all that, I still always feel bummed when the sun sets and wish I could’ve accomplished more that day.

What’s working for me –
I’ve started to add physical activity in each day which helps. But the one thing that helped me the most so far was sitting down and typing up a weekly to-do list broken down by days. When I made it, I thought really hard about every single thing I could, should, possibly, and realistically do on that day each week. I made copies and use the checklist throughout my day. I also now keep track of my reading hours broken down by subject, so I run stats on my reading time averages and measure my progress over time. I also started a list of my long-term goals, each with it’s own page where I list the short term goals that I can accomplish in service to achieving that long-term goal. I integrate those short term goals into my weekly checklist.

This works for me because I’m a data/numbers-driven guy, and I love problem solving. This whole rushing around thing got really out of hand, and I started realizing I was complaining to myself that I was always rushing. So I got an idea one day (may have been inspired by bud…) to take this problem I didn’t understand, and solve it with what I love – data and numbers. By bringing into my realm and comfort zone, I feel like that problem is now something i’m gaining control of. It’s made me feel better, but I still can’t help feeling at times like I’m still caught aimlessly rushing.

While typing this post, I realized that I might feel this way because, for the first time ever, I know what I want to do with my future. It’s given me a lot of excitement for a very very long term goal. What I thought was anxiety could just be intense anticipation, and my constant rush to productivity is me wanting to cram the next 8+ years into each day. Not sure, but glad I typed this post now. 

Is there a long term goal or something in the distant future that you’re greatly anticipating? If you are, maybe we’re going through something similar.

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