Fighting My Way Out of a Life Long Rut

RoseExtract (@GabbyM) 7 years, 7 months ago

I am constantly seeking and finding inspiration from various very high quality sources, various forms of art, a plethora of artists and brilliant thinkings, discussions, journals, etc. However, in actuality, I suffer a great deal from my own listless, seemingly entirely unmotivated existence. So many wonderful things happen in my mind, it has always been this way, yet I have had a life long struggle with expressing it effectively, and as of late have stopped trying almost entirely. I write a composition here and there, read often, have meaningful discussions but I don’t dance, I don’t draw or paint, go for walks, write poetry, anything like I used to, In part because I’ve grown up, found things to consume my time like various jobs, attending university, making ends meet, so to speak. I feel empty. I live with the love of my life who keeps me so happy and involved, yet when he’s gone I feel like a shell of who I know I should be if not for this lack of spark that I can’t decide if it should make me who I’m trying to allow myself to be, or if it’s truly holding me back. I often create my best things when I have this indescribable feeling that shakes me skin to marrow (yet calms me to near lethargy?), but am most frustrated with my performance otherwise. I know there is something in me I need to find, or expose or trip over, whatever. I’ve had this inexplicable trait described to me often by my father, teachers, therapists, etc, a quality that seems to excite them very much, but I have yet to realize it, let a lone its full potential. And I am very much disturbed by this state of existence.

October 12, 2014 at 10:04 pm
Sarcastic Roach (56) (@sarcasticroach) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

The paradox of your life imitates the paradox of the universe… That which drives the vehicle, is tragically that which cannot be realized. You are simply looking at your life from the point of view where it is most obscured. Have trust in others to see you are exactly where you need to be. The restlessness is merely the feedback of your own “engine”. A vital piece in the very uneasiness necessary for your questioning of your disturbance.

Ray (4) (@brainofmorbius) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

Realize that life is always incomplete and most people die with their core dreams unexpressed. There is never a perfect time to do anything or start anything.

Either you live your life in your own way and do what you want to do, or you continue to deal with the frustration and depression of doing what others want you to do with the time you have here on this planet. Its entirely up to you.

bouma (5) (@boumabouma) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

Keep on looking for things that excite you, things that make you tick. Look beyond the things you know, if you can’t find it there. “What you think is play, is your passion.” Don’t be afraid of it and don’t be afraid of making changes in your life in order to embrace your passion. Fear will only hold you back, it will keep you in your comfort zone (which is stationary).

Keep taking steps on the stepping stones, when you stop evolving you will start feeling down. If the direction you started on doesn’t feel right, simply change direction knowing you learned which way not to go.

Also accept that this is a process, it will take time. Keep an open mind, look out beyond the horizon, you will find your spark there.

Disclaimer: I am yet to (re-)acquire my passion, but I am sure I will find it.

Anonymous (0) (@) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

Try volunteering somewhere like a homeless shelter. If done in right state of mind, it is the most stimulating thing that can uplift. Service rendered to others makes for growth.

RoseExtract (1) (@GabbyM) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Thank you all for your meaningful replies.
They’re greatly appreciated, I assure you.

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