Finding peers… anyone else have trouble finding open people?

 Cisco (@Cisco)7 years, 8 months ago

I seem to have problems finding other people that want to talk about the deeper issues. I know that the world is a reflection of ourselves but I can not help but notice that I have very few peers when it comes to talking about feelings, life’s meaning and the big, hard questions. This is one of the reasons I like this site so much is that there is a lot of open-ness.

For instance, when I go “philosophical”, my GF tunes out, when I go “universe”, my Christian friends tune out. It seems we only tend to relate to aspects of one another. Is that right? I know we don’t all completely match up all the time but I often feel pretty lonely in the quiet of introspection.

Do you guys have similar experiences? Where do you find people that like to engage on you the more meaningful things?

July 30, 2013 at 6:31 am
bmarie (25) (@bmarie) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@cisco, Honestly, I haven’t found a single person that makes me feel comfortable enough and acts like they care enough for me to even talk about regular emotions that are discussed in a friendship. My boyfriend will listen to me buy usuallu we end up arguing because we have very different opinions or he doesn’t participate in the conversation much. So I haven’t really found anyone like that. Ive lived in the same area for most of my life so I’m hoping when I go away for college next month that I’ll find someone with similar interests who likes to talk about these things, but I’m finding it more and more uncommon. People have no use in discussing life and the big things when they can spend all their time gossiping and talking about the next pointless thing they want to have or do.

[Hidden]
Obviously, you’re not a golfer (605) (@donjaime23) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Try looking in a Starbucks

[Hidden]
Anonymous (10) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@cisco Well most people suck, so there’s that.

I live in a desolate area that somewhat resembles a kind of dry, post-apocalyptic wasteland void of morals, class, and higher thought process. Get on the darknet if you want open minded to it’s fullest. Or talk to us? Or both.

[Hidden]
Anonymous (119) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Oh I hear you friend.

But we are drawn to those like ourselves as they are to us.

[Hidden]
Cisco (4) (@Cisco) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I knew I was gonna hear that Youniverse and Jameson, Starbucks just has lots of people looking at electronic devices that if you talk to them act like you are going to hurt them! I think cracking through the shell of that feeling of separateness is a trick for me. Maybe I don’t have the patience to do that… hmmmmmm

I hate the notion that most people suck too but I understand the feeling! I see a willingness by lots of people here to discuss things openly but maybe it’s the anonymity of it all that fosters that.

[Hidden]
Megan (32) (@fearlessldr) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

It’s normal. Yes, I’ve met quite a few people in my life with who I have amazing conversations with. But, in order to do that, it required me to stop hanging out with many previous good friends. What tipped me off in the beginning was traveling for the first time when I was 19. Leaving home (and the country) was the best thing I could have done for myself. It helped me develop my filter for what kinds of people were truly worth my time. You are the people you choose to hang out with. Follow what inspires you and you will indeed meet like-minded people.

[Hidden]
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I’ve thought about this a lot. I wrote a blog post about it last year, here it is.

http://rosyredelectricblue.blogspot.com/2012/08/grabbing-reigns-of-connection.html

[Hidden]
Cisco (4) (@Cisco) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@tangledupinplaid21, Great post and dead on! I learned once that questions are great ice breakers. Seems like people close to us however, sometimes can be guarded by questions that cause them to open up. Maybe they sense judgement from me? Thanks for the response!

[Hidden]
Cisco (4) (@Cisco) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@fearlessldr, Thanks for the response and great advice! When I was younger and traveled around a lot I noticed what you are saying. I was pretty into myself then and didn’t have this mind set I do now tho. :-) It was all about me then whereas now I want that connection with others.

[Hidden]
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@cisco, that’s why kinda silly/fun sounding questions are perfect. On the surface they appear to be normal and non threatening but you actually figure out stuff about the person. There’s an article on high existence with a bunch of thought provoking questions that can give you some ideas as well.

[Hidden]
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I have found that thinking in terms of “us deep thinkers” and “them” is actually really divisive and gets you nowhere… People pick up on your opinions about them even if you’re not overtly saying it aloud, and no one likes being treated like they are shallow or their concerns don’t matter. There was a time when all of you guys thought about things that you would now consider trivial and judge others for worrying about. Seeing the similarities in all people makes it more likely for people to open up to you.

[Hidden]
David (18) (@alexunknown) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Hard one…. Ever since I started to question everything (and it’s been already some years), I sound myself in the need of some feedback… A way to know I’m not crazy or egocentric or caged in my own mind… to know I’m not only living in my own world without even taking a glance to this external world.
Since then I’ve been looking for someone I could talk about all this questions and their possible answers… And I’ve found just one. On the other side, I have even lost friends and the credibility of my own mother… They all call me ‘stubborn’ when all I got is this unconformity. All I see in them is walls and limits in their visual field. And of course I know I may be wrong, but their feedback isn’t what I’m looking for.
But let me tell you something… The one and only friend I have to talk and deepen with these things has only made me realize that only I can have my own conclusions. It’s good to have feedback to have an understanding of everything of your own… For example, this answer I’m giving you right now maybe you will accept it or maybe not, but it served to you as a wider point of view of what you want to believe.

Hope this helped somehow!

[Hidden]
LVX (297) (@Vovinawol) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Only way I see how to do that would br to join a mystery school like the Rosicrucians AMORC or something. I was a member many years ago and they have local chapters all over the place. There are other orders out there also, but most don’t have local chapters.

[Hidden]
Ezgi (0) (@thewayiexpress) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@cisco , What i see about this issue is that people think if they talk about universe, life, where we come from or something, they probably suppose that they cheaded on their religions. Now that the religions are not open to be questioned, they don’t talk about certain issues. I think talking about this issues requires some maturity. Maybe there are some factors that can affect people’s talking. For instance, majority of my peers may not even think about this issues because there are more important ones to care about such as Facebook profile picture, what to wear today to look nice etc.

Besides, I’d like to mention about talking feelings. Some people have really difficulty in talking about feelings because feelings are most fragile area we have. They don’t want to show us this part of them. Sometimes it’s hard to talk about feelings since we don’t even realize what we are feeling that time.

Talking about emotions emerged in my life when i started to college, since I was being trained about helping people solve their problems in their life. So I got used to talk about many issues. I don’t think it is necessity for the people to study psychological counseling for being able to talk about this issues but i think they need a person (like you, like me, like other people responding to this post) who will make them get used.

[Hidden]
LVX (297) (@Vovinawol) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@cisco, To add to the last post… other than that, I have never met anyone in person who was interested and knowledgable of the mysteries.

[Hidden]
David (18) (@alexunknown) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

This morning I saw this quote and it reminded me of this:

“You have to take seriously the notion that understanding the universe is YOUR responsibility, because the only understanding of the universe that will be useful to you is your own understanding” – Terence McKenna

[Hidden]
James (16) (@jameswzup) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@tangledupinplaid21, I can relate to this a lot, often surprising someone and showing a real interest in them is enough to spark some interest in return. On the flip side, having already passed judgement before entering into conversation tends not to lead very far. Openness in both thought and expression is key.

[Hidden]
Zenn_Ian (13) (@ifosso) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I have a feeling a big reason a lot of us have trouble with this is we fall into this category:

http://schrojones.deviantart.com/art/How-to-Live-with-Introverts-291305760

I know I do, and it’s not the typical human configuration…. so it’s hard to find others that we can connect with.

[Hidden]
Flynnstone (813) (@flynnstone) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Yes, sometimes. But not a lot.
The problem isn’t that people are superficial, they just appear to be. We don’t know what they think about or how they think at all, we just see what manifests in front of us. Every time I’ve met someone I’d thought was superficial and had time to really talk to them, they have proven me wrong, every time.
The thing is is that I don’t always get a chance to talk to someone like that, or I don’t know what topics will open their minds and hearts to me.
For example, if you’re talking about the weather, you don’t really feel that passionate about the fluctuations in temperature or the thunderstorm last night, on a deep intellectual level, right? Unless you are I guess. But for the purposes of this example you’re not.
But, if I were to ask you about what sort of films you like to make, as a film major in college, and you tell me all about horror films, I find that that connection is made more easily…because then when people talk about their passions they reveal who they are a lot as well.
And in this sense passion means not only an activity that someone enjoys but also whatever makes someone feel anything strongly.
At least that’s been my experience.

[Hidden]
Anonymous (0) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@cisco, I can completely relate to that! I have an answer for you, travel. I can’t express it’s importance and you will find like minded people like us! The people I have had a real connection to with regards to the big questions, the universe, science and spirituality are those I’ve met whilst visiting other places/countries, discovery.

[Hidden]
James (2) (@arsenal) 7 years, 4 months ago ago

@vovinawol, Same here. Whenever I try to bring out these suject everybody just ignores it.

[Hidden]
load more