A friend of mine (a guy, and I’m a girl) has recently started university (or college or post secondary education) and I’m still in my last year of high school. He hasn’t been talking to me really at all lately, and I’ve obviously been missing him because we used to be really close. I saw him at a party tonight and he was super cold so I left. There has never been any romantic feelings between us, so the only reason I can think of for his behaviour is that he feels he outgrew me. Has anyone else had this situation?
He could be embarrassed of being your friend. That happens a lot.
I haven’t had this experience but I’ve put a girl through it. I never liked her she was a plain Jane to me her name was Kim. Kim had a child crush on me but every year I came to visit I would hook up with the pretty girls. Even though Kim and me were friends it was different.
Kim would hit me punch me. Kim even would try to out run me literally race me. I saw Kim as a boy before a girl. I had used her before in a way that was selfish. Never forceful but I did take advantage of her feelings. She became like a side friends with benefit thing no sex mild stuff. This happened to me in my late years of high school. I just had a really bad case of late puberty and I had like morphed in to what most people call a perv I never did anything I regretted but a lot of feelings and things like that I wish I could have controlled. Later on I went back to apologize to Kim after she graduated high school. I asked the ultimate question. Would you like to live with me? At that point she had already moved on found someone else she liked and told me that I could find another pretty girl to have my flings with. She didn’t say that hatefully but rather very remorseful.
Kim latched on to me even after that. I did what she said find someone else and then she got jealous. Kim and me are friends now but check this out. Kim is the only girl on the planet aside from someone in my family I consider a friend. Guys are dicks. If he was at that party maybe he thought the same thing I did. What are my best options and to him you were just a friend there was no potential there. If he put time in to you that would take away his chances to get with someone else. Think of us guys as wild creatures. We have no self control until we are literally taught how. If you like this guy it’s your move to come in and snap him out of it. Let me tell you when I realized it all it came at me hard. However, now I get it. So are you going to try and help him now or is it just not worth your time? It’s your call though not his.
Thanks so much!
He really is worth it, we used to have so much fun together. But I have no idea what to say to him because he’s not acting like himself at all and I feel like I don’t even know him anymore. I used to think that he wouldn’t be the type to ditch a friend so that he could get it in with a girl he’s actually attracted to like @besser suggested but maybe he’s different now. He used to be there for me when it came to things like that and I would have been there for him. At his prom, I went with someone else who turned out to be an idiot and he helped me out and stuck with me for a while, even though he could have hooked up with someone during the time spent with me.
So I guess he’s different now, and wants older friends.
I would like to confront him about it but I have no idea what to say
This happens all the time as you get older. Some of it is situational like you pointed out, him in university vs. you in high school. But alot of it is undefinable; for no fault of your own they just stop being friends with you.
I think you will find as the decades go by that you have groupings of friends over time. There will be your high school group, your college group, your work group, your couple group… More often than not these groups of friends fade out of your life as you enter a new focus for how you spend your time… Its pretty common and its happened to me over and over as well.
What’s annoying about when people do this is they pretend not to realize anything shifted which makes you wonder if what you did share was real at all. It was, but he has amnesia bc he’s a silly monkey. If he is too faggy to feel cool when talking to his good friend who is younger than he is it’s more about his insecurity. His insecurity doesn’t need to force you out of a party. But also things change and that’s okay, even if it’s because of social status issues. Those are a legitimate thing, but I notice it’s more powerful to transcend the status game.
there are things we do all the time – for the rest of our life. if a person isnt in the space of ‘all the time’ then small talk is trivial. we keep our heads up because anything we need can be planned, and simply planning alone is a release of feel good chemicals.
Hi everyone, thanks so much for all of your feedback.
I guess what’s happening is the inevitable passing of time and the uncovering of someone that I thought was a decent person. If it was this easy for him to ditch me, I don’t think there’s any point in preserving the friendship. I’m really going to miss him, but I feel like I deserve better than this, as does everyone.