Friends: !? fuck 'em, love 'em, hate 'em… who are they?

 Quincy (@forward)7 years, 2 months ago

What’s up guys and gals!
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I love talking to you all and let me preface by saying, NO I’m not depressed, don’t have to/need to see a doctor. I like getting advice from you all, like minded people, which is kind of why I’m here, both for advice and also out of curiosity to hear from some who are in or who have been in similar situations, or just feel the same.
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I have been in NJ for almost a year now and about 1 1/2 on and off. The few people I’ve met, my age, cool – in a ‘fun to hang out with’ way, and also easy to meet and get to know. Working some fast food its easy and some what necessary to have to talk to everyone and get to know them better. Let me note – moving from NC, Jersey is one of those places that has everything within a reasonable distance but shit if you can’t drive and not in a heavily populated area where public transport is more of a priority. Also I’m a straight guy, not that it matters, but I’ve moved around a lot and have only had 3 or so really good best buds, 23 now and met most of them in high school and early college years. Back to the point, met a cool dude working, lives too far out, not exactly one of the ‘HEY MOM! This is my best friend’ looking kind of guys, and in the passenger seat of my dui – mom doesn’t know he was there, but his mom saw me plenty at court.
I had a temp job that didn’t go full time, so I am only going to 2 evening classes at the county college, no job. I smoke, but not before class, and am a pretty shy person. I’m just not outgoing in a way where I want to make myself uncomfortable by making someone else feeling like that, up in your face kind of. I am just average, but I know I’m fuckin’ out there… being a smoker makes me feel a little paranoid when meeting people, I suppose because of the popular disapproval of it. Having a bit of an approach anxiety makes it hard for me to simply say hey! and though it may just be an excuse at its core, seems like a mental wall from approaching women. I’m shy too… so even when someone else spews words its hard to keep ‘small talk.’ This may not be a common case either but, I don’t feel a need to STRIVE to get to know someone who doesn’t want to do the same. Even after meeting people, some may take days, weeks or months of ‘getting to know them’ but eventually turn out being someone different, someone who maybe embraces a facade to lure the gullible, someone who you weren’t expecting them to be on a personal level or, and this is my most worthy hypothesis, it was just my inability to notice the characteristics about them that erk me knowing I’m too close to what I thought was an ideal, like-minded, or best friend material kind of person, who turned out to just suck LOL.
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I wanted to give HEthens as much info to get you to empathize with WHY I have my questions for advice and debate to ask of you. There was just a point where I really thought I had a safety blanket of support and friends around and was just thrown under the bus, and hate not having people around who want to have intellectual conversations. What can I do to just make meeting a few people/ eventual friends easier? I know school should make it easy but I don’t know anyone there. For those who have had to move and start a new friend network, whether you had a job or school after the move, what made it easy, both your situation and what you may have done to meet people? I’m someone who sees a lot of passion in many things too, so what could I even do to meet similar people at these events, shows etc.? I mean, how do you all define a friend? Has anyone betrayed you, your definition, or just crossed some dark line that made ‘friends’ hard for you? the experience or life after, meeting and making acquaintances? How would you describe what a friend is supposed to be, and even more so a best friend?
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Thanks for reading! Even if you guys hate my background I hope the questions about how we think of friends and define them, was at least thought provoking for something everyone can relate to….. I think?! Anyways Thanks in advance.

February 13, 2014 at 12:56 am
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