Friends to lovers?

 Esko918 (@esko918)5 years, 11 months ago

I’ll try and get my point across as clearly as possible cause I don’t know what I should really do here. Long story short, I knew this girl for a few years now. She’s my friends sister and I knew her for about 8 years hanging out with her maybe 10 times in those 8 or 9 years. I was really close with her sister though. Now one night me and her just happened to hangout one night and that night everything changed. We both seen the spark from that night and both agree we have crazy amount of chemistry. We talk for hours upon hours like no other woman I have ever met. We even have psychic powers with each other no lie we always finish our sentences or say exactly what the other person is thinking before they say it. It’s some really heavy stuff that’s between me and her. So after that first night we hungout eveyday for 2 weeks straight. We text eachotyer every day. Go hangout places just me and her. She makes me dinner and lunch sometimes. She acts more like a gf to me than a best friend. She’s protective of me gives me noticeable signs of good body language it’s all there really. So the second or third day I asked her out on a date but she declined and was really bummed out that she thought I wouldn’t wanna hangout with her after. But I said it’s ok and I did anyway. So here we are almost 3 months later and the other day I told her hey I think we should really start dating I see some potential for something really good here. But yet again she declined stating she doesn’t see me that way and said with everything that has happened in her past right now she wants to focus on her and wants to still be friends. Now we both agree there was this spark in the beginning, we both agree there’s chemistry between us. I just don’t know what I should really do here. I know I’m going to still go after other woman but this one is really different. Our conversations are on such a deeper level than any other girl I met before. She told me that she’s never had a connection like this with anyone other than her sister, which I repied well I’m not her sister. She says that even though there’s these signs of great chemistry and she seen the spark that first day. It doesn’t mean we shukd be together. I wanna stay her friend really I do, but I see so much more here and so does she. This has the potential for something great. So what’s your opinion? Please tell me stories you know about where friends became more than friends

December 8, 2014 at 9:49 am
Jane S. (3) (@Sinusoid) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

Wow! Deep connections like that are rare. I will tell you a similar story with me in the main role: about a year ago i met a guy with who i had sort of deep connection. We talked for hours and spent tremendous amount of time together. This is quite unusual for me because i don’t find many people that i actually connect with. I dont communicate on such a level with any of my male aquaintances and friends (or should i say just mates because friends is too much of a big word for them). I get bored with most of them quite quickly. After about a month past our meeting he told me that he would like to be more than friends because we just get along too well. But for me i didn’t see him as more than just a friend (like your friend). I loved spending time with him, i was even sharing my deep secrets with him but i would never date him. I simply don’t have any romantic attraction for him. At the end, he stopped hanging out with me altogether saying that he doesnt want it because he wants to date me.

Moral of the story: stop wasting your time. Most probably she really treats you as just a friend and if there was potential for something more that that, i think, it would have been obvious by now. I know it’s sort of painful to accept that. I know because i recently had a similar experience. I was in love with the guy which i was seeing. He told me that i am just his friend and he doesn’t want to be in relationship. And i thought he was amazing and really liked him,. And i am usually cautious using big words but i even think that was love.
Loving someone who sees you only as a friend hurts your feelings and is a waste of time. My advice for you is to get distracted from her and dont waste time and energy thinking about that. You are obviously very much hang up on her since you even made this post!

But… feelings are powerful! So maybe i am wrong and this relationship might develop into something better. I just gave you my point of view as a girl and also that someone who just experienced a similar thing. So i feel you. But i strongly advice you to stop that before you get too much attached to her or you might regret later. I regeret but try to be realistic now. Attachement to someone who doesnt want you is HORRENDOUS!

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Esko918 (6) (@esko918) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

Honestly though I never felt something like this before and neither has she. I see what your saying, what your saying is the classic route that relationships go through. If your not together in the first 2 months then it will never happen. I used to think that way. honestly though most of those marriages based upon people who got together in the first 2 months have no foundation which is why they fall apart so later on in their lives. I’ve never kept a female friend before, like you I don’t get interested in woman like that they just don’t click for me on a mental level. So I feel like just banning her from my life is the wrong decision. Luckily for me the feelings haven’t set in yet, what set in is the potential I see me and her can have. So if it takes times it takes time. I’ve always been a believer that I don’t want a relationship that someone gets with someone in the first 2 months. I always felt like they can’t work, well they might. I just don’t feel like they were for me. How can I ever have a friendship turn into something more if I don’t stick this out?

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lifegamer (28) (@lifegamer) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

Go ahead…you can admit it…Your ‘other head’ is getting antsy to express, yes? (gender is insignificant, as both have a sex-mind that beckons from below the waist)

mpo, Esko: Enjoy the energy sparkles…They are very precious in their own rites. Perhaps, however, a fine experience to hone a bit of self-control…as in Lovingly acknowledging your sexy-side, but letting it know that this particular relationship is deeper than a pelvic orifice or the sensations thereof. Then, be Happy of that communicae with your physical nature, & move on with expanding this beloved connect through your Spirit nature. Then, prepare to be Amazed far beyond either head-level.

Be a supporter, be a confidante, be a true Best Friend…Be Freedom, Be Love…Be Patience. These are priceless, ever-expressions that You can become of, as well as everyone you touch by Your Be-ingness.
When we do not seek ‘results’ or ‘levels’ in our relationshipping (actually, in all stuff), the unfoldings are undeniably much more than Imagination dreams up…and Then, Dear-heart, will you Know what Amazing feels like.

Blessings to your moves & grooves, Esko…I wish you the feeling of Amazing. :) <3

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Esko918 (6) (@esko918) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

Thanks this really helped. I wanna be positive about this I really do but when your friendzoned, there’s little chance of getting out of it. i can’t let myself get attached and just be left in the dust when the time calls for it. That’s just how my life always has been. God shows me something then rips it away. I know I’m being vague here but I’m losing any hope here. We always talk about the future, she wants to go places with me. Talks about things we are gonna do in the future but then when I ask to date her she says no. I just don’t know what to do.

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lifegamer (28) (@lifegamer) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

I know the deal…Been here, done this…and an emotion-packed experience it is! So when are you going to stop asking for ‘a date’ & See that all your moments already are ‘dates’…aka. time well-spent? Einstein rocked it when he observed, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results.” If “this is how life has always been” for ya, perhaps a nice opportunity to “Stop the Insanity”, yes? :)
Up til Now, We are conditioned to define Commitment by word, Loyalty by sex, Family by children, & to consider ourselves as a mated pair or “in a relationship” status if we have any these things. (proper order is highly encouraged, as is ‘all in one box’)
But does Experience reflect grand well-being when these conditions are adamantly met? idk…I noticed “Not!”…Not in any type of relationship. We tell humanized stories about Everything, don’t we? Using the Understandings of Our styles, in Our moments. And we eat them, adulterate them, & pass them down the lines. As well, it’s good to notice that Nature adjusts when stuff is deemed dysfunctional to the Whole…Humanity is still getting a grip on the Oneness concept.
Do you know what a powerful part you can contribute to that grip, simply by side-stepping the conditioning & going with flow of your Personal Experience…by re-defining the way We are doing Human, by redefining how You are doing It??? You most certainly are capable, it would be most appreciated, and I Thank You in advance for at least trying. Courage, Sweetness! Blessings to Being Blasphemous! :D

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Jared.L (3) (@Jared.L) 4 years, 2 months ago ago

You have a very deep relationshiop here. I think you should try to talk to each other and decide what you both want from this relationship. 

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Nora (1) (@Noracat) 4 years, 2 months ago ago

Well, you risk losing everything. It depends on how much you value you place on your friendship with this person and if you’re willing to risk it all. I would say: proceed with caution. Some couples spend years as platonic friends before suddenly deciding to get it together. The reality is that when friends become lovers the shift in their emotions is usually gradual. In fact, it’s so subtle they don’t even notice it’s happening until the moment a kindly hug becomes loaded with intention.

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