Happiness For Others

Nina Morgan (@silvrr) 7 years, 10 months ago


Lately I’ve been doing some soul searching, and I have been trying to practice showing my real emotions when interacting with others. It’s so easy for us to put our behavior on something like autopilot and go with things, but at this point in my life I don’t want to live that way.

With this in mind, when people I care for tell me about things happening in their life, I have trouble immediately feeling happy for them. This isn’t an issue of jealousy. It’s more like after they tell me I think, “Wow that’s great. Here’s the part where you should be really happy for them!”
…. But the feeling of happiness never comes, and my the words, “That’s great. I’m happy for you!” Always end up sounding hollow and in genuine to my ears.

Has anybody else gone through this before? How does one express true emotions when he/she is is still exploring what emotions are?

November 26, 2014 at 9:32 am
Anonymous (17) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

No, I haven’t gone through being a fake douchebag before, but I’m sure you’ll relate to people understanding how hard it is to be.

Anonymous (17) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

I guess that’s what being a fake douchebag is for.

Alex (551) (@hollowinfinity) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Well it kinda sounds like you ARENT happy for them.

Alex Z (28) (@GanjaGuru) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Perhaps your thinking too much about yourself and when someone tells you exciting news about themselves your ego grows and wants to compete with this person. It may stem from a bit of social anxiety but it’s really just all an illusion so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Hmmmm, yes I have experienced that before when people tell me good news about something I don’t care about. For example “I was able to get my hair high lighted for cheaper at this new salon yay I’m so excited!” There was a time when I would have thought to myself “wow I don’t care”. But now I kind of can just see their happiness and be happy that they’re happy even if it’s not something that matters to me personally. Hope that makes sense.

Martijn Schirp (112,780)A (@martijn) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

You’re judging yourself for being someone who isn’t happy for them. This judging clouds your perspective of having compassion and understanding of the other. Happiness is not a thought, nor a self-commandment, it is stepping in the world of the other and see the joy as it is for them. This means really moving your body emotionally in that direction. Once you see it, well, your having the same emotional (pathos) viewpoint, and can thus relate.

I don’t feel it is not genuine. You clearly know that they are happy, and you care for them and want to listen to the things that are important to them. Just keep exploring those emotions, they seem still a bit in the background, but I am sure with a meditation practice you can have long lasting and healing insights on why this is so.

Almeida (304) (@xetado) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Well, you express your emotions by feeling them. If you don’t feel something when you are “supposed to”, don’t judge yourself, be original instead.

Brooke Hampton (1) (@brookiecookie1618) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

You started off saying that you wanted to “show your real emotions”… and then you go on to say at the end that you are confused as to why you aren’t feeling what you “should” feel. If you’re trying to be genuine, that means not caring sometimes. Are you trying to be genuine, or are you trying to be happy for others? Those are two different things.
I suggest that you focus on being genuine first, and happy for others second. If you aren’t feeling excited for your friend, instead of telling yourself, “No! Be happy for them, you douchebag!” look at your emotions. Accept them. What are they telling you about yourself? Are you jealous? Tired? Stressed? Accept what you feel and reflect on how you can get closer to your ideal self, or who you want to be.
Hope this was helpful.

Nina Morgan (3) (@silvrr) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Thanks for all the replies!

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