he feels ashamed to be around me, whats wrong with this?

Dreamer (@heartbeat) 8 years, 3 months ago

I was just questioning the thing, i feel like i like someone but he feels ashamed for me because i am a weird foreign person and i have all these anxiety issues that i can’t act normal when i fall in love for someone, now he feels ashamed for me, how am i supposed to react on this? It makes me angry and hurtful at the same time, i can not understand why someone would feel ashamed, and i feel offended by it. It is because i freaked out at school one day and they even called the cops on me only because i stood still and did not want to move anywhere anymore because i could not handle the tension inside myself, and now they think of me as some sort of freak, as if im supposed to hide the fact that i am what i am. It is because i like this person but he feels ashamed for me, should i just stop liking the person or how am i supposed to handle myself towards him? the weird thing is, his friend act normal towards me, he is even nice to me, he does not feel ashamed at all, what kind of person would feel ashamed for me being off beat?? how would you act upon this?

October 21, 2013 at 10:41 am
YHVH (462) (@spaceghost) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Obviously _________________.

[Hidden]
Dreamer (25) (@heartbeat) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@spaceghost, yeah i know but how am i supposed to act upon this, i dont feel ashamed, there are so many more worse things that happen in a lifetime so..

[Hidden]
fucksake (26) (@fucksake) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@heartbeat,

1) stop being a retard

2) Tell him to fuck off

3) tell him to go fuck his mom

4) fact: if you are foreign you are less than dog shit in the eyes of 99% of white people, so just be an awesome cunt and have some fucking respect for yourself, instead of doting over some faggot + making shit threads

5) get a life

[Hidden]
Amanda (12) (@amandaglinghammar) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

If it’s your boyfriend you’re talking about well… let me put this in an nice way, I think he’s being a dick. If you really want to stay in this relationship I suggest you talk to him and either way I think you should see some kind of psychiatrist for the tension you are talking about (maybe you already do). And if he’s not ready to help you or accept you the way you are, with the flaws and issues you might have, he just ain’t worth spending your energy on.

[Hidden]
Dreamer (25) (@heartbeat) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@fucksake, should i do that? why didnt i think of that myself :o, no its not that i feel ashamed of my culture whathafack are you saying, i didnt know white people think of other cultures like that, now i know, maybe that was the problem to begin with, because i didnt know, interesting..i have a life thank you very much this was just passing by wondering about something that i couldnt figure out myself..but now i know

[Hidden]
Dreamer (25) (@heartbeat) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@amandaglinghammar, it snot my boyfriend i just liked him, but we are totally different in upbringings and culture and religion and everything else for that matter, but i wanted to try to cross the gap, but now i dont know if i should want to do that, knowing that white people act like that towards other cultures, but i do have multicultural friends but it offends me to think that it could be because im from a different culture, i never thought of it that way..

[Hidden]
Amanda (12) (@amandaglinghammar) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@heartbeat, well that’s really sad to here, there’s idiots everywhere and I still don’t think he’s worth your time if he can’t even see beyond the color of your skin, we live in the 21 century for Christ sake, just leave him alone is my advise :)

[Hidden]
fucksake (26) (@fucksake) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@heartbeat, you said it yourself ” but he feels ashamed for me because i am a weird foreign person ”

so dont act like you didnt know white people dont percieve different cultures that way.

and before someone shit themselves, not ALL white people do , some infact feel more attracted to other cultures or races, but a lot of them are also racist cunts, and if you feel they are, they probably are.

So yeah just be awesome and dont give a fuck . If hes ashamed of you then why like him ? Have some respect for yourself. if i feel attracted to someone and they dont feel the same way, then i say oh well fuck you then , your loss, cya .

[Hidden]
Dreamer (25) (@heartbeat) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@fucksake, i dont know if it is because i am foreign, I AM foreign, but i dont know if thats the reason he feels ashamed, there are so many reasons why he could feel ashamed, i didnt know THAT could be one of the reasons too, it is that you just said it that it was made clear to me that that could be the reason..

yeah i know i feel like i hate him for it, but some part of me liked him before i knew he felt ashamed, now i dont know if i should hate him for it or should try to understand why he feels ashamed..

[Hidden]
fucksake (26) (@fucksake) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@heartbeat, Dont act stupid , you said it yourself

“but he feels ashamed for me because i am a weird foreign person”

dont bother trying to understand, tbh the way you are acting right now, i’d feel ashamed if you liked me. You seem like a very small person , who doesnt understand much about life.

[Hidden]
Dreamer (25) (@heartbeat) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@fucksake, yeah i look like that lol, i dont know if it is because im foreign, there are so many things he could be ashamed of, i tell a whole sentence, that is not the problem, the problem is HOW am i supposed to handle that, now you said i should tell him to fuck off, but i was thinkin that would not be constructive to do, but maybe it IS.

yeah i dont care what YOU think about me, that doesnt bother me, i dont know you but i liked this person at first so that is why it feels conflicting. i dont know if that is a reason to stop like a person, maybe it is.

[Hidden]
Cody (472) (@versai) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@heartbeat, I think I understand the problem, but it may not be what you want to hear. First of all, I’m 99% sure it has nothing to do with you being foreign.

After only reading the title and before opening the thread, I immediately knew you must have done something embarrassing in public. It reminds me of my last relationship actually. It might make me an asshole but I was fairly ashamed to be with my last girlfriend in public. Too ashamed to even consider her my girlfriend and often introduced her just as my friend.
——————————–
When I first met her I had no idea she was a little weird and anxious. We worked together and became friends and I noticed she didn’t have a boyfriend so I started to flirt with her. I brought her over one day and kissed her and it was a little awkward, I could tell this was probably her first time. I think she was taking things way too seriously from that point on, it’s almost like you could see the visions of marriage and children in her wide-eyes(she wouldn’t close them while I kissed her, a little creepy). I think that same afternoon she asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend now and I sorta laughed it off not knowing what to say. I think I said I was just getting to know her more and wasn’t quite ready for that relationship yet.

But I think she immediately took it a different way and started telling people I was her bf which was annoying enough. It also gave me all the control throughout the rest of the relationship because she cared about it way more than I did. I think this is what made her so anxious or brought out her anxiety, because things just got more weird from then on. She was really nervous and fidgety and twitchy around me which was not attractive at all.
———————————
The first time I gave her a chance at being my ‘gf’ I invited her to a party at my house. I was one of the hosts so I was floating around a lot; talking and interacting with people while she was just very antisocial, I think she sat in my room or on the computer the whole night. I also realized she was pretty immature, changing the music to really childish pop crap and choosing movies that were basically PG. She wouldn’t drink or smoke with us; but it wasn’t for any logical reason, just out of fear or ignorance I guess.

My room is pretty much just a bed, and by the time I finally retired to it after the party she was under my covers already. I crawled in and we made out for a while and eventually started rounding bases but she didn’t want to. Instead we just made out for like 4-5 hours and it was super boring for me. I eventually pushed her off to get some sleep and I think she stayed awake the entire night poking or kissing me while I was asleep, constantly waking me up as if it was cute, trying to engage another hour long makeout sesh. The next morning I had a hangover and blue balls and no sleep and it was the first and last time I had her over for a while.
—————————
I took her to the movies once, bought her whatever she wanted. We walk about 15 feet away from the cashier before she drops it all on the ground. Like straight drops a huge soda and popcorn like she has flippers for hands. It splashed across the floor and made a huge scene. I’ve never even seen that happen before so I was like woah, wtf do I do? I was so embarrassed to be next to her in that moment and an employee thankfully rushed in to take care of the mess so we could move on. First and last time I took her out anywhere.

We still hung out at my place now and then and although I considered her more as a friend with benefits, she definitely thought I was her boyfriend; even after conversations with her about keeping our status unofficial.
—————————————-
My friend’s band was playing a huge gig and they ordered a party bus for all their friends to ride there and see them play. I invited this girl along and told her exactly what would be going on a couple days beforehand and she was totally cool with it. We get to the rendezvous and it’s a super awesome bus. The seats were stripped and replaced with couches, a free keg, everyone had some weed and a cup and was looking forward to a great 2 hour commute. A lot of the people on the bus I haven’t seen in a long time, so I was floating around talking to different people while she mostly sat there again. I noticed people were talking to her so I was happy she wouldn’t be bored, though the guys that were talking to her were probably a little drunk and hitting on her.

She drank and smoked a little with us and had in private with me a few times before, so it wasn’t anything new for her. Everyone was having a blast and really on their level when she randomly started to freak out. She was really uncomfortable and paranoid and I didn’t even realize it until some dude was like “Hey, that girl that came with you is freaking out and wants to get off the bus. you should go talk to her”. The bus was blasting music so it was hard to understand but she wasn’t making any sense at all, it was like she was having a panic attack. She couldn’t even make complete sentences and seemed very paranoid. Her parents had called her and she was telling them waay too much info like that we were all smoking weed and there were underage drinkers and all this shit that they didn’t need to know. It immediately freaked everyone out on the bus because we all thought she was chill but she was putting everyone at a huge risk and we thought her parents might be calling the cops.

We dropped her off at a gas station to get picked up by her parents and sped on. There was a lot of time and money committed to this day and everyone was upset and I was super embarrassed. The day went on fantastically and no cops were called although her parents called my parents lol. So it was extremely immature and awkward. I haven’t seen her since then and don’t plan to.
—————————–

tl;dr I think he’s ashamed because of that scene at your school. A lot of people probably gossiped about it at the time and that sort of thing sticks with your reputation through school. If it was just a one-time weird mistake with logical reasons, he might understand. But otherwise he’s probably afraid you’ll do something like that again sometime or cause a scene some other way. I’d suggest in the most sincere way that you get some help to sort out your anxieties and gain some calmer control over social interactions. Just be chill and yourself, let him get to know you while you drop subtle hints that you’re interested. Don’t smother him with attention or set your expectations too high because that’ll just get you anxious and disappointed. Try to make both your intentions clear or he might take advantage of your insecurities and just hang out with you for sex while still being ashamed to take you in public. Just figure out what you want and if at first you don’t succeed, try again!

[Hidden]
Dreamer (25) (@heartbeat) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@versai, thanks for that response, it cleared a lot..the thing is i dont feel ashamed at all, the reason i freaked out is because i was thinking he was everywhere i went, i couldn’t walk normally in the school or he was there i got strange sexual messages on my computer that were from some guy in the school i didnt even know and i freaked out, and i could not handle the tension, so i freaked out because i could not speak normally to him, so i let it somewhat escalate in a drama at school because i could not talk to him any other way, it got out of hand and they called the cops on me they were scared i would hurt myself but i thought it was totally overreacted..there were not a lot of students, but yeah the few gossiped and found it reasonable not to talk about it anymore because they felt ashamed FOR ME, and i didnt even feel it…i just dont get that his friend is nice to me and talks to me and he was also there with the drama, while he totally avoids me. i come to wonder maybe he’s just superficial, its not like he’s a master at having his emotions straight, he’s anxious too, but he didn’t do what i did, i made a whole scene, but i didnt do it on purpose it just became like that, i just wanted to talk to him, but they made a whole big deal about it, calling the cops on me and all that shit, it still sucks when i think of it, and i feel like they embarrased me because they made it something i should be ashamed of, while i dont feel shame in the first place..

yeah when you describe your story, i feel awkward for the girl too, i really dont want to be that girl in your story, and i hate it to think he would feel that way about me the way you felt about that girl, that you felt embarassed because of her, but the thing is, i dont feel embarassed i feel hurt and offended and angry because of their superficial mindset..

the thing is i never embarassed him personally in real life, i just liked him, we were never a boy-girlfriend thing, i just wanted to get to know him, but now i think he’s kinda superficial..i did cry in public when i had so much emotions inside me because of him, maybe that is embarrassing, but i cant handle that since my childhood i just cry too easily im used to it..

crazy thing is i freaked out because of him the whole drama was because of him and he didnt even know i made a fool of myself for him, it sucks even more because he doesnt even understand the crazy shit i felt for him, it tears me apart inside knowing that i had feelings for someone who doesnt even dare to look at me and ignores me because he feels ashamed of what i did because of him..he doesnt even understand what i went through inside myself to see everything i felt fall to pieces because he feels ashamed..you would think that feelings of love or passion would destroy the feeling of shame..at least that was my mindset..now i dont know what to feel anymore

[Hidden]
Cody (472) (@versai) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@heartbeat, ahh, yea especially since the drama was related to him I can see why he’d want to distance himself. I’m sure he knows the details of the situation through his friend who was there. It’s also expected that his friend would have no problem talking to you because he’s not really involved and the drama doesn’t affect him any. When I was just co-workers and friends with my ex, it was easy to talk to her not as awkward. It was only after she started to like me and put all this pressure on me that I started to distance myself.

I know how it feels though to really like someone and them not having a clue though. It sucks but sometimes you just have to move on. Sounds like your chance with this guy is blown, at least for now. I would forget about him and be aware of other possibilities. Maybe in a few years you’ll each have a couple relationships under your belt and that drama will have blown over and you’ll get another chance. You both might be more comfortable and mature and sparks could fly and you’ll both laugh over the silly pressure and chalk it up to teenage angst.

[Hidden]
Dreamer (25) (@heartbeat) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@versai, yeah both his friend and he were at the drama, but his friend acts normal around me, only he is the one acting weird and making me feel all weird while i dont feel like i deserve it, anyway you are probably right i should just let it go, i dont think its ever going to get normal again..and if it would i dont know if i would be able to forgive him for feeling ashamed only because i tried to get to know him in admitted the most awkward way, but at least i tried..

but he doesnt know the drama was because of him, his friend also doesnt know, i am the only one who knows it and people here, i dont think he would understand it anyway..

[Hidden]
Viewing 14 reply threads
load more