I’d submit it as a picture, but it’s a little big for HE and I know not everyone cares for the right click —> view image action. Besides, this way we can get a discussion going about love and the types of love that exist
@kidd, Very informative and aesthetically appealing. Thanks for sharing Kidd! I, personally, feel that polyamorous relations are the ideal. I say this because any movement away from dogmatic influence (I’m mainly speaking of Christianity here) seems to be the most sensible approach. The simple fact that a marriage is love based on a contract seems absolutely ridiculous. I’m pretty uninformed on this subject matter and would love some other interpretations. For the only knowledge one possesses is that of which is contrasted with other’s knowledge.
@kidd, Awesome visual! :) I couldn’t agree more. I think monogamy is the brainwashed norm that centers around selfishness, insecurity & jealousy, but don’t think many are willing to admit that or even take it into consideration. Works for some… but I think a lot of people blow off polyamory too quickly. I had a dinner at a polyamorous household last night; it was refreshing to be around people so secure with themselves that they could interact positively with their significant other’s boy/girlfriends. The concept is very foreign & offensive to a lot of people.
I agree with you both completely.
It feels like too many people force themselves into this “ideal” of one true love. I’ve personally never met someone who practices polygamy, but I’d love to. I’d imagine I’d feel awkward at first, lol, but I also think I’d adjust rather quickly. @emily, did you learn anything interesting having dinner in a polyamorous setting?
Is polygamy something anyone on HE practices? Personally, I’m yet to be anything but single so I don’t have much experience with the topic.
the ideal for me would be monogomous. however i understand that it is not for everyone. human societies have had different needs throughout time, and i think that is reflected in the wide variety of sexual/intrapersonal relations seen today.
my personal preference probably has to do with my upbringing, but also comes from the belief of a “soul mate”. maybe not a predestined one, but i guess i like the idea of two serparated, becoming one. yin and yang, if you will. I understand that it is not without sacrifice, but neither are any of the others.
I find myself stuck in the monogamous mindset. My girlfriend has said she has no problem with me being with other girls because she doesn’t think I would let it affect the relationship me and her have. But when my mind wonders to other women I find I think it would hurt her and I don’t do it.
@kidd, I’m surprised you’d be okay with polygamy.
I only say this because polygamy seems very one sided. That is, the male gets to have multiple partners. Now, I could see this being okay if the wife/wifes are bi, then it would just be like one big happy group of people that love each other.
What I’ve found most appealing is to have an open relationship with just the two people.
What this does is makes it so you can have a deeper connection with one person, but it doesn’t limit either person sexually. This keeps both people more sexually active, which makes both people want sex more, and keeps both people satisfied.
This is especially important for situation’s such as if you were to have kids. That way those kids are used to a specific set of (2) parents.
@travisad, Polygamy doesn’t only mean a male with multiple female partners. It could be the other way around or completely homosexual. Polygamy is just a broad term for multiple partners. It allows for not only multiple sexual connections, but emotional and intellectual and whatever other connections are out there.
As for children, with love and care, they can grow up healthily no matter what sort of relationships their parents have. “Think of a children” is just an argument I hear too often against LGBT rights, as if having two mommies or two daddies is inherently bad for them. Children can grow up perfectly adjusted no matter what the family is like so long as the parents care enough.
That all being said, I do personally prefer monogamy; I can’t imagine myself in a relationship with any more than one person but I’m also a very introverted person who’s hard enough to get to know one-on-one. Bringing in a third wheel would most likely scare me off, nor do I desire sex enough to bother with open relationships. So, I see where you’re coming from, but I think it’s important to be tolerant of other relationships so long as they’re between consensual adults.
@kidd, i used to have an open marriage, it was fine for a while, but when we decided to try to have a kid we ended the open part. It fucks with your mind too much wondering who’s kid it really is. Also, a lot of people don’t understand, we had a few cases of people sticking their nose in our business trying to warn the other partner. Depending on what kind of environment you work/live in this can be bad for your reputation, as if that matters. I’d say the only downfall of it was the lack of understanding of other people. The other partners you bring in outside the marriage need to be very understanding and discreet. You need to be able to fully trust them, it can be hard to find friends of this sort. Just some things to consider.
@simple7enigma, I find your statement really entertaining. I really don’t believe there are so many amazing people, if there were, there would be no problems with relationships.
It’s really interesting to analyze a person who is against monogamy stating that… all people are amazing and we should love everyone! People suck tremendously. I always thought it was the complete opposite by the way, that not being monogamous is going to be because you’ll hate to be with just one “amazing person”, because it won’t be enough for you. I still do.
Kids need a father and a mother figure in order to grow and learn about social norms. If there are no social norms in a family, then they shouldn’t be wondering why their relationships will suck. Also, having in mind that people usually want what they cannot have, a polyamorous person would love to fuck a monogamous one. Yeheeey! Is someone offended?
@kidd, Thanks for broadening my understanding of the term.
Just so you know I wasn’t trying to say anything bad about that type of a relationship. Nor was I trying to say that it would be bad to have that with a kid.
I meant it more along the lines as in my personal experiences it’s better for the child to have two parents and only two parents. That doesn’t mean one male one female, that just means two. :3
A lot of kids that I know that came from a polygamy family really resented that type of life style. Most of them had the issue where they had multiple moms and the one dad. This is all I was commenting on as it’s all I’ve ever seen or personally dealt with.
@forover100years, I understand issues like that and can see why you would stop. I am going to look into seeing how much it would be to store some of my little swimmers and then get my tubes tied. That way I won’t have to worry about pregnancy in any way, except for when I want to get my wife (I won’t have kids till I’m married) pregnant.
@Everyone-else, One specific type of relationship won’t work for everyone. There are those who can’t do anything besides monogamy, there are those that can’t do anything besides open/swinger relationships, there are those that can only do multiple partner closed relationships (like manaja twa’s [or however you spell it])
Really it’s just finding what works for you and then finding someone else with those same views ^_^
@travisad, I have to question you as to why you think only two parents is best?
Do you have any experience with multiple parental figues?
I ask because any knowledge one possess is that of which is contrasted with others. The more view points to contrast with the more knowledge there is at your disposal. It also seems rather fundamental that any number more than two would provide a better perspective on which to base parental decisions on. Furthermore, an increase in income to provide support. I feel that this arrangement can only fail if the members making up the partnership are incommensurable.
You speak of being so fond of a deeper connection with your partner, but isn’t it a little contradictory to choose artificial insemination over making love at the during the actual moment of conception?
@infiniteneil, I disagree, “We’ve got the idea that ‘No, I’m something IN this body.’ The ego. That’s a joke. The ego is nothing other than the focus of conscious attention. It’s like the radar on a ship. The radar on a ship is a troubleshooter. Is there anything in the way? And conscious attention is a designed function of the brain to scan the environment, like a radar does, and note for any troublemaking changes. But if you identify yourself with your troubleshooter, then naturally you define yourself as being in a perpetual state of anxiety”
– A. Watts
@travisad, Not criticizing, but my friend has 4 parents, 2 lesbian moms and 2 gay dads. One of her moms and one of her dads are the biological parents (artificial insemination), but they are all her parental figures and raised her as their own child. I’d argue that’s better than 2! :)
@alanwatts The reason I said the relationship between you and yourself is most important is because how you treat yourself is reflected outside by those around you meaning the better the relationship your mind has with your body, the better your relationship with others will be. I monitor how I am behaving towards myself but do not live in a perpetual state of anxiety, I rather strive to be in a state of awareness which is living in the present and using your consciousness to wisely adapt to any situation and enjoy life. I use my consciousness or awareness to look over myself as if I’m monitoring myself in third person to observe what my mind and body is doing. In reality, ‘I am Everything’ but most of us are stuck on the ‘I’ (aka ego part), and not realizing the oneness and that we are apart of everything all the time, and everything around us is our reflection (the closer to us something is, the more strongly it is our reflection). Let me know if you have questions or don’t understand what I’m saying.
I gotta say, I am very envious of people who are able to have open relationships, as it seems that it requires a specific type of person, also leading to a happier relationship.
But, personally, there’s no way I could do it. If that’s considered a weakness then I would have to accept that. But having had very intense and passionate sex with with someone whom I loved, the thought of her having that with someone else would absolutely destroy me.
As I said, if that says more about me than anything, then so be it! I wish I could be more diplomatic about it, because I actually do see and understand the benefits of being in an open-relationship, but I think part of me has become too conditioned to that dated belief.
@alanwatts, Hello. :3
Unfortunately I do not. The only experience I’ve had are speaking with those children from polygamy families and how they are so against it. It could very well explain why I have such a closed perspective on it. I love hearing about other situations that work for people though as it broadens my understanding and perspective.
As for the deeper connection, in comparison to the artificial insemination, I have to admit that wouldn’t feel as though it’s as deep of a connection in the process of making the child. However, to be able to say to someone that they mean everything to me, so much that I would have them bear my child.. That seems to me like it would show my love and compassion for that other person. There are many many many (many) benefits from an open relationship. Including, but not limited to, more sex. More sex = healthier couples.
Some may argue that because you’re giving sex away to so many people it wouldn’t be very personal with the one you love. However, for those who can do it, sex doesn’t mean a deeper connection. It essentially just means fun. The mental connection you get with a partner, as well as other connections, are what make the relationship click on a deeper level. Not to mention when you’re F***ing your partner, you aren’t just F***ing, you’re ‘making love.’ (Yes, you can distinguish between the two in your own brain)
@zozozo, That is amazing. I would like to hear more about that type of relationship if you ever have time. I haven’t really been able to speak with anyone that has experienced that type of a relationship, or be around that type of a relationship.
Right off the top of my head the biggest benefit I could see from this is that the children will always have someone’s undivided attention. This would be super beneficial to the child in their younger years where they constantly need someone’s attention. ( wither that’s a parent, guardian, grandparent, or babysitter)
@staylucky, There is no weakness as not being able to have an open relationship. A lot of people can’t do it. The main reason is because of the stipulations that are placed on sex. The fact that there is (almost) nothing worse you could do to your partner.
It’s not easy to pull away from the norm. To be honest, I wouldn’t be this way if I hadn’t been cheated on so much in the past. There was a part of me that seems to have broken or changed, to better the situations I was encountering. I figured that lying was the thing that hurt me the most. Therefore, as long as my partner told me they were doing something with someone else I don’t care anymore.
At first I had the same reaction you probably do reading that. (Poor guy..) but then I started to realize all the benefits from it. I started to realize how much of a better life I could have from this one aspect being open. Me and my partner will stay healthier longer, both stay active, both have active sex lives (which makes the personal 1 on 1 sex lives more active too), and all the other benefits from actual sex that play a factor as well. :3
It’s not for everyone, so don’t belittle yourself because you don’t, or can’t, live a certain way. You’re perfect the way you are :) Don’t ever forget that.
@travisad In my opinion, it’s an awesome read. I read some of your previous posts in this discussion so I really think you would like it. I was hooked on it for the week it took me to read, and I’m usually a slower reader.
The book talks a lot about how human beings have evolved to be very much anything but monogamous. It shows a lot of evidence from past societies, human anatomy, some current societies, and also the failure rate of monogamy in this country. It also discusses many concepts other than sex. Enjoy!
@jayde Why don’t you search for a little older than 8 month post by me? You may find your answers. Although this topic is interesting to a degree, I find it less interesting when it’s a fix idea. And I don’t belittle everyone I come in contact with, only people that exaggerate. :D