"Hitting" on women?
First off, i don’t know why they’d call it “hitting” when you’re “courting”.
Why is it that men feel the need to “holler” at women instead of simply going up to them and telling them how beautiful they are? In your defense, I will say, that a lot of girls automatically think that any guy saying hello is just trying to get in their pants. But, in our defense, can you blame us??
whenever a guy hits on me, i get all this stupid talk about how “fine” i look, and “do you got a man?” what else am i supposed to think? As a man, why can’t you understand that women don’t want someone who will try to talk to you with all of this LAME game, then move on to the next without a thought!
why don’t guys realize that the only way yo get a woman is to make her feel like she’s the only one you want.. and MEAN IT! instead of..really just trying to get in her pants?? come on.
Maybe because men can’t be sure you’re the only one they want, until they see if it works out because they don’t trust you fully and you’re already complicating everything by thinking about putting him in chains in your futuristic dream-mind?
I’m kidding. Most men are stupider than that.
@ellesoul, The best kind of love, is that which comes naturally. =)
If you’re working at all FOR a relationship, you’re essentially writing its death sentence.
Be receptive to others so long as they are respectful and, (to a bit of a lesser extent), interesting.
@ellesoul, All guys are living at different periods of their life. Some just want sex, some just want love, and some want someone to just be there for them. Same for women.
But, if a guy only wanted sex from a girl, how does he communicate that? What’s wrong with hollering? Would you be happy if he manipulated you into thinking he had feelings for you so he could get some action and THEN dump you? At least some people are honest with what they want and don’t resort to cruel ways to get it.
@ellesoul, I was actually thinking about the opposite side of your question today while in class. Why do women want men show commitment to a relationship before they even have sex? I feel like it must stem from fear and insecurities. Maybe a fear of abandonment, or inferiority. Maybe it is a defense mechanism since women can get pregnant, and historically life for bastardized families has been very hard.
I have never talked to a man that I felt honestly only wanted one woman. I doubt that there are any women that sincerely only want one man. You can hold it against me if you wish but i wouldnt make an emotional investment in a woman that I havent had sex with. Thats just the way I am. A healthy happy sex life is very important to me in relationships. If I don’t feel that you could cut it I will immediately lose interest.
@bobbylloydxd, I disagree that it stems for fear and insecurities, I think that a girl who cares about her mind and body wants to feel a sense of trust with their partner. I also think that its way harder to orgasm and enjoy sex without an emotional connection with the person, maybe not a serious relationship but some understanding.
@beyond, That wasn’t very funny but god damn you have a point.
But still, OP has a point, too.
@ellesoul, Here, take some advice from a guy who treats women like a mirror of himself.
Berate the men who approach you in the manner you have described and the legitimate guys will be helplessly attracted. Carry yourself as an unavailable flirt with real standards.
Personally, one of my worst fears is being involved with a girl who is only surface deep in her convictions: an actor. These girls are on par with heroin junkies in regard to character. They are the destroyers of men. True succubi. Good thing my dick has evolved this thing where these chicks kill my erection.
@audreyangeloni, So what would happen if the guy that you have established an emotional connection with turns out to have terrible erectile disfunction and cant sleep with you at all? Or if he just has really low confidence and is no fun in bed? Then you are in a pickle where you have to either deal with a shitty sex life, or find a way to let this nice person that you care about go because they cannot satisfy you. I would rather do it my way.
So my question to you is why would a woman that cares about her mind and body need that trust from who they choose to sleep with? Your statement didn’t really disprove my insecurities hypothesis at all. Why are sex and relationships so entwined for so many people?
I’m gunna jump in on this one by saying I hate the whole introduction process when it comes to meeting pretty girls. The way I see it is like, I know you can’t really judge a person by how they look, I mean judge them completely, but for me, if I see a girl the first thing I think of is “how open minded is she?” or “does she look like shes one of societies pets”, I guess would be as good a way to put it into words as any. But that’s just because I’m single and I want a girlfriend that would be someone that would use websites like these, or at least have ideas like the people on here do. Unfortunately I’m looking for a real connection in a relationship. So I’ll probably be a virgin forever.
It’s unfair really to try and judge whether or not I want to get to know if the only thing I have to go by is your physical appearance. Plus, girls that are hot, know their hot. They’ve been told a million times. I don’t buy the whole “Come up to me and tell me I’m beautiful” thing, I feel like that also falls under the category of “I bet he’s just trying to fuck me”.
tl;dr, I don’t know what to think or what to say when confronted with new females.
@ellesoul, these men seem like idiots. Even though it seems to work in movies, I have never once heard of a case of this working in real life, nor have I ever tried it, because it seems nonsensical and cheesy.
Hitting on women doesn’t seem to work….the only true pull seems to be having a life.
If I started fooling around with a guy I had a connection with and it turned out he couldn’t have sex I probably wouldn’t continue to pursue a relationship.
BUT.. I think that sex and relationships are so intertwined because when you can have both the emotional and physical connections you feel very close to that person. And I think it makes sex more intense and passionate.
Would you want to sleep with someone that you know is sleeping around? How could you know that they wouldn’t bring an STD into the situation?
I need trust with a guy to know that he isn’t going to give me an STD
But also I can’t orgasm if I don’t feel a certain level of trust and understanding with a person. I don’t have to be in a serious committed relationship with them but the cards need to be on the table so that both people know what the other one is expecting from the situation.
@bobbylloydxd, why would you only base a commitment off of sex? sex is literally like 5% of a relationship. what about someone who is smart.. or has a goal? what a bout a girl who has a good job and is independent? for you to say you wouldn’t make a commitment without having sex first is ignorant, because relationships aren’t based on that. what if the sex is great and she’s a complete bitch? “at least she’s hot…” okay?
I always refereed to it as wooing a woman I want to have an intimate relationship with. “Hitting on” women always sounded dirty to me and I honestly never thought of calling it “courting”. Wooing sounds much more gentlemanly to me, and I consider myself a gentleman.
@ellesoul, I feel this cuts both ways. When I woo women (and I don’t do this often), I don’t think I come across as someone only looking for sex. This is because I have two sides of my love personality. One is my sex drive and the other is my romantic side. My sex drive is fairly pervasive, but I value my romantic side more. I actually once meet a young woman on a online dating service, and not only did we never really get intimate, but we have remained platonic friends for years.
I’m quickly losing my train of thought, so I’ll quit here.
@ellesoul, It’s not ignorant. You saying that to me is a display of ignorance. I have a large number of relationships with people that I don’t have sex with. They’re called friends, if there is an awesome girl that I am not into sexually I will be her friend.
I didn’t say that I would only base it off sex, just that sex is a requirement. There are way more requirements than just that. Luckily for me there are no shortage of women on the world, allowing me to be as picky as I want.
@ellesoul, “First off, i don’t know why they’d call it “hitting” when you’re “courting”.
Why is it that men feel the need to “holler” at women instead of simply going up to them and telling them how beautiful they are? In your defense, I will say, that a lot of girls automatically think that any guy saying hello is just trying to get in their pants. But, in our defense, can you blame us??”
Why do they call it “dating” when you’re “romancing” eachother? Why do they call it “having sex” when you’re “making sweet fuck?”
They’re just words, girl, they have no meaning. They’re just noises we make, any meaning is attached to it.
Whether you say “courting the ladies” or “mackin the hoes” or “soppetybopping the snippysnoops” it means the same thing. (Yes, my friends and I actually use the latter one to refer to this stuff.)
Why do men feel the need to “holler” at women? They DON’T. Only boys do, and they only feel that “need” because they’re fucking dumb. And because that’s what society tells them to do, and they’re too damn stupid to listen to reason. That’s why.
I don’t blame you at all for assuming that guys want to get in your pants. Most of the time, it’s probably true. And it’s probably good for your self-esteem to think like that.
But if you don’t want guys to get in your pants, why do you assume such things? Really, assumptions tend to create outcome, always assume the outcome you want and never the one you don’t want.
“whenever a guy hits on me, i get all this stupid talk about how “fine” i look, and “do you got a man?” what else am i supposed to think? As a man, why can’t you understand that women don’t want someone who will try to talk to you with all of this LAME game, then move on to the next without a thought!”
“You look fine” means the exact same thing as “you’re beautiful,” you said earlier that you wanted guys to go say how beautiful the girl is. This is confusing.
Boys not understanding that (sane) women don’t fall for that lame “game” shit, is like I earlier said, because they’re fucking dumb and listen to what idiots try to “teach them.”
As for the part about girls not wanting the guy who’ll just go to the next woman, that’s simply not true. That’s usually how I go about things, if I lose interest I go chill with someone else, and the funny part is that most of the time the earlier girl gets all clingy on me. It doesn’t matter whether she’s the only one for him or just one of many, if she’s attracted she’s attracted and she will want him. This is easily observable just about everywhere.
You want to be the only one for a guy? Then you gotta try harder, because really, what do you have that other girls don’t? Hmm? What makes you so special? Why would you be the only one for a man?
“why don’t guys realize that the only way yo get a woman is to make her feel like she’s the only one you want.. and MEAN IT! instead of..really just trying to get in her pants?? come on.”
Because it’s not the only way. It’s not even a good way.
Generally, girls lose interest if a guy is sold on her. Guys lose interest if a girl is sold on him. Nobody wants what’s thrown at them or just laying on the ground, they want what they can barely reach. That’s a psychological FACT:
And “getting the girl” implies that she isn’t really attracted. If she’s actually attracted, he isn’t “getting” her. That’s just a plain stupid notion.
If she’s already sold on him then by all means, she’ll go crazy in love if he shows her that she’s the only one for him.
But if a guy comes up to some girl who isn’t interested and tells her she’s the only one for him, she’ll just FIND HIM PATHETIC. Because he most likely is. It’s biological response, women’s sexual instincts are made to seek out the quality men and weed out the weaklings.
But here’s the funny part, if said pathetic guy didn’t care about her, she’d be all “What’s this? He doesn’t put me on the pedestal? That must mean he’s cooler than me, now I want him.”
And then SHE is the pathetic stupid horny fool, just like the guy was in the previous examples.
What am I saying with this? You girls do the exact same shit that the boys do. It takes two to tango!
And nobody will consider you the only one unless you actually stand out above the other women. (Or if the guy is desperate and you’re the only one who wouldn’t reject him, but you wouldn’t want that would you?)
Ignore the stupid boys, focus on getting the guys you actually want. And most importantly, have FUN!
@audreyangeloni, yeah I havent really slept around for a few years ever since an STD scare.
I relate to your reasoning much more than the OPs. It’s crazy how much more complicated women’s orgasms are then men’s. Every woman I’ve been with likes or needs something different. That’s why communication is so important though.
I was just saying that I am pretty hesitant to get wrapped up with someone when im not sure if the sex will be good. I’m extremely picky when it comes to relationships anyways.
@bobbylloydxd, why is sex a requirement for you to know somebody? i feel as though you’re telling me you’re unable to completely fall in love with someone without having sex with them. for you to say you wouldn’t make an emotional investment with a woman you haven’t had sex with… that’s the ignorant part. you should be able to be emotionally invested in a woman without sex.
@ellesoul, You don’t want a fuck buddy, that’s subjective. A guy with self knowledge can pretty much do whatever he wants with a girl, he will just be alone after. It’s a price he pays for having his twisted desires and what knowledge he attained in the first place.
I’m just saying that if a guy only wanted that, he will get that, but it doesn’t let him live a happy life.
Women need to get off their high horse, so to speak. Far far too often I’ll try to initiate a conversation with a lady and even if I’m being polite they willl make the assumption that I have more in mind. It has stopped too many friendships from ever occurring. Open communication and honesty can make the whole affair run that much smoother… If a guy wants to skip a few steps he’ll make it clear, if not then at least hear him out.. maybe he really does just want to be friendly