We all got “Family” – all the descendants of a common ancestor who are or are not in our life.
Today, I bring up this conversation because of the inner struggle I have been facing in the recent 7 months. I’ve been on a spiritual journey ever since 18 years old which has taken me to somewhere that I never have thought I would be before. I moved to another country to continue my studies because “I felt” that was what “I ought” to do.
However, right now I am sitting in my parents home, living in the living room, doing not what I imagined I would be doing. My older brother and father are my boss at work. There is a lot of potential there but I just don’t feel it. I feel like I should be doing something else. Something better something more meaningful. Also, I feel like my older brother treats me like shit. Or maybe I am just jealous of how “successful” he is? lol yeah right!
Anyway, I am starting this discussion to better understand how “you people around the world” deal with family. I am not a religious man, but I know almost all bibles say listen your parents as if I God was your parents. How important do you think this is in your life? Do you run or do you stay? Do you succumb to your older more “experienced loved ones” who say they have been thru everything you already are going thru? Do you allow yourself to feel yourself rotting from the inside out? Or do you punch the “manipulation” in the face and say fuck-off?
What is your go to strategy?
<3 +1 = <4
I’ve been struggling with that situation for a long time myself… Til I was 20 my family was everything for me, they were my guides, my gurus, I admired them and I tried to do as they said cause I actually thought that was the best for me, that’s how’s supposed to be right? However, having no siblings to relate to and living far away from civilization – i live near the mountains in a house with no neighbors my age – I started feeling pretty lonely; College was the best experience for me cause it took me away from home and made me start living on my own and by my own guidance and rules… but depression got in the way and without any warning I was home again cause I couldn’t continue my studies feeling like that. Anyways… that’s when I started to feel distant from my family. First of all they didn’t understand my depression/anxiety disorder so they expected me to be the same person I was years ago, the happy, no worries me, the one that could get everything done and lived by their rules… But that wasn’t me anymore, I started feeling suffocated and every time I tried to say NO to them i would feel guilty, cause I was not used to it.
Years of therapy later I’m starting to learn that communication is always the best choice, I started talking to mom, trying not to lose my nerves, just explaining how she made me feel when she would try to force me to do stuff I was uncomfortable with, and how that made my depression worse…
My relationship with them is still not perfect, but I have definitely learned how to say NO when I have to. You need to learn to live by your own beliefs, you’re your own boss, it’s your life and it wouldn’t be fair of them to tell you how to live it.
I don’t know if that helped at all lol and excuse my English, I’m Spanish therefore it’s not my mother language.