How did you stop giving a s*** about what others think?

 Cosmo (@RickyBillyGary)4 years, 6 months ago

At some point around the age of four I started to really care what others think about me. Like, a lot…. I don’t think I was this way before this point because of stories I have heard and home movies I have seen of me when I was younger. I am 26 now and my self consciousness has made it very hard to try new things and has really held me back in life. Conversations with some of my closest friends and family can sometimes be very uncomfortable for me because I am constantly worried about what they are thinking of every little thing I say. Along with this eye contact can be very hard to maintain. I can have an overall great conversation with someone but if at one point I say something “stupid’, that is all I focus on and this wonderful conversation has gone down as a bad memory causing me to cringe when I think of it. Entire nights have been amazing nights until one awkward moment and the memory of that night becomes tainted. I’m sure there a lot of others out there with this problem and a lot of people out there who have overcome this. I am wondering what helped you get over this the fastest or if there is anything you have heard of working for someone in my position. Any replies would be greatly appreciated by me, and I’m sure by others out there dealing with similar issues. Thank you.

July 8, 2016 at 3:55 am
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 4 years, 6 months ago ago

Hmmmm, well if you can somehow trick yourself into moving on quickly from those awkward moments by refusing to give them any extra thought, you will save yourself a lot of pain and hassle. Those types of things are really only awkward if you make them awkward by focusing on it and clamming up. Just move on. It can really be that easy sometimes.

Also a trick that has helped me so much is the idea of “acting confident to feel confident” meaning that you put forth the vibe and persona of an extremely assertive and self-assured person, which people will treat you as, which validates this image in a positive feedback loop. In essence, you can’t feel confident if you’ve never seen proof that you can be… so do yourself a favor and act like you already are to prove to yourself that it’s possible. 

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Cosmo (1) (@RickyBillyGary) 4 years, 6 months ago ago

Love it. I’ve started doing the first thing you suggested and simply not thining about it so it has no roots in my memory. I need to make a deeper habit though and I will definitely start acting more confident. Fake it until you make it!

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Melina (5) (@Melina) 4 years, 6 months ago ago

Teal Swan on Self-Love: https://youtu.be/eYDPiA3U9-0

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Cosmo (1) (@RickyBillyGary) 4 years, 5 months ago ago

This video really seemed to have very practical advice for how to develop self love. I ordered her book and can’t wait to read it. Thank you so much for this advice!

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berlinrodriguez (0) (@berlinrodriguez) 4 years, 5 months ago ago

A lot of things in my daily life I say “f it” or “f that” and blow it off. With petty, small, insignificant, irrelevant negative things that can be avoided and brushed aside, I do it and I do it quickly. Anything that’s gonna disturb me I usually almost instantly slap it away. Now I am different than you of course. For you it might not be that easy and probably isn’t that simple. The best thing I have learned and taught myself to do is recognize the small petty insignificant irrelevant things that will only disturb you as a person and as a mind and as a soul. Recognize the difference between those things and things that actually matter and need your input or action or opinion. To all the small petty insignificant irrelevant things, recognize it, say “f it” in your head, or “whatever” or “doesn’t matter” and keep walking and continue with that you were doing before that rude interruption.

You can’t just do it right off the bat though. It took me a lot of time and practice to figure it out and make it constant and a way of thinking. It needs work and effort and persistence. But it cancels out all the bullsh*t and unimportant stuff to you in your life. Everyone says “just forget about the bullsh*t and you’ll be so much happier” but they didn’t bother explaining how. Yes it sounds mean and heartless but it doesn’t have to be. Keep your kindness and maintain it, don’t treat the important things in your life like this. I’m saying to treat everything that holds you back this way.

This also subconsciously builds your confidence, believe it or not, and your confidence makes it easier to shut out stupidity knowing you got what it takes to handle the big stuff AND the maturity to know the difference and so something about it actually helps you out. That’s how I go about the stupid stuff in my daily life, and I’ve been happier person since. 

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Niño Domingo (0) (@Nino-Domingo) 4 years, 5 months ago ago

Sometimes out of spite but, that tends to become quite the headache in the long run, I stopped giving a shit about what people think when I noticed the number of people who had nothing to say but bring me down kept increasing. I’ll be honest, I’m a sucker for praises to keep my spirits up in life so, what I did was I just focused on those who encouraged me to keep what i’m doing up without doing anyone wrong except in very rare occasions where “sin” becomes merely a matter of perspective.

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