Is it possible to become one with everyone? More and more I’m beginning to think that I am no one person. I fit in with the really deep-talking poet people, the stoners, the business people, the nerdy people, the law people, the medical people, the theater people, my Asian side, my American side…I’m “extroverted” if you put me with friends and in sports or with old Asians because I’m loud in comparison…I’m “introverted” if you put me within American youths or in places in which I am not familiar. When I am silent and alone in nature, I feel no different from the swaying trees and the birds and dust around me. When I am in the city, I soak in ambition and the traffic of human thoughts. I am somber, I am wise, I am thoughtful, I am crazy, I am light-hearted, I am comedic, but it is all relative and changeable! It is somewhat painful to soak in so many feelings and emotions and modes of being. Is this what becoming one is? The ability to connect with everyone and everything?
My mind constantly struggles to find security in being a static personality, because there is a security in “knowing” who I am. But the answers to “Who am I?” are always confining, and I am unsatisfied with it. To be free, I am practicing letting go. I meditate, chanting over in my head “Let go”. It is unnerving seeing how I can change into so many different people in one day. I fit in everywhere, yet I will never fit in at any one place.
Does anyone understand this paradoxical experience? I am afraid of it, because it feels like I am always on the move, like I am never at home, like I am always traveling within uncertainty, within a fast-moving dream.
I have a similar experience. I think self-definition is necessary. If you are as active as you are imaginative and empathetic with the universe, you will have a grounded sense of self. But boundaries are required to be an individual.
“Is it possible to become one with everyone?”
-In a sense, you already are. We’re all made out of the same stuff, we’re all the same species, we’re all on the same rock, and so on. Doesn’t really mean much though.
Other than that, yeah you could put everyone in a blender and jump in, but that’d just be plain fucked up.
“I fit in with[…]”
-Yeah, that’s nothing special. Just means you’re less boxed-in and more socially fluid than the average person.
“I feel no different from the swaying trees and the birds and dust around me.”
-How could you possibly know how they feel, or if they even do at all?
“But the answers to “Who am I?” are always confining, and I am unsatisfied with it.”
-Different layers. The “I” aka Ego is nothing but a host for whatever expression you like to uphold, it’s a container for thought and behaviour patterns, that’s all it is. Whatever it holds is what you consider your identity, your “static persona.”
But there is nothing static about it, it is in constant change, however it is crucial that the ego convinces itself that it stays the same.
“To be free, I am practicing letting go. I meditate, chanting over in my head “Let go”. It is unnerving seeing how I can change into so many different people in one day.”
-Can’t you see this is just chasing your own tail?
You’re just establishing and reinforcing another pattern, another perspective… it is just as confined as the previous one. You can’t escape yourself, you are what you are.
People think they can set it all free and be peaceful and happy, but it just makes things chaotic and out of phase. Most do the opposite, they think they can establish themselves into some perfectly smooth, comfortable, efficient form and be happy like that… all it does is box them in and wear them out.
It’s all about balance. Establishing a firm, solid yet flexible grounding point, and releasing the rest of yourself into free orbit around it. Flowing like water and wind, yet raging like fire.
People keep winding themselves up with this “you are this and you are not that” and “you are that and not this” nonsense, they’re all wrong. Because you’re all of it, and you’re none of it.