Recently my boyfriend broke up with me after 2 and a half years… I honestly don’t know what to do or what to think. I honestly have no idea if I should feel sadness, hate, regret or depression…. I love the guy and I feel stupid and naive to ever let my feelings get the best of me and fall for someone so quick… He wasn’t a jerk, he encouraged my self esteem, he said he loved me constantly and he was always there for me. He made burdens on him that I didn’t even know to make me happy even though I didn’t ask for it.
He would of done anything for me and I would of done the same…ever relationship argues but this was his first real one and he was so diluted on the negatives that I couldn’t get through him. We started to distance each other during college because our lives just got so much busier… I planned my next semester classes so we wouldn’t have class together and I felt like the time being apart physically might grow our fire emotionally with each other…
We basically spent 24/7 with each other and I felt like he and I wanted space, we waited too long and now it’s over. I really need help trying to get over this because he was my Ken to every Barbie, and in the end I feel like I completely fucked up…help?? :(
@uminumi, Aww, Julea, there’s really nothing I can say that will ease your discomfort right now, but I’m new here, and read your post, and just wanted to send you a virtual hug. It takes very little time at all to weave someone into our daily life, to get used to their energy, their smile, their sense of humour, to even get used to their not-so-awesome bits… after 2.5 years, it will take you some time of getting used to not having his company… give yourself that time and understand that it’s ok to miss him, it’s perfectly normal. You don’t have to get over him right this second, it will take time. Find new things to do… get a new hobby, learn something new, do something creative… keep yourself busy by engaging your brain in something new… the brain just loves to learn and it serves as a wonderful distraction and transition through a heartache, which I assure you, is temporary. Tough, but temporary. If you feel especially down, divert your attention to something else and know that in time, this will get easier and easier. You know, you had a really good thing for a while, and that’s pretty awesome… and you will have it again. Instead of beating yourself up, delve right in and find all the things that you think you could learn from for next time… so instead of piling on the guilt of messing up, you can say… “what did I learn?” and know that you’ll be better armed next time. We are all just learning, you know… you, him, all of us. And maybe wish him love. I know that might sound crazy, but it works, at least for me. When you get that sick feeling, stop… recognize it… and instead, smile and be happy for what you had and wish him all the success in the world… wish him love… be grateful for gift of love that you shared… get on that wave, girl. By sending him love, you will feel love… and it will help you realize that you’re both going to be ok, and that you shared something super special along your journey together. I dunno, just tossing out some ideas that work for me. None of these things will erase the pain, but they do help you get through. Accept what is, my dear, because the longer you hold on to what isn’t… the harder it will be to get out of this tough spot. Good luck to you. Keep your chin up, you’ll be OK. :) Much love. <3
@vonniegirl007, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Even a stranger you made me able to cry of happiness over sadness, I kno it’ll be hard but it’s harder when someone tells you that he isn’t “in love” with you anymore :/ I forgot to mention that and that is what is killing me the most…. But thank you!!! I am very grateful to read your words of wisdom and I also wish the best of luck to you on your travel and troubles and I wish you the best that all good will come to you :) thank you again…..really
@uminumi, PS! I wanted to add one more thing… you know, people grow apart all the time, and it’s inevitable, because we are here to “grow!”… and we don’t always grow in the same direction. We often want to find fault with others or with ourselves because we’re conditioned to think that “blame” or “fault” is always associated with a relationship not working out… and perhaps there are things that you could both learn from, but the truth is, you were both doing your best to balance your relationship and grow as individuals at the same time. You helped one another grow, believe it or not… and you’ll continue to grow, just in different directions, now, and that’s ok… the main thing is that you’re growing! :) I hope this makes sense. Much love.
@uminumi, My pleasure! I’m so glad my words were meaningful for you. :) Hey… wanna know something cool? LOVE is a vibration. When you are “in love”… you’re sharing a vibration. When people fall out of love, all that really means is that they’re no longer on the same “vibe” as you… it has nothing to do with your self worth. He’s moved in a new direction, that’s all… he’s no longer on that mutual “vibe”. That’s ok… that doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love! You ARE love! Put this to the test… if you can muster a smile and genuinely wish him love, or anyone love for that matter… you are raising your vibration to the vibration of love. You can do this in steps if it helps… start with gratitude, then empathy, compassion, joy, fun, then love! Think of things that bring you that feeling of love (I always think of the universe because I associate that with the ultimate feeling of home / love)… get creative. Play with this… I promise you, it helps! And try meditating… lots! :D
@vonniegirl007, thank you again, I can only wish I would of met you in real life as a friend because you seem like queen of advice lol I will come back to this post to see your comments and words of endearment to cheer me up :) thank you the world works in mysterious ways and the world made a good person like you ^_^
I will try to keep my chin up as possible as I can
@uminumi, You must go through the motions of the Rite Of The Breakup in order to proceed with your life.
1. Stalk ex on Facebook and moan, cry, shout at/punch the computer screen.
2. Eat chocolate ice cream out of a gallon tub while watching romantic comedies and/or Disney movies, sobbing at the fact that real guys cant be like the ones in the movies.
3. Come to loathe all men in general, and incessantly carry on about how terrible men are with your friends.
4. Get hammered at a party and consider experimenting with other girls.
5. Back down at the last minute when you come across a lesbian at the party who is actually willing to fool around.
6. Resort to drunk texting your ex.
7. Hook up with random guy.
8. Ignore his following texts/calls.
9. Adopt a cat, begin wearing thick, bulky turtleneck sweaters, start coming to terms with your future of lifelong celibacy.
10. Some guy bumps into you/asks to borrow a pen/forces you to hold an elevator door open. Your eyes meet. Sparks f*cking fly. You accept his invitation to coffee/lunch/dinner.
Rinse and repeat.
@donjaime23, haha thank you for the laugh and to tell me to live my life as a normal college student :) sadly he was the guy in the movies and was the perfect Disney guy :/ I enjoyed the time with him and I don’t know maybe time will tell lol
But to the getting wasted thing I think ill resort to that once I get my mind straight
@uminumi, I’m gonna share my recent experience with a breakup, and how I managed to feel better: I have been dumped by my girlfriend 3 weeks ago. I was with her for ‘only’ a year, but we were together 24/7 and it has been a close, fusional relationship. She dumped me cause she wasn’t attracted to me anymore, she wanted to enjoy her freedom and was feeling ‘trapped’ in a relationship full of complications.
I spent the first week trying to get her back, because she sent me hope. She said if i followed a number of rules and improvements on myself, she would get me back. I went blindly in her direction and played her game, only to find out at the end of the week that she sent me a definite ‘no.’ that i couldn’t negotiate.
The first week after that was tough. I couldn’t stop checking her facebook, couldn’t stop thinking about her, couldn’t sleep. I am a musician and I work at home, but I couldn’t focus on music as i was feeling demotivated.
My first step to healing was to realize that i needed to move on and get back to my work. I have a lot of projects, I am in control of my life, and no one will take this away from me. Still, this wasn’t enough to get her off my mind, but it’s an important first step to reach.
My second step was to stop idealizing her. You may think he was perfect, and I understand why you do that, but try to remember the annoying things. Focus on what didn’t work, and learn something from that.
Still not enough, that’s why my third step was to realize that me too, i needed something else. I remember during my first week post-breakup constantly thinking about the same question ‘Will i ever find someone like her again?’, but to tell the truth it’s a pointless question. Of course i will not find someone like her, and that’s for the best. Life is made from experiences, everyone is different and everyone will open your mind in a different way, you just don’t know it yet.
As of today, I am in peace. I talk to my ex as a friend, and i’m not resentful for that, i don’t have hidden feelings. Yes, we shared something and she still means something to me but we agreed to go our ways and we have a lot of respect for each other. I know I’ll go and build my life as i want it, discover more things, meet new people, be happy.
Life goes on, embrace the amazing person you are and keep your chin up, be grateful for what you shared and go discover something else. Don’t go into another relationship straight away and enjoy your independence for a while, it’s good to be free! Become a better person everyday, spread love everyday, and everything will be fine.
You have nothing to worry about, you will be happy.
@uminumi, Just on the quicks…I feel you girl. It’s a pretty similar situation to mine. We both felt like we needed some space , so we were/are in seperation. Up to this day we haven’t spoke nor seen each other. (it’s been a year). And up to this day I can’t forget nor did I stop loving and caring about him. ( it’s a long story tho). All I can say it that time heals…it really does. It all depends how your life will go too. If you meet some other guy and decide you want to have a relationship , you will forget about your ex right from that moment.
As for me, I am not really able to “run” into another relationship after previous one. So I kinda dwell into memories all the time. But I learned to be okay and not feel sad/depressed anymore (at least as much). All that matters for me is that I carry him in my heart and always will. Maybe in another life we will meet again, as I feel that we made a huge, magical bond that just yells to continue the journey together. Or perhaps our path will still reunite in this lifetime.
Use visualizations…imagination. :)
And if you really care about someone, ask if they would like to stay in your life and tell them you would like them to be in your life. Simple act of compassion.
Whatever is meant to be, will be :)
Hope everything goes well for you. ! Fell free to msg me if you wanna talk or have questions:)
@uminumi, I will admit, I am not the best at consolation – at least I think – but I can share this bit about love with you. It isn’t definitive. It cannot be understood, and it can’t be given a time frame. Even time ITSELF is not definitive, it’s not something we yet understand! LIFE isn’t even fully understandable! Society has taught you that love should last forever, if it is true, but this is just – like most things we conceive – an illusion. We have no clue how long love should last or if being in love is limited to one person, or how long two people in love can last! @vonniegirl007 has given you FANTASTIC advice. Keep love in your heart, and be happy with what you have and what you know have and be open to the idea that love once again will find its way to you. Acceptance is important, be accepting of everything that happens in your life and I assure you things will be easier to handle. “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” Love is universal, it is not limited to anyone one person. We are all connected by it. I apologize if this wasn’t the best at consoling you, but I wish you the best of luck with mending your broken heart. Love and peace.
@uminumi, this may help. i don’t know, but its something i wrote when i went through a breakup.
@uminumi, I am guy who has been a 6 year relationship and a current college student. Please please PLEASE DO NOT do drugs to get over this. no need to get hammered because you are only doing self harm. No need to makeout/hook up with random guys because you are dealing with douches who just want to take advantage of you.
You just need to stay positive and give your guy some space. If he actually loves you, he will come back but YOU SHOULD NOT hope for this. Do not give yourself FALSE hope. Do not do anything stupid to make yourself feel better. You have been brainwashed by the media and shows in today’s age to do this shit. If you do, you are only harming yourself.
Honestly, you can get out of this depression/pain if you REALLY want to. Hangout with new people, make friends. JOIN CLUBS in college. Go to the gym and really take your anger/pain on working out your body! Do everything opposite that you would not do normally (common sense exceptions applied here obviously). Just focus on you! You literally have so much life ahead of you and you cannot get yourself all wrapped up just thinking about that guy. If anything, he doesn’t deserve you and you deserve something better. In the end, whatever happens, happens for a reason. Goodluck!
It’s been a year now. I still think of her every day. My thoughts keep going back and forth on how i should approach her. I know it’s all about acceptance and keep trying to spread love, joy, happiness all the time.
But she was my happyness, literally my sunshine. Now I’m not good enough anymore. So life is now about me searching for a goal/dream in life. I just want her back in my arms…
Five years.. five years and now im empty
@remifasol, thank you for your advice and sharing your experience with me :) I am glad you guys are on a mutual level and talk, thing is I work with him and have 3 college classes with him and winter break could not come any sooner :/
I really hope time does heal but it cant heal if I see him all the time and he’s the one who acts happy around me to help me “cope” its a fake smile he shows me and when someone hides the truth, it hurts more :/ but I am a logical person and I do see that I need to accept it but its normal for me to be in such a state when things just ended so sudden, but I feel like after reading every one of your stories and advice I feel as though….SHIT happens and whether good or bad…it happens and in the end I am the one to look at it and want to change it or not….
I am grateful to read your story and how you got over it and I really appreciate it :) thank you for your help :)
@dida, awww I am sorry for your situation and I feel empathy :/ I think I’d like to take you on that about messaging one another to talk.
I’ve tried to talk to him one on one, I know thats like the number one red card to NOT do, but i felt like we’ve been through so much and 3 days ago he tells me “it’s been building and i feel like im not in love with you like i was before and i FEEL like I’m leading you on” and it hurts to hear those kinds of words from someone you thought that was the complete opposite of the jackasses I have dated. Because I dont hate him, I appreciate the things he did for me at every beck and call but i didnt appreciate that he hid some truths from me and he blew it up in my face with a “i dont want you anymore” sign…im sorry im mumbling with my situation…
but thank you for also sharing your story, thoughts, and words of encouragement, i never really thought that I could really smile right after it happened until I read all of your guy’s posts, ha look at me and look at us. We are strangers to one another and I feel like words from a stranger has been more endearing words I have read in learned in the past 2 and a half years. Thank you for impacting me with your advice and stories. I do believe that time will fix or mend anyways but I know it’ll be hard to accept but I am willing to try :)
@jleebs, thank you for your wishes of peace and dont get yourself wrong but you are very good at consolation and I appreciate your words of wisdom. As I have said I appreciate every single one of your guys just to read my post and give me words of endearment even if you do not know me personally. Your right pain is inevitable and suffering is optional, it may be hard for me to accept this now but I am going to say it so I can come back and read it. “I am not going to let one guy who I thought was part of a huge chunk of my world let me sink, I will not choose to suffer even though it pains me to think of any kind of memory with him, but in the end if he is the one who wont love me as much as I could love him…he doesn’t deserve me :)”
@bigmac22, i just read this poem now and I see that you are quite a poet with your emotions, I see your experience through those hidden words even though you didnt really throw your complete story in!! :) I have read poems in my day written by very well known authors and maaan you are good, I hope you keep up with those kinds of writings because that too has made a smile on my face that i thought would be nearly impossible 3 days ago :) thank you for sharing this with me because if i skimmed the internet, idk if i would be able to find it, maybe on a whim haha but again thank you :)
@boddhi11, thank you for your words of wisdom and advice to not go under the influence to flush away my issues. haha i kind of think its funny since you and i are current college students and usually other college kids will tell me to live it up! haha but I understand your advice and I plan not to be under the influence because if I am my mind won’t be clear, I may think it then but it wont be lol
To do a comparison my 2.5 year relationship does not compare to your 6 year relationship, I mean that’s an extra 3 and a half year roller coaster ride! haha I’m sure everyone has had their complications but I am glad you got over yours with your breakup and hopefully I will too. I am going to take into heart about him not deserving me, because if I do compare that to what he has told me during the breakup, he really should not deserve me. He may be a good quality guy all around but I am a good quality girl all around too! I am wishing that time will heal me but I am glad all of your guy’s words of wisdom have had an impact on me and that impact is for me to think positive and smile! :)
I may say that now with me being cocky from all the advice I had heard, but I am sure I will come back to this discussion to read your stories and realize that eventually I will have the positive realization in my head and move on lol
@adambadaymn, hey look around you, this discussion may be about my issues about my breakup but take the advice given to me at heart too, I am in the state where I can easily tumble down to depression and feel like an empty shell but I read over these words of encouragement over and over again to push me back up…take it into mind that they had experiences just like you and i…
@uminumi, lol, you are welcome, and thank you for the compliment. i honestly try not to take too much credit for my poetry, for reasons explained in the last one i wrote actually. if you want, i’d link you to my page that has it all there. be warned though, not all of them are that good. in my opinion. but then i’m probably my own hardest critic, at this point in my poetry that is.
@uminumi, Sorry for late reply!
Thank you Dear :) And feel free to message me anytime :)
You said…. “I know thats like the number one red card to NOT do” , – said who? ;)
So yesterday I met up with my friend, and believe it or not, 3 of my friends are going through same thing! They say that the feeling they have felt at the begining and through the relationship just fades away and they need space and feel like they need to try something new. (and they have also been in a 3-4 year relationship). I myself, have been noticing ALOT of these kind of situations lately. ALOT of breakups. And not because somene cheated etc. , but because people start feeling like they need space, freedom, experience more and new. You know what I mean? and also I have encounter many open relationships.
So I assume, maybe your your partner feels the same way. And trust me it’s normal. especially in our age..and in a long relationship…when the feeling just simply fades away and since we’re still young , we feel like we want to experience more with other people.
Don’t be sorry :) I’m open to listen :) and it usually feels better after you “get it out” of you.
So how are you at the moment? Has anything changed? I hope everything is going well for you. Stay strong :) Nothing ever goes out of our lives , until it teaches us certain lesson.