How to get over someone who's still your friend

 a5155 (@a5155)7 years, 8 months ago

So, I feel like I can’t really talk to my real-life friends about this anymore (I’ve annoyed them enough with it, and also they don’t know all the details) and therefore resorted to the glorious internet! Anyway, I met this guy last year while abroad and we became really good friends which then evolved in to something more than that. He wasn’t “perfect” (anxiety issues, weed etc) but we connected in a way I’ve never done with anyone else before, and it was the same way for him. Anyway, we only got a few amazing months before we both had to leave and since then I have tried to get over him, because I guess I should, seeing as we probably don’t stand a chance.
The problem now is that we are still talking, he sees me as one of his best friends, and while the easiest thing for me would be to completely cut him out of my life and move on, I feel like I can’t do that to him (and I wouldn’t want to lose him either). Whenever we’re not speaking I’m quite alright, but as soon as he messages me these really sweet messages and wants to Skype etc, I just can’t think straight and it gets me back in to this mindset that we might be able to work out, somehow, one day.
On top of this, he is quite unorganized and sometimes there will be weeks when we don’t speak, or times when we’ve decided to Skype and him forgetting/messing up due to changing time differences etc (most likely also due to his mental state too. I know he truly cares so he’s not just another douche).
So basically, I am stuck between a) feeling like I want to cut all contact with him in order for me to go on with my life, despite feeling like I love him and want to keep him as a friend forever, and b) keep in touch, Skype, maybe buy a plane ticket and go see him, and either try it out to see if there is anyway we could make something work (naive, I know), or just stay close friends.
I guess the best scenario would be c): for me to get over the love-part and just be happy to have him as a friend I talk to occasionally, but can’t rely on – but how on earth would I reach that state of acceptance?
Any help or wise words would be extremely helpful to me right now, because I just don’t know what to do anymore.

September 17, 2013 at 2:29 pm
dreamer (0) (@livenotexist) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I actually am experiencing something extremely similar from the annoyed “real-life friends” to going back and forth between options. First have to stay I haven’t even figured it out yet. Most important question is: Does he know how you feel? And does he feel the same way? @a5155

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Anonymous (291) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

how do you move beyond someone you still love?

you just do.

or grow some balls, buy a fucking plane ticket and go see him.

what in the fuck are you waiting for? gunna linger around forums forever trying to figure out lifes answer?

get out there, sweetheart.

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a5155 (0) (@a5155) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Alright, thanks guys!
@livenotexist, now that you mention it, I’m actually not so sure he knows how I feel NOW, he used to know obviously. I am realizing I kind of can’t be bothered with this anymore though, he is lovely and amazing but I can’t live my life fully if I have to adjust to him all the time. So I think I’ve finally made up my mind, and have to try to move on..
SO now? Well, I’m distracting myself as much as I can, starting with joining OKCupid hahah.. It is quite a good distraction though, so no harm done. I hope everything will work out for you!

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

You distance yourself a bit until you feel emotionally capable of continuing a relationship with this person(whatever that may mean).. and if that day never comes, then you don’t.

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Alex Pretorius (33) (@apretorius1) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@a5155, I would keep your distance for a while, but explain it to him first because it would probably be really hurtful. For me when I become attached to a person and then things don’t work out I know I can’t be friends for a while because I can’t stand having the constant reminder of something that was awesome that I can no longer have. You would mostly likely greatly benefit from cutting off most communication for a while so you can grow as an individual and possibly with other people. Then hopefully you can meet each other again in the future as old friends. Getting over the love part can not and will not happen unless you discover some other worldly power to control your emotions. I see no way out other than cutting off ties or at least severely limit communication at least for a time. Unless you wanna just let love happen and see where the future takes you.

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