How to Have an Awesome Social Life and Attract the Ladies

FindYourGreatness (@jpete011) 8 years, 11 months ago

Us humans are social creatures. We crave attention and interaction on a daily basis from friends and the opposite sex. Without this, we feel alone and worthless. I’d even go as far to say that a great social life and ability to attract quality girls is mandatory to optimize your happiness in life.

In high school I used to have quite a lame social life and had difficulty connecting with people. I couldn’t even build up the courage to talk to cute girls in my classes. I had no self-confidence and I thought everyone else was better than me.
This led to many insecurities and feelings of loneliness. It isn’t surprising that I fell into a depression for a few years in my teens because of this.
Thankfully, after years of persistence and “kicking myself in the butt” I climbed out of my shell and completely transformed myself into the man I wanted to be.

Today and I can happily say that I have a very healthy and rewarding social life. I don’t have overpowering anxieties or insecurities that get the best of me. I even have incredibly positive interactions with strangers wherever I go (including above average attractive ladies who would, no doubt, intimidate the average man). I treat them like my friends who I’ve known for years.

After reflecting on my past experiences, I have come up with 10 essential social tips for you to have fulfilling interactions and attract quality women wherever you go.

Step 1: Understand Yourself

In order to have quality interactions you must first know yourself, inside and out. To do this you must understand your past, where you are at currently and where you are heading in your life’s map.

Life is a journey. Once you know your location, you can plan your life out and act towards your desires.
***HINT: This works 99% better than passively waiting for things to happen.

To fully understand yourself, you must search deep within and decide what you want in life, who you want to be, how you want to treat others, what you value, what morals you stand by, etc.

Without this knowledge of self, you have no character and that means you have no ORIGINALITY.

Everyone loves a person with self knowledge. It makes them mysterious and interesting.

Who doesn’t love an interesting person?

Running into a truly original character can be absorbing. Think about the time you met someone who was completely different than anyone you have ever met. It felt like a breath of fresh air and really captivated your attention, right?

Move to your own beat. Be original.

Lastly, DO IT FOR YOURSELF.

Don’t do something for the approval of others. This will hurt yourself and people will lose respect for you because of it.

***Read this great article about where you get your self validation: http://postmasculine.com/validation

Step 2: Understand your ego

Hone the ability to detach yourself from your habits, emotions, judgements and opinions so that you don’t feel attacked or offended every time someone disagrees with you.

Also, be forgiving towards others and don’t project yourself onto them. Understand that whenever you despise a quality in someone, it is only a quality that you despise in YOURSELF. They are just reminding you of that.

As they say, “People are mirrors.”

Forgive people for their weaknesses. They are humans, just like you and me, and humans are far from perfect. We all make mistakes, so we shouldn’t be so critical of each other.

Imperfection is our nature. Accept your weaknesses instead of resisting them.

Step 3: Focus ALL of Your attention

To be a social badass you must be able to focus all your attention on the person you are interacting with.

Not just some of your brain power. ALL of it.

Have you ever been deep in conversation with someone, and all of the sudden they got distracted and looked at their phone. Did that KILL the moment you were having? Was the connection lost? Did it take a while for you to get the conversation flowing again, if you were even able to do that?

I bet so.

This is what happens when the focus is lost in the interaction. It is like a circuit (for all you science geeks out there) that gets short circuited. One moment the electrons are flowing through the wire, the next moment they are all stopped and the connection is lost.

Don’t let this happen to your interactions. Respect the person you are talking with and give them your undivided attention. You will enjoy the interaction more, and they will LOVE you for the attention you give them.

Now, how can you get better at focusing your attention?

Meditation.

In meditation you will learn how to focus your attention and improve your awareness, and finally your presence.

This may seem like obvious information and you may be thinking, “yes, Jack, I know how to focus my attention. That’s what I have a brain for.”

Okay, I understand.

BUT I have to emphasize how much BETTER you can get at focusing your attention, and how much of an impact this can have in EVERY area of your life.
Seriously. Don’t take this for granted.

Here, try out this simple guide to beginners meditation and try it out for a week: http://theconsciouslife.com/how-to-meditate-a-guide-for-beginners.htm

How does focusing your attention relate to your success in social settings?

It will give you incredible presence and people will be captivated by you if done correctly. Have you ever been at a party and observed a bold person enter the room, and the entire dynamic of the room changed? Maybe he or she captivated the room like a bold performer on stage?

That is the type of power you can have with the skill of presence. People notice this because it is the essence of being alive, and everyone wants to feel as alive as possible.

Step 4: Have a Killer Attitude

Attitude is everything.

Learn the skill of being grateful. Instead of complaining about things, wishing you were better at something or thinking negatively in any way, shape or form, start being positive. Start focusing on the things you have and be grateful for them.

Your life isn’t that difficult. Things could be much, MUCH worse. Just watch the news and learn about the civil war going on in Syria. Be thankful that you are not enveloped in the chaos.

Or you could be fighting in Afghanistan and walking through the desert with heavy equipment in scorching 130 degree weather. Does that sound like fun? Would you rather be there than where you are right now?

Take a minute and think about it. Visualize it and imagine the men who are over there sacrificing their lives for their country.

Yeah, that’s what I thought. You don’t really have it that bad.

***

Treat everyone with love. Smile at people.

“One people. One world. One love.”

We are all one people. We came from the same place. We have the same needs and desires: Love, tenderness and affection. We all know what is right and what is wrong. What is joyful and what is painful. We’re all on this journey together and we need one another. It’s time we started showing this undeniable truth more to the ones around us.

Treat the gas station clerk like you would the hot model at the club. Talk to the janitor at school as you would your best friend.

Love everyone.

Step 5: Hone your skills

Be a great listener.

When people talk to you, actually listen to what they are saying (this goes back to focus in step 3). Observe their body language, tone and facial expressions as well. Take it all in.

This may seem ridiculous because you probably think you are a great listener already.
But you’d be surprised how much better your interactions would go if you improved this skill.

Listening means to be engaged fully when someone speaks to you. Pay attention to every word they say, instead of thinking of what you are going to say next or getting distracted by a cute girl who walks by.

Repeat back to them what they said or ask them questions about the topic of conversation to show them that you were listening. They will appreciate this. Trust me.

Another tip:
Don’t agree or disagree.

When personal egos get involved in a conversation and the positive interaction turns into an argument, the good vibes between you will vanish. Nothing good usually comes from emotional arguments in the end. Unless it is a completely respectful and objective debate, I’d recommend refraining from expressing strong opinions until you get to know the person better.

So the next time someone says something and you feel that urge to ATTACK, take a second, stop yourself and just keep listening. Don’t agree or disagree with them. Say, “that’s an interesting view” or “I see your point of view” or “Thank you for sharing” and THEN go on to say your point of view. This way you don’t risk any hurt feelings.

Try to make people smile and laugh.

This tip is extremely effective. I’ve noticed that in order to make someone smile, you have to smile or show them the same or more positive energy.
Every time you do this, it will make you as well as them happy because sharing a smile or laugh is always a win/win situation.

Learn the art of body language.

Most people don’t realize that body language, expression and tone of voice are 93% of interaction. This means that what you actually say are only 7% of your communication. You can say one thing and be communicating something totally different.

For example, think about how many times you were having a terrible day and told everyone that you were “good” or “just fine” when they asked you how your day was. If you think about it, those responses were complete lies. You weren’t having a good day at all and you were not feeling “just fine.” Most likely your body language, expression and tone were communicating this.

Eliminate small talk.

No one likes small talk. It is fake, overly used and kills the quality of interactions.
Next time someone asks you how your day was, respond with something original and new instead of “Good” or “Same old same old.”

Have fun with it.

Step 6: Be Excited with Fear instead of Jailed

Fear is something that holds many of us back when we want something. In most cases in the modern world, it is completely pointless.

Unless the emotional response is pumping us with adrenaline when we’re about to get hit by a car, it doesn’t serve us a useful purpose.

So instead of letting fear control you, take control of it and reclaim the steering wheel of your life.

When you want to do something and find yourself afraid. DO IT ANYWAYS.

You might be trembling. You may be so foggy headed that you can’t even see straight, but go do it. Put one foot in front of the other. I PROMISE you that you will feel better afterwards. In fact, I guarantee it.

Embrace the uncomfortable. Know that it will only help you grow and make you stronger on the other side.

Take Tim Ferriss for an example. He is a highly successful entrepreneur who spends his life traveling the world and writing. As far as I’m concerned he lives pretty darn close to the “dream life” and I sometimes aspire to live a lifestyle like his.

He has a quote on his desk that he lives by: “Do one thing that scares you everyday.”

Think about how much more interesting your days would be if you applied this to your life.

Being scared of doing something means that you are not initially comfortable with it. But going after it anyways will always make you a stronger person on the other side.

Step 7: Go after what you want. Act, act, and act

Do you want something really bad but don’t know how to get it. Or maybe you already gave up because you concluded that it is unrealistic or impossible.

Here’s a simple tip to get ANYTHING you want: Take action.

Do something everyday that gets you closer to it. Keep going and DO NOT GIVE UP. That’s it. You will get it eventually. Guaranteed.

As Michael Jordan said, “I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”

So do what Michael Jordan did and keep trying, and trying and trying until you get there. It is THAT simple.

You might say, “Haha well, Jack, that is Michael Jordan the most talented basketball player in NBA history. He was naturally talented and born that way.”

Well excuse my french but I call bullshit on that. Watch this film if you’d like to learn more about his general attitude, where he started out and how he became arguably the best NBA player in history: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfvuF5qf9v0

Find a mission to work on in your life. Find what makes you happy. Work on personal goals and go towards your desires. This will allow you to express yourself fully instead of holding back your dreams and desires.
Doing this will make you a more confident person and this positive energy will carry into your interactions. Not to mention it will make you more attractive to the ladies as they will sense your heightened masculinity.

Exude confidence and love into the world through your actions. As David Deida says in The Way of the Superior Man, “Lean just beyond your edge.” Find the boundary of your comfort zone and push just beyond it. Keep going, and keep acting. Eventually, with practice, this will become a way of life for you.

Step 8: Have as Much Fun as Possible

Whenever you go out to socialize focus on one thing and one thing only: Have as much fun as you possibly can.

Do not focus on the outcome of the night (i.e. getting a cute girl’s number, getting laid or impressing people), just focus on what YOU can control: Your own actions.

When you focus on outcomes you are not being present. When you are analyzing a conversation while talking to someone, the person will notice and you will lose the connection.

If you focus on having the best time out of anyone else, people will be drawn to you like a magnet. You WILL attract just about every woman there as well. They will not be able to help themselves.

Everyone wants to have a great time and feel as alive as possible. If you are having fun and expressing that into the social environment, people will feed off of your energy and enjoy themselves more as well.
It is a gift to them as well as yourself.

Keep acting positively and people will react positively to you.

Step 9: Surround Yourself with GREAT people

This is one of the most important steps, hands down. Surrounding yourself with remarkable people is mandatory if you want to be your best self and live the life you always dreamed of.

Be selective. Choose friends who challenge you and push you to be better.

Find people with similar drives and desires that you have. People who you admire and aspire to be like.

Seek out these types of people.

How do you do this? Start observing the people around you. Once you notice someone who you are impressed by, go up and introduce yourself. Start a conversation with them, even if you are afraid (see step 6). 99% of the time people are friendly and will enjoy meeting you if you just go up and say hi.

If you think that you don’t have much to offer them, try to figure out a way that you can help THEM.
Maybe in the initial conversation, you learn that they are working on a startup business. Ask them more about it and offer them as much useful advice or opinions as you can.

Put yourself in their shoes and genuinely care about them.

Step 10: Create Your Own Social Circle

Instead of waiting for activities and events to come your way, create your own. Organize events and bring people together.

In western society people are becoming more closed off and alone than ever before. We go from our closed houses, into our cars, and into our offices. We don’t intermingle much with each other unless we are out at social events (and lets be honest, most people only socialize once or twice a week).

What we don’t have is COMMUNITY. We are missing closely knit groups of people (“tribes”).

Remember that humans are social creatures and we need attention, love and affection. We cannot get through this life alone and we need people to lean on when we are weak and visa-versa.

So instead of going along with western society and being lonely and fearful, go out, take action and make your own social circle (if you don’t have one already).

How exactly do you do this?

Start an event, invite all the friends you have and bring them together. Organize a Karaoke night, a party at your place, a board game night, a frisbee game at the park, anything!

Ask the contacts you know to invite their friends. Do this on a regular basis (every few weeks or so) and before you know it you will have a close group of friends.

Remember to care for your social circle and focus on the relationships that lift you up (see step 8). Decrease your communication with the people who bring you down or stress you out. Refrain from inviting them to you social activities. You’ll be much better off in the end.

You will be amazed with how fulfilling it is to have a tribe of your own.

Lastly,
BONUS Tip: Value Your Relationships

Don’t take your relationships for granted. Consider them the most important part of your life, besides your own needs. If a friend asks you for help when you were planning on watching your favorite TV show, go help them. Put the TV show off for another time, record it on DVR and go help your friend. If your neighbor says hi but you are in a hurry, take 30 seconds to say hi and ask how they are doing. That wouldn’t kill you would it?

Now go on, get out there and be the social badass that you were always meant to be. The world awaits you.

February 6, 2013 at 7:50 pm
FindYourGreatness (345)C (@jpete011) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist, First off, I didn’t initially include anything about attraction in this post. The only reason i added that was for marketing purposes. I should have left that part out when I posted it for you high conscious HEthens, because it wasn’t the point of this article and you guys noticed that out already ;)


“The real question is are masculine and feminine roles purely constructs of our society? Are they ingrained in us, and thus accepted as norms?”

Now that you brought it up, yes, I would say they are ingrained in us for the most part. Millions of years of evolution has programmed us that way.

I can imagine for most of our existence on earth, the men’s “roles” were mainly to hunt and protect the women and children. You can see this with how we are biologically designed. Men have bigger muscles, are more interested in action, asserting themselves, facing and overcoming challenges, etc.

The women’s roles were likely much more passive. They are designed this way. They would likely stay behind and care for the children, prepare food and maintain their living spaces.
Proof in their design: They are much smaller and physically weaker, they are generally more emotional, drawn and captivated by babies and children, sensitive, etc.

HOWEVER, in this day in age, especially in our generation, things are changing and evolving at an extremely RAPID rate. Many refer to it as the “Singularity” and people like Jason Silva say things like “We are the Gods now.”
We are currently evolving at exponential rate. We are becoming incredibly more conscious than we’ve ever been. There’s also extreme overpopulation. CRAZY shit is going to go down in the course of our lifetimes. I have no fucking clue how things are going to be 5, 10, even 20 years from now. Limitless possibilities.

That being said, the traditional roles of man and women are much different today than they have likely EVER been. Women are more empowered than ever before. They sure as hell don’t NEED a man to be there “protector and provider” anymore. They can pretty much do that all on their own.
I’m not saying all this is a bad thing, I’m just saying it’s different and for the most part guys (with respect to the way we were biologically designed) are a little confused by it. It is a lot more challenging to attract women this day in age, compared to the millions of years of our evolutionary past

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@jpete011,
“The only reason i added that was for marketing purposes.”
Thanks for being honest…

“Now that you brought it up, yes, I would say they are ingrained in us for the most part. Millions of years of evolution has programmed us that way.”

This isn’t how evolution works. Evolution doesn’t program an individual to act a certain way. We are born with our genes, and our genes are subjected to nature (your articles, the world, etc) and thus the effects these have in combination with our genes determines who we are. Do not make the assumption that since we are this way, this is how we should be – that is a dangerous assumption to make.

“I can imagine for most of our existence on earth, the men’s “roles” were mainly to hunt and protect the women and children. You can see this with how we are biologically designed. Men have bigger muscles, are more interested in action, asserting themselves, facing and overcoming challenges, etc.

This is exactly what I don’t like about this. You are assuming that because we have larger muscles, therefore we are meant to use them.

Claiming men are more interested in action, asserting themselves, facing and overcoming challenges, in contrast to women is just stupid. When was the last time you met a feminine group that was never subjected to multiple thousands of years of bias such as this?

A man has nipple and tits, this doesn’t mean he should be breast feeding. We have tail bones, but we don’t have tails. You are making the grossly overdone assumption that form thus gives purpose. This is not the case at all in nature.

” biologically designed”
There you go again. We weren’t designed with an intent and therefore we perform what we are best at, but more often than not, we perform what we assume to be “normal”. Thus I am saying that society is the greater effector of gender roles, not our biological evolution.

Therefore – your “shoulds” of gender roles are based on a paradigm that is consistently changing, constantly called into question, and generally in the retrogressive direction in comparison to a site like this. Aka, mainstream society, media, and the past…

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Edward Bernays (131) (@edwardbernays) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@jpete011, “We crave attention and interaction on a daily basis from friends and the opposite sex. Without this, we feel alone and worthless. I’d even go as far to say that a great social life and ability to attract quality girls is mandatory to optimize your happiness in life.”

I used to be just like this in high school. Years later I realized that I was a huge dick during this time, full of overself-confidence and ignorance. I’ve since become very “lonely” as you might suggest. But I’m happy. I’m way happier than when I had “a great social life” and craved interaction on a daily basis. Also, from my own experience, “attracting the ladies” comes from being the mysterious guy. The quiet cowboy. The one who looks like hes got a lot to say, but says nothing. Its a different kind of confidence. I’ve had a girlfriend for 5+ years and have many “above average attractive lady friends”.

“I even have incredibly positive interactions with strangers wherever I go (including above average attractive ladies who would, no doubt, intimidate the average man)”

When I read this I started laughing. Take me to any club on a Saturday night and I think I can prove “who would, no doubt, intimidate the average man” false. Also talking to strangers isn’t part of your social life, these aren’t friends. But glad you told us you now wheel.

“Without this knowledge of self, you have no character and that means you have no ORIGINALITY.”

Funny you bring this up, as all of your points I’ve read on/in numerous other blogs and self-help books. It literally lacks originality.

Aside from that you bring up some good points throughout.

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FindYourGreatness (345)C (@jpete011) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist, “This isn’t how evolution works. Evolution doesn’t program an individual to act a certain way. We are born with our genes, and our genes are subjected to nature (your articles, the world, etc) and thus the effects these have in combination with our genes determines who we are. Do not make the assumption that since we are this way, this is how we should be – that is a dangerous assumption to make.”

Yes, both of these active variables, evolution (our genes) and our external influences, play a part in “who we are.” This is the nature verses nurture debate.
I never said that since we are this way, this is how we should be. You are misinterpreting me.
All I said is that these masculine and feminine roles are engrained in us deep down. We CAN, however, stray away from these tendencies because we have very powerful conscious minds. Once again, nature verses nurture.

“This is exactly what I don’t like about this. You are assuming that because we have larger muscles, therefore we are meant to use them.”

Yes, evolution has favored men to use their muscles. Are you really denying this?
**Notice how I am talking past tense. We don’t really even need to use our muscles much anymore TODAY

“Claiming men are more interested in action, asserting themselves, facing and overcoming challenges, in contrast to women is just stupid. When was the last time you met a feminine group that was never subjected to multiple thousands of years of bias such as this?”

Once again, it is in our past. It is in our design.
Yes, the “higher brain” can always overcome biological tendencies, and that is what is happening in the modern world.

“There you go again. We weren’t designed with an intent and therefore we perform what we are best at, but more often than not, we perform what we assume to be “normal”. Thus I am saying that society is the greater effector of gender roles, not our biological evolution.”

You are arguing about apples and oranges.
Yes, in this day in age I would say that “society is the greater effector of gender roles.”
This still does not deny our biological, “lower brain” tendencies though.

“Therefore – your “shoulds” of gender roles are based on a paradigm that is consistently changing, constantly called into question, and generally in the retrogressive direction in comparison to a site like this. Aka, mainstream society, media, and the past”

Yes I am talking about our past, but it is also present because this shit is engrained in us. Can you really deny that millions of years of evolution has not designed us and EVERYTHING else in certain ways with incredibly precise roles? You think we can just forget and deny all that?
Why does everything work so well in harmony with each other?
i.e. Bees pollinate flowers, animal droppings fertilize soil, males fuck females to reproduce.

Oh boy, are you going to argue with me on this?
HINT: I’m not saying males HAVE TO fuck females. I’m just saying that’s how we are DESIGNED.

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@jpete011, You’re showing a lack of understanding on what evolution is.

We don’t get designed, and using that term automatically sets you up to misinterpret what evolution actually is. We are a bunch of random mutations that slowly fill the fitness pockets of niches in an evolutionary landscape.

If it was true that men were selected for their muscles and confidence, why is the world full of non-muscular, incredibly talented, successful, intelligent men, probably more so than overly-confident muscular men?

Again, men aren’t designed to fuck women, that is how your perspective seems to be projecting this idea, though.

There are no “Shoulds” in nature.

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Anonymous (175) (@) 8 years ago ago

because societies whether modern and historic didn’t consider them required or desirable traits.

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FindYourGreatness (345)C (@jpete011) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist,
Yes, evolution doesn’t have a brain and is a “bunch of random mutations…”

“If it was true that men were selected for their muscles and confidence, why is the world full of non-muscular, incredibly talented, successful, intelligent men, probably more so than overly-confident muscular men”

Haha! Yes, because this fucking modern world we are in is completely unnatural. We are now partially (and I stress partially) in control of our own evolution, but we’re mostly fucking things up. “Mother nature” is the other part of the equation.
And call me crazy but I have a funny feeling nature will win.

“Again, men aren’t designed to fuck women, that is how your perspective seems to be projecting this idea, though.

I’d go thank your Mom and Dad for fucking if I were you

“There are no “Shoulds” in nature.”

Okay, yes. BUT as humans like you and I do, we are making sense of intangible things. Of course most of the shit we talk about are perceptions and hypothesis.
We don’t know anything.

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Anonymous (175) (@) 8 years ago ago

To be honest I find this a bit self-righteous.

again, are you nice to all? if not, then why single out some?

also, the other poster was correct, nobody needs friends or sex categorically. go tell asexual people or monks in Tibet that sex is needed for happiness. very few things in the human condition or that exist in our Universe are true needs. Food, water, shelter MAYBE clothing, that’s it.

lulz.. i say the post below. so are you being nice to this gentleman?

Sarcasm and swearing denotes niceness, does it?

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TheSkaFish (962)M (@theskafish) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@jpete011, “In high school I used to have quite a lame social life and had difficulty connecting with people. I couldn’t even build up the courage to talk to cute girls in my classes. I had no self-confidence and I thought everyone else was better than me.
This led to many insecurities and feelings of loneliness.”

Mine was much the same way. I couldn’t really connect with people either and didn’t do a whole lot. And I definitely couldn’t talk to any girls that I thought were cute, if I was forced to for some reason, I mumbled badly and was afraid to express myself (although it’s just as well – there really weren’t any girls in my town whose personality I liked anyway, even lookswise everyone was just okay). I didn’t even wear shirts of the things I enjoyed for fear someone would give me shit for it and call me lame. Furthermore, I too thought that the people who seemed to handle themselves well just knew something I didn’t and couldn’t get because to them it was instinct, much like I used to believe in talented versus untalented people. So consequently I didn’t try anything – no talking to or going on dates with girls, no trying new things, no looking for new interests, no real exploration of myself because I thought it was fruitless, I thought I was stuck in the majority of lifetime average folks, trapped as a wallflower.

My reason for bringing this up though is not to relive past mistakes nor to complain – rather, seeing that you faced the same situation and beat it was enlightening. I used to feel I was the only one. Now I’m that much more certain I’ll beat it too because I’ve seen someone has gone to where I want to be from where I’ve been.

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Dan (890) (@danfontaine) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

How to have an awesome social life and attract the ladies:

Treat everyone like they’re naked.

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Eric (1,819)M (@blankey) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

Long story short, be yourself, smile, have fun, and face your fears head on. They will shy away at the light of your consciousness.

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Dan (890) (@danfontaine) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@blankey, Write on.

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Marie (2,051) (@ARCANUS) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@jpete011, Become what you want to attract. If you want a “quality woman” guess you’ve gotta be a quality man. I think that sounds pretty exhausting, rather like going shopping. I’d rather be myself, and attract someone who is himself.

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Dick (364) (@dick) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

I was just reading an interesting piece on gender roles. The author basically states that “value” in today’s society is social value as opposed to financial or protective value, and people are attracted by people who increase their social value. Money used to be a good indicator of social value, but not so much anymore. Before money it was protective value, a strong man to fight off the wolves or what have you.
The author sees gender roles as being dynamic. He explains that either sex can and does play either role, but all combinations other than the man playing the male gender role and the woman playing the female gender role are doomed to failure.
He describes the male gender role as being the decision maker that does not use emotion to guide decisions. The female gender role is essentially the opposite. So if the male is confident and logical the female can feel safe and free to play her more emotionally centered role.
The OP’s suggestions address the development of that social value.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@jpete011, Wow dude, this is a sweet post. How could I not notice it until now? This is fucking awesome.

Now for some comments.

“Us humans are social creatures. We crave attention and interaction on a daily basis from friends and the opposite sex.” – @jpete011

-Right, if you’re a pussy ;)

“Today and I can happily say that I have a very healthy and rewarding social life. I don’t have overpowering anxieties or insecurities that get the best of me. I even have incredibly positive interactions with strangers wherever I go (including above average attractive ladies who would, no doubt, intimidate the average man). I treat them like my friends who I’ve known for years.” – @jpete011

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/sbaahj.jpg

“Without this knowledge of self, you have no character and that means you have no ORIGINALITY.

Everyone loves a person with self knowledge. It makes them mysterious and interesting.” – @jpete011

-If only more people would open their eyes to this…

“Running into a truly original character can be absorbing. Think about the time you met someone who was completely different than anyone you have ever met. It felt like a breath of fresh air and really captivated your attention, right?” – @jpete011

-No, that was scary, people like that are a liability to everyone. And so I had to beat that person. With a stick.

“Lastly, DO IT FOR YOURSELF.” — @jpete011

-But that’s selfish >:o
Hehe.

“Don’t do something for the approval of others. This will hurt yourself and people will lose respect for you because of it.” — @jpete011

-This is spot-on. Approval seeking MUST go, seriously. It’s poison. Trying to get approval is leeching behaviour.

“To be a social badass you must be able to focus all your attention on the person you are interacting with.” – @jpete011

Nah man, that shows you’re weak and care, gotta show that you’re the alpha dude, gotta show them that your presence is a blessing and you even talking to them is their prize B)
(Sarcasm, of course.)

“Take a minute and think about it. Visualize it and imagine the men who are over there sacrificing their lives for their country.” – @jpete011

Haha yeah I’m glad I’m not one of those idiots. <—Positivity ;)

"Treat the gas station clerk like you would the hot model at the club. Talk to the janitor at school as you would your best friend." – @jpete011

-So I should jump over the counter at the gas station and get all up in the clerk's face going "Hey baby gurl wassup" and grab his hands? Great idea!
…just fucking around.

That's a key lesson you typed right there. Great stuff. Don't let people's attributes fool you, they're all humans.

"Listening means to be engaged fully when someone speaks to you. Pay attention to every word they say, instead of thinking of what you are going to say next or getting distracted by a cute girl who walks by." – @jpete011

-That's where it's at. Paying attention, very underrated.

"Another tip:
Don’t agree or disagree." – @jpete011

-This is GOLDEN.

"Try to make people smile and laugh." – @jpete011

-This contradicts some of the stuff you said earlier… not seeking approval, doing it for yourself, and so on.
Trying is lame, do or do not, just give them a good time.

"Most people don’t realize that body language, expression and tone of voice are 93% of interaction. This means that what you actually say are only 7% of your communication. You can say one thing and be communicating something totally different." – @jpete011

-ACE!
No comment.

"So instead of letting fear control you, take control of it and reclaim the steering wheel of your life." – @jpete011

/thread

"Do something everyday that gets you closer to it. Keep going and DO NOT GIVE UP. That’s it. You will get it eventually. Guaranteed." – @jpete011

-This is the truth. If people actually did what they claimed to be doing, they would have what they wanted.

"So do what Michael Jordan did and keep trying, and trying and trying until you get there. It is THAT simple." – @jpete011

But this is a social game, not football. ;)

"Doing this will make you a more confident person and this positive energy will carry into your interactions. Not to mention it will make you more attractive to the ladies as they will sense your heightened masculinity." – @jpete011

-This shit has aged to the title of "tired old drivel." Seriously bro, it's not about masculinity, it's about having your mind in the right place. It's just as attractive in a woman.
It's good attitude, not manliness.

"When you focus on outcomes you are not being present. When you are analyzing a conversation while talking to someone, the person will notice and you will lose the connection." – @jpete011

-True dat. But it depends, if you have a reason to talk/connect you will not lose connection just because you put your focus in your mind for a while.

"This is one of the most important steps, hands down. Surrounding yourself with remarkable people is mandatory if you want to be your best self and live the life you always dreamed of." – @jpete011

-What if I've always dreamed of a life without friends? What if my best self is not all that social? Hmm?

Dude, it's not mandatory.

"Instead of waiting for activities and events to come your way, create your own. Organize events and bring people together.

What we don’t have is COMMUNITY. We are missing closely knit groups of people (“tribes”)." – @jpete011

-Even more gold from the finder of greatness.
People gotta get a bit of that "ringleader mentality." A bit, that is, not too much.

"You will be amazed with how fulfilling it is to have a tribe of your own." – @jpete011

-"Amazed"… doesn't even begin to describe it. It feels so fucking "right," for lack of a better expression.

"If a friend asks you for help when you were planning on watching your favorite TV show, go help them. Put the TV show off for another time, record it on DVR and go help your friend." – @jpete011

-TV? For fuck's sake! Throw that shit off the roof. If you truly have a good social life, you will never have an excuse to watch tv.

What am I saying by this reply?
Well, dumb it down a bit. Keep it simpleR.

You can get away with most anything as long as you've got charm and a positive mentality.
Traits that would be "deal breakers" instead become cute quirks and interesting characteristics.

You don't need all of that fancy theory, you don't need to be cool or "alpha" (ridiculous term,) you don't need to be nice either.

Sorry for not delivering that article yet, I got distracted, but this has inspired me to take it up again.

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Whootytooty (1) (@whootytooty) 8 years, 11 months ago ago

@pete011 I love the opening of this post. I have always been a firm believer that humans need love and acknowlegment to live happy life. Everyone wants to be acknowledged at some point in their life, whether they want to admit it or not. Loving yourself is key. “To love one’s self is to have a lifelong relationship” Oscar Wilde. Thanks for the post!

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lifeisaboutgrowing (0) (@topshopper19) 8 years, 2 months ago ago

@jpete011 , very very cool article. thanks for posting it.

i have a question about finding out about yourself; and the knowledge of self.

I’ve just come out of a long-term relationships – 5 years – and feel like i’ve become out of tune with myself. i feel i don’t know myself 100%, and therefore have no originality of character like you mentioned.

Is there anything else other then writing things down – that will aid me in finding out about who i am????

over the past couple of months, ive heard that things like travelling around the world; and discovery yourself “through other people” would be the best way. . .

…what do you suggest?

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Matheus Pinheiro (44) (@Mattgood) 8 years, 2 months ago ago

I was had a nice social life, but now I am studying a little about social interaction to understand what really happens among us. This way I can get what I want from the interaction without trying to be someone else, because I am a little lazy to learn how to look like a superman without having any powers. Living naturally and kind of crazy proved me that can bring some results. So I keep approaching girls, making social circles and enjoying what life has to offer more deeply with HE.

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Anonymous (175) (@) 8 years ago ago

ok, so it’s normal to not to strive for anything.

and yet how come people who are mean (as per high school as you mentioned) have a social life?
are you nice to everybody by chance?

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Anonymous (175) (@) 8 years ago ago

even though this was posted months ago, i’d like the OP to answer my questions, and how many people who “aren’t nice” get by….

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TheSeer (168)C (@drallarnnat) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

What first prompted me to read this was not the title, but my expectation of what an article with this title would be like. I expected some sort of manipulative “don’t be a wuss” or “use NLP” or something silly like that….

Your rules do not sound like a how to on social life and women. It sounds like a how to on life. It is truly an impressive piece. Rule #2 I like especially. It is so easy to be upset with someone or feel attacked if they express their dislike of something that you do. Even if they say it nicely, it is way too easy to take it personally.

This was a great read. There is a lot more to this than social life improvement and attracting the ladies and I know this because I’ve found the “girl of my dreams” already, and still I got a lot out of it. Thanks for the post.

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KoMaCarpe (92) (@KoMaCarpe) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

Live intune with your own energy. What this means is basically: Do what you want, say what you want, act as you are.
Theres always room for forgiveness when misstepping has been done. Dont be afraid to take a leap of chanse.
All this above means being authentic. Its a mastery few of us possesses. Just understand that life is life. Some days are good and some days are bad. Acceptance is at the core of our well being.
Theres no recepy for social interaction…Life is our teacher and we need to MAKE – not just read about – the mistakes to become who we’re supposed to be.

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Melina (5) (@Melina) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

Thank you!:)
That was what I needed right now:)

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Bipolarist31 (2) (@animehigh31) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

Wasn’t this step 11 the main skill of the entire idea and the rest was bonus points on how to improve it? I mean I was kinda expecting the magic words phrases on how to lure beautiful ladies into my life but I guess there is no special “forbidden” notes on that but never the less I like the bad ass attitude. Thanks for inspiring bro. :)

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