How To Lessen My EGO?

Tone Tone (@spreadthelove) 6 years, 9 months ago

I am very aware of my ego. I’ve done a lot of psychedelics which have given me experiences with my ego removed, and just given me better awareness of my ego in general. But nowadays my ego is here in full force. And it’s funny because I have a lot of anxiety and lack self confidence, so I really don’t think I’m better than anyone. But it seems I always want to be right, I want to control every situation, and I get this tingly frustrated feeling when people are challenging me or potentially making me look bad. When people come up with ideas, I feel that tingly frustrated feeling because I’m thinking about all the things that are wrong with it as if they don’t really know what they’re talking about. As I sit here and feel this I say, I have a huge ego. But at least with me, I am very aware of it, resent it, and am willing to work at lessening it. But I just don’t know how. The only thing I’ve been doing is trying to suppress it and inject logic as to why I shouldn’t be feeling this way. 

Can we discuss the point of me not thinking I’m better than anyone and how I still have a big ego. I know they aren’t necessarily correlated but I’d like to discuss this more.

Also I could really use some advice. I’m a caring individual and just want to be loving all the time, but what seems like an ego curse is keeping me from that. I’m here because I want to change. 

September 21, 2015 at 1:57 pm
Dhyan (37) (@Dhyan) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

To me ego means  control .  You’re  truth  doesn’t  sound  peaceful 

Meditation  and letting  go  is all there  is to say.  Imho 

There  are active  meditations  from  osho  and try  to relax  you’re  body 

 Greetsz 

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vidapura (0) (@vidapura) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Hi Tone tone, a few months ago I experienced these exact same feelings. Its a point of evolution, In my opinion.

As much as we think we know something, things, topics, people- we really dont. I found that accepting that I know nothing to be a huge help in deminishing my arrogance. When we talk to people we talk to reply, to compare ourselves, to see what they know and judge them off that- i think what helped me in my journey is just being easy on myself. I stopped hating myself for having these bad habits and instead acknowledged that i sucked and aiming to be a better person ( in mystandards that is someone who does not judge just for the sake of being rude, intolerant). I also read abook called “the power of now” by E. tolle, one of the chapters is titled ” You are not your mind.” I stopped identifying, with everything visible, my thoughts, my idea, my feelings and all things created by the mind and a lot fell into place for me. I realized i am more than stupid judgments, more than my ego, more that a body, more than a mind. Once i realized and conditioned myself to stop identifying i finally had to stop proing myself to everyone. I didnt care what anyone thought of me or what they “were” because i realized what they saw was an image and all i see is an image and so therefore non of it really matters. I guess i stopped caring if the thoughts of others were valid or not, their “well thought ideas” were probably just regurgitations of information they learned some time ago, and i didnt take it too seriously.

A lot of what your wrote sounds like you take life quite seriously, as most of us do. But i think its valid to say no one out there knows what they are doing, we are all lost and wondering and hurt and seeking something- so excuse people and yourself for being a 21century human.

you dont think your better than anyone but you acknowledge that you are a “you.” that is your ego.

Hope you write back

vida  

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Tone Tone (71) (@spreadthelove) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Wow be my friend. 

This is amazing. I believe changing my mindset to a “know nothing” mindset will really really help me. 

I’ve read the Power of Now and it was very influential. His messages have faded so thank you for reinforcing them. I need to get back to disidentifying from the mind. That plus the next part of your journey will be the toughest. STOP PROVING MYSELF TO EVERYONE?! THEN WHAT WILL I LIVE FOR?! ;)  Caring too much what people think has always been a big problem of mine. I am a people-pleaser with my goal being making people happy, but it just ends in me not being authentic and relying too much externally for my validation. I’d love to hear more of your story about not caring what other people think.

I’m glad you were able to get to the place you are now, because the place I am now is frustrating, and I can only imagine you feel liberated. My ego is so contradicting of the person I know I am and the person I want to show the world. I LOVE PEOPLE AND JUST WANT TO MAKE THEM SMILE.

I resented posting this because I am shameful of my ego, and I feel it looks bad, but now I’m glad I did and I really appreciate you taking the time. PM me your FB or something.

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vidapura (0) (@vidapura) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I too thought that proving myself (to family, old friends, old teachers, the world) was important and all there was to live for – its hard to explain how this changed but i think you will figure it out just fine. focus on who you want to become, who you TRULY are- not who you truly want people to see and think and feel about you. You cannot control how people see you- just as how you see  the color green isnt the way i perceive the color green, you will never be able to know for sure what people see and think of you. Everything in life is subjective. 

Making people laugh and smile is huge for me as well, but i find that in no way to be a contradiction to my values and my being. If its who you are thats okay! Being a people pleaser is not a bad thing, its changing who you are and not being honest to yourself just for the sake of pleasing people that gets complicated. When you seek validation from others through your actions and words you are not being authentic. Think about a musician- you go see her preform and after playing every note she looks up to see if the crowd enjoyed it or thinks its beautiful. Now think about an authentic musician- she plays and enjoys everything she is doing, she sways and closes her eyes and you see the passion in the face and body. watching her is fun, enjoyable and its only beacause she is playing to play, she is having fun she is being who she wants to be, playing what she feels like playing and in turn we really truly enjoy that. She is a people pleaser, but she does not seek validation from the crowd-she doesnt even care if they like her or if there is a crowd or not. She is free. 

Ive reached a place where i know who i dont want to be. Everyday is trial and error, but if there is one charecteristic i am now that i was not before is easy on myself. I recognized how shitty of a person i was being, how arrogant, how privledged, how mean, i was and i hated myself for it. i was nevery happy with who i was. I started writing a lot and i cannot stress enough how vital this was for me. I wrote before bed and wrote whaterver the hell i wanted, i started  to write down the problems and questions i was facing, my fears, my dreams and the lessons i didnt know i was learning and stopped writing the way i thought a journal should be written (even in private i sought validation). The process of keeping a journal has showed me how easily we forget the [important] things we learn, the valid doubts we have and this really helped me grow. a  journal doesnt have to be creative it just has to be honest- sometimes embarassingly honest. In a month or even a year you will be able to look back at this vital part of your life and you will be placed right back where you were, you will relive part of your life and you will see how much you have grown and even be reminded of who you never again want to be, possibly. Without a journal you may not even remember that these things happened and when someone asks you for advice you may not be able to give it, for youve practically forgotten youve been there as well. 

also, id love to be friends! 

Vida 

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Tone Tone (71) (@spreadthelove) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

“Even in private I sought validation.” That’s crazy because I have a journal (used to write in it daily now only when I’m really troubled) and I would write as if someone was going to read it later. It was so much less authentic. Once aware I changed the way I wrote and wrote for ME. It was real, much deeper, and so much more beneficial. 

I am glad you were able to realize how much you sucked! Lol. How did you realize it? Did you just wake up one day and reflect? Did you get external feedback from someone close to you? Was there a major event that happened? You inspired me to start writing again. 

I sent you a PM here on HE so figure out how to check your messages and reply with a link to your FB. Would love to keep chatting and keep evolving from you. Long reply up there ^, thanks for taking the time.

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vidapura (0) (@vidapura) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

i didnt get your PM! ill try to send you one

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