I hope i’m not the only one, and i feel that maybe other people too might be feeling like this, but i have a hard time not giving a fuck about what people think of me or how i am judged, and consequently i don’t speak up, i stutter when i talk, i’m quiet and when i do want to say what is on my mind, i’m socially awkward, I have social anxiety, and when I have to speak up my thoughts go all crazy and I cant even form a proper sentence. I hate it and and i really want to change that. I want to be confident about myself, about my thoughts, about what i say, and about me as an individual in society, who really does not give a fuck about what people think about me and my views. I want to be able to speak up and say what is on my mind but i just…can’t. I really don’t know how to go about this. What can i do? I’ve tried to think positively, to try and feel confident but its just not working out with me…So i thought i just might ask this community, hopiinnnggg that there is someone out there who might have overcome this or someone who has the same problem or just any form of advice.
“how to not give a fuck and be confident”
It’s in the title: don’t give a fuck. Don’t try to tell me it’s not that simple. It really is.
The thing is people will read something and think they understand it. But honestly, when it hits you as to what it means to truly not give a fuck… then you will truly understand it.
Just don’t care… insecurity springs from caring too much about what others think of you or how you see yourself. Read “Fight Club” or watch the movie man.. I don’t know.
All of this might manifest from the idea that you believe other people are “right” and you are “wrong”
I was exactly the same way until I got to college and realized I was doing this to myself. Once you “just start” acting how you want, dressing how you want, treating people how you want, everyone will take notice and the confidence should follow.
This is unfortunately the basis of all bullying as well. People take what others say too literally. If someone calls you an idiot for example. Think to yourself, we’ll I know I’m not, and the fact that they just said that to me pretty much indicates they’re an idiot that I shouldn’t/don’t have to worry about. If you begin to monitor your thoughts like this, you’ll be immune to anything people can throw at you. It helps to remind yourself that they are people just like you, whose opinions are only equal, if not less important than your own thoughts about yourself, not better in any sense.
Physical harm from others however, is a different story altogether obviously.
@anwie, Try this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logotherapy#Overcoming_anxiety
“Paradoxical Intention.” Basically, try purposely to stutter and talk as awkwardly as possible, and you’ll take the stress off yourself and do the opposite. Let me know if that works for you.
You just gotta hit rock bottom somehow. Not the greatest way of overcoming this fear of yours but it’s a great place to be if you want raw confidence. When you have experienced a huge loss or have lost everything… you are given that choice (sitting there, at rock bottom): do I surrender and just give up on life? or do I take this opportunity to become whatever I want to be because there is no longer anything else I could lose or anything that could go wrong?
@anwie, Went through this for ages – always thinking there’s something wrong with me. I found my power on an acid trip and I haven’t forgotten it. I am Man. I am entitled to me, my opinions, my behavior. I do what I want because I am a Man…
I do nothing but good.
Fear is the enemy.
If someone diminishes my sense of goodness I know that THEY ARE WRONG. I’ve begun to really feel the fear in another human being – I won’t let it manipulate my thoughts and behavior. I’m going to fight their demon with the hammer of the gods in my right fist.
That’s being a man.
@anwie, It’s not about not giving a fuck, it’s about GIVING A FUCK.
Guess what fuckers, I’m ME. Is that unforgivable?
Approach people like this and you will be fruitful.
When you’re actually doing it it is not this hostile, lol.
Because the people bend to your will – as they should.
Just be a (wo)Man about it.
The way it is with me is that I don’t worry about what other people think of me because most of the time they are worried about what other people are thinking of them. So say you have person A who was hanging out with person B and did something dumb that everyone laughed at. The rest of the day person A is worried about what Person B will think of them but a few minutes later person B does something dumb and Person C laughs at them. Now person B is worried about what Person C is thinking about them. This Cycle continuously repeats and the whole time each person is worried about what someone else is think about them so really nobody is thinking about them. This won’t help you get super confident but it did help me stop worrying about with other people think which is step in the right direction.
Step 1: Don’t give a fuck
Step 2: Be confident
Step 3: Profit
Faking confidence is easy to do in short bursts, and the more you do it the easier it becomes. Eventually it will just become a habit. That’s pretty much it. You just have to brave enough to stick with it.
@justinr, Doesnt the given mindset actually make idiots who are full of themselves? I wouldn`t say real confidence comes from just ignoring what people tell you, it comes from self questioning and it is something that doesn`t really come over night. But the part about having your own style is pretty important and alright. And I know I should praise,then criticise, I suck. And we shouldnt start sentences with “And”, ill hit myself now.
I decided I will wear an imaginary witch’s hat
@justinr, i know its all self-inflicted and that’s what is really frustrating. Its that i am causing it upon myself yet at the same time i, myself, have the ability to change that way i feel or think. I’ll actually try monitoring my thoughts, I never actually thought of approaching it that way. Ironically i’m always wrapped up in my thoughts but never thought of monitoring them. thank you :)
@alexishungry, that’s really interesting way to go about it, and i hope it doesn’t amplify my fear. i mean i already stutter a lot :P how hard can it be to even increase it. I guess maybe then i can work my way back up, but i’m not sure how it would work out…I’ll give it a try and get back to you.
@egarim, My worst fear out of all this, is hitting rock bottom, because i don’t think ill be able to “get back up”. if you know what i mean. When i get to that point, the only thing ill be thinking is that there is nothing left for me anymore. And that thought just scares me.
@danfontaine, i love your way of thinking :) and i have also been thinking of going on an acid trip, but again i’m not so confident about it, because people around me are telling me that its not a helpful, or healthy in any way, but I have heard of how it does somehow help you or is just gives you a great (and different) experience…like for you. :)
@thunderfeet, That is so true. people are wrapped around what other people perceive of them, and thats the same to me, but i will keep that into consideration. And frankly i have noticed it about other people, its just i wasn’t sure if it was the same for everyone. I’ve always wondered if there’s that one person who doesn’t get trapped in that cycle.
Thank you so much :) this just shows how awesome HighExistence is. This site is just…epic.
@nosorozh, But through self questioning, won’t you fall deeper into the thoughts and fear of “un-confidence”. If you question yourself too much, how would you then be able to tell the difference between what you feel is right and what is wrong, or even if there is a difference. And criticizing is not all a bad thing, it just gives a different perspective of things.
I am the same. I know you shouldn’t give a damn, but unconsciously I still listen to what others say about me. But I had never looked at it the way @justinr suggested ”All of this might manifest from the idea that you believe other people are “right” and you are “wrong”. It’s a good point.
‘Not giving a fuck’ isn’t a solution. Alot of people walk around professing to not give a fuck and justifying their pack-minded reactions to people as benign apathy. Which, ironically, is almost always poorly concealed bravado under a mask of confidence.
Caring what people think is a blessing, though I think social anxiety is the dark-side of the same coin, especially in younger people. It means that when it comes down to it, you’ll care what people think, and have the confidence to be yourself regardless, rather than in spite of it.
Apathetic reaction should be subconscious, not conscious, I think. It’s not something you should strive for.
@anwie, Yeah well drugs have done more for my self-development than any class or role-model has. These people who condemn drugs are self-restricting, prisoners of their own desires.
Word of advice: don’t take advice.
Except for mine… but not all the time.. <_<
@anwie, I had a similar experience to @danfontaine in that drugs aided my epiphany. was astral projecting whilst hella high, and I just kind of saw everything as it really was. I was just me, and I was everything else. And everything which has ever surrounded me made sense. I saw the cause and effect of everything and it all just made sense.
Now the feeling didn’t hang around nearly as intense as it was, and I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, but I rarely have negative thoughts about myself anymore. And part of that is actually questioning yourself. Sure I still have negative thoughts, but when they pop up I question them, rather than accepting them and sinking into them. I figure out why I’m feeling like that that day, it generally links back to something when you look at a bigger picture. Your natural state is not unhappiness.
Confidence is the assertion of life, of the world, expressed through your form.
Even when portrayed by one,
Confidence is the protection of the validity and genuality of ALL existence, not just the one’s.
Share that natural beauty the universe manifests through you.
To deny the world confidence, to deny the natural beauty, is to claim life unworthy.
To question your own validity, is the question validity in all life.
Give the world confidence. Give it relentlessly.
Share the piece of the puzzle the world manifests in you.
@anwie, Also, what other people have said works too. Just start being. You might feel like you’re faking it sometimes but just go with it and it will become natural. I have done this in the past too, but you really have to deal with your underlying issues too, and I didn’t do that…so crumbled after a few years. Question your negativity. Every time.
I have dealt with this exact same thing my entire life. The thing to remember is absolutely everyone you know has a completely different view of you, just as the way you view other people is different from the way they view themselves because everyone sees the world through the lense of their own backgrounds so no matter what you say they’re always gona see you the way they want to. Also, if you have brown hair and someone makes fun of you for having green hair it won’t affect because you know your hair isnt green. But if they make fun of something you’re insecure about such as being shy you would feel bad, not because what they say affects you but because it serves as a trigger for your own beliefs about yourself. So instead of worrying about what others think just alter the way you think about yourself and no one will ever affect you.
@anwie, Also, The fact that you’re interested in understanding, and working through this challenge is a great leap over the “not giving a fuck” and leaving the problem unresolved, in the recces of your life, bound to come back.
Not giving a fuck, is not learning from life. Its ignoring it.
And life destines those who have not learned to repeat their lessons over, and over.
Consider this friend :),
How much do these thoughts deal with perspective?
And perspective about perspective (How you think other people think of you)
Thats alot of perspective to be analyzing. Very objective.
How useful is it to spend time thinking about these things?
Facts are tangibles. They are no matter what you choose to think about them.
Facts are what drive innovation. But facts are not what drive emotion.
The skill to differentiate between the objective, and the facts is sehr important.
And sehr enjoyable.
Once the facts are discerned, one can create the rest of their “reality” safely, and functionally, from the clouds of their imaginations :)