How to stop the tormenting agony?

 Manimal (@manimal)6 years, 2 months ago

Hello, HEthens.
I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I’ve seen that there’s a lot of people here who are or have been dealing mental and emotional problems, and it seems to be a popular topic.
And I could really use some help.

First of all, let me explain my situation.
I have a very hyperactive brain, I always thought it was normal but a few years ago I realized that it wasn’t at all. Far from it.
To clarify, I’ll give an example.

As I’m typing this I want to focus all my attention on the computer, but I’m distracted by a fly that’s crawling on the window. Not just looking at it crawl, but also trying to predict its movement. At the same time, I can’t help but try to figure out the frequency of an electronic humming background noise, I’m pretty sure it’s at 58hz. Meanwhile, I’m humming an original melody that I haven’t heard before, while my feet are tapping the rhythm of a different song out of context. While this is all happening, I’m swept away by old memories that are in no way relevant to my situation, and at the same time I’m thinking of someone I was supposed to meet tomorrow, while also contemplating about the meaning of life and having a sexual fantasy. Seeing the appearing text in the corner of my vision, I cannot help but wonder which is the best letter in the alphabet.
And all the while, I’m counting to four over and over, a process that’s been going on without pause since the day I learned to count to four.
But I have no problem typing this out simultaneously, my fingers know what to do.

That’s just the everyday shenanigans that I’m used to, that’s not the problem I’m here to talk about.
(And while it sure gets annoying sometimes, the advantages outweigh the “curse” as it lets me learn really fast and remember really well and such things. People say I’m “gifted” and stuff like that.)

I know some of you are already thinking: “Dude, you just gotta meditate. It’s the one solution.”
Well, the thing is… I’ve been meditating almost daily since I was 8. It has had many positive effects, but it hasn’t affected my hyperactivity.
And, like I said, it really doesn’t prevent me from focusing and doing things. It’s not the issue.

The problem is that my mind sometimes spins out of control, goes into overdrive and things get really fucked up.
It’s like when you put a live instrument or microphone right up against its amp/speaker and it creates this nasty feedback loop that just keeps getting louder and louder.
So the example I provided above is just the tip of the iceberg that’s wrecking havoc in my head right now. There’s lots of really overwhelming, painful shit whirling around in there.

My chest feels like it’s about to implode.
I’m trembling.
My skin is numb, I can’t feel a thing.
I haven’t eaten in five days.
In those five days, I’ve only had half an hour of sleep. 30 minutes of sleep paralyzed night terror, waking up soaked in cold sweat.
There’s this nasty tingly feeling along my whole back and head, and it keeps growing.
My insides feel like they have a life of their own, like nothing is in order.
Everything hurts feels so heavy, even the air. And despite this, I feel no fatigue, I’m overflowing with hyperactivity.

This has happened to me several times before. But it’s never been this intense, and there’s always been something to keep me at bay, or something that can distract me, or something that makes it stop. But this time it’s different.

As for the typical cure-all sort of stuff, none of it works.
Meditation just makes it worse.
Sex makes it a lot worse.
Drugs only make it more intense.
Being comforted or pampered makes it literally unbearable.
Exercising makes me feel better for the moment, until I collapse in a starving, sleep depraved bundle of misery.
And I cannot sleep, nor force myself to eat.

But just waiting for it to pass, it feels like forever. These last five days have felt like six months, time’s almost standing still. I’m so sick of it, I can’t stand this shit any more. I’ve had more than enough.

That’s why I came here asking for help.
If anyone has any good advice or anything like it, I beg you, please help me.

Thanks in advance.
Peace and love
//Elion

April 19, 2014 at 5:55 pm
Almeida (304) (@xetado) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Wow, that’s some heavy shit, Elion. Have you considered taking some medicine for hiperactivity? Maybe it works. I really don’t know… I wish you the best, bro.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Those things have really nasty side effects.
And they don’t work for me, I don’t have ADHD so that “medicine” just makes me even more speeded.
Sleeping pills and calming pills don’t work either, they only make me trip elephant balls, they don’t make me tired or calm.

I wish you the best too, bro.

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LeWiZa (18) (@zpeialel) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

@manimal Look whatever happens sucks and isn’t very fun (subjective term used for general descriptive purposes, no need to break it down here). And as for my post way earlier I used “Sounds not good” as an intro, some basic generally meaningless assembly of words in order to work my text into the better part so it transitions nicely.

You are being douchy, in my biased opinion, to some of those who are trying their best. Obviously, some of them (i.e. shoot yourself) don’t really deserve a positive response. But as for the others, no need to internet insult them, they’re likely, in all honesty, trying to help you. And since you’re posting on this particular site for help, maybe try not insult those who are honestly trying their best. Everyone’s somewhere on their path, and everyone who honestly posted a tip or something for you meant to try and help you. They thought they could help you, and you decided to be a negative Nancy and insult some of them. You’ve probably even given some of them some advice directly or indirectly considering how active you are on this site. And then when they think they can help you out, you decided to take your mindstration discharge and wipe it on them.

Maybe its your state of mind causing those outburst but some of your responses are in no way the proper way to treat a person honestly trying to help you.

Also, from what I’ve noticed from some of your other posts, is that you seem to have a negative view of humanity but keep the people you are close to, at least on this site in high regard. Generally, I’ve noticed you respectfully converse with them when debating. The only advice I can offer is the passively sitting back and looking at your thoughts and finding their source, maybe try that when thinking about posting something like

” The thing is, this is how fora work. An internet forum today is just like the fora of ancient days. It starts out a bit obscure, with few participants who are all roughly on the same page. And generally speaking, intelligent. The more popular something becomes, the more stupidity it attracts. The mainstream is where good things go to DIE. Thing is, most people who host the fora choose to take the people pleasing route. Either because it generates income, or because they foolishly believe that more people means their message will get more influence (when it really just dilutes and distorts it.) Or both. That means the stupidity influences the whole thing more and more.”

-Taken from a post a while back about the New Age Bias possibly present on this site, thread started by myself.

I don’t think this kind of basis of thought or input, if we describe the creation of thoughts as a model, helps. As much as I think the people who always just say “Think positive and everything will be okay” are a bunch of hippies, there is some wisdom to those words, although it takes more then just positive thoughts. Well I tend to think generally the same as you when it comes your post that I’ve quoted, I frame it differently. For example “stupidity”, I just think of it as people who maybe not have taken the time to learn about something.

But anyways I’m digressing, continuing on from the post I posted earlier on this thread. I would analyze your reaction to all these bursts and bad thoughts. Again I visually print out out the words and my mind then rewind them. The only that causes these to actually be bad is your reaction to them, without a reaction, they wouldn’t be bad, would they? Sounds basic, but hell if you were a stone to these, a stone wouldn’t feel these would they?

I would recommend when you read this post, try to slow down your reaction and look at in stages, what feeling did I get? What words sprang to mind? How would I frame my response? I’m I focusing to much on making a response then actually understanding (I do that sometimes, trying to work on it)? Is there something I’m not consciously aware of influencing my reaction? That approach would help with looking at your reactions to your “mindstrations”. Then figure out why your reaction is the way it is and stop it at it’s cause. Don’t have a reaction to it. Freeze the reaction, delete the some of the inputs or reduce them to zero to get an output you desire. By the way I’m assuming this model works in a self-reinforcing way, so reactions to the first problem would cause another and so on, so you really have to get it at the start.

Take a page out of @desifemiliove “just don’t care”.

PS: I’m trying to repost this because I want the paragraph breaks, if it doesn’t work…well shit, enjoy the big block of text.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

I didn’t insult anyone who was trying to help. Really.

A negative view of humanity? Nope, I’m just realistic, denying a situation doesn’t change it. Denial isn’t positivity either.
I don’t hold anyone in high or low regard, myself included. What would be the point of that?

“For example “stupidity”, I just think of it as people who maybe not have taken the time to learn about something.”

-Potato, potato (without the accents).

“The only that causes these to actually be bad is your reaction to them, without a reaction, they wouldn’t be bad, would they?”

-Bad is just an opinion, so one could say that if one does not react with that opinion, it wouldn’t be bad.
However, pain is pain… reactions don’t change that.

“I would recommend when you read this post, try to slow down your reaction and look at in stages, what feeling did I get?”

-Why would I have a reaction to a forum post? That’s crazy.

“I’m I focusing to much on making a response then actually understanding (I do that sometimes, trying to work on it)?”

-So you recognize that you do this sometimes, but you don’t recognize that the same process is what caused those “helpful” posts? Most people just wanna spill their “knowledge”, it’s not about understanding or really helping.

“Don’t have a reaction to it.”

-I don’t, that’s what I’ve been explaining over and over. The symptoms themselves are the only reaction, I am not reacting to them more than my body has to.

“Freeze the reaction, delete the some of the inputs or reduce them to zero to get an output you desire. By the way I’m assuming this model works in a self-reinforcing way, so reactions to the first problem would cause another and so on, so you really have to get it at the start.”

-This is great stuff, always great to hear that. I know this stuff works great in general, but I can’t seem to get through this particular obstacle.
Any suggestions?

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LeWiZa (18) (@zpeialel) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

““For example “stupidity”, I just think of it as people who maybe not have taken the time to learn about something.”

-Potato, potato (without the accents).”
Yeah but this allows me not to judge people so harshly so if someone who I may have thought of as stupid initially says something, I don’t automatically dismiss it because of a prevailing bias towards them. Also thinking of someone as stupid is subjective, it’s an opinion, so you can regard your opinion as realistic but in the end still an opinion.

“Bad is just an opinion, so one could say that if one does not react with that opinion, it wouldn’t be bad.”
So is your “realistic” view on humanity. So if we can both subjectively agree that you think this loops you go through are “bad” then for their purpose of this conversation will assign the subjective variable “bad” to opinion/feeling towards these episodes in our model. And perhaps is you didn’t react with an opinion of any sort to these “loops” it would help out. If cause is unknown but the symptoms are known, holding the variable feeling/opinion on these loops equal to 0 may help. All I recommend on that is focus intensely hard on some other aspect of the “loop” that doesn’t really necessitate an opinion. For example when your driving, you don’t really make an opinion of the turn you just made (unless it’s really bad and you jump the curb, or really good and you get nice acceleration out of it), you just make the turn. It’s not a great example but it’s the best I have at the moment.

“However, pain is pain… reactions don’t change that.”
Yes pain is pain, but the level felt is subjective, just as good and bad are. Someones excruciating pain may not be nearly as painful to others. It hold for physical, emotional, and mental forms of pain.

“So you recognize that you do this sometimes, but you don’t recognize that the same process is what caused those “helpful” posts? Most people just wanna spill their “knowledge”, it’s not about understanding or really helping.”
I view it as two steps, first I listen to to understand, then if I think I should response, I formulate a response. My response is usually better this way, as I ensured I took the time to try and understand where the other person was coming from. I can only speak for myself on this.

As for suggestions I don’t really have any since I don’t know what the initial reaction is to throw you into this loop.

Question though, if you could describe this semiannual setback in three words only, what would they be? And don’t use words that incite an opinion (if we try to go with the thing I mentioned earlier in this post), so try to use words that are very descriptive but less subjective. For example: Tree, I would say bark, leaves/pines, wooden. But I couldn’t use large, small, treehugger. Treat it like a science experiment to find this underlying cause, at least at first.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

“Yeah but this allows me not to judge people so harshly so if someone who I may have thought of as stupid initially says something, I don’t automatically dismiss it because of a prevailing bias towards them.”

-The difference is imaginary, really.
I don’t need a concept to avoid judging, I have no reason to judge. It’s none of my concern.
I don’t dismiss stuff that I don’t know, I don’t need a concept for that, learning is my top priority. I wouldn’t ask for help if I hadn’t thoroughly tried at least all the obvious stuff.

“So is your “realistic” view on humanity.”

-Not really. I don’t assign a value to it, I don’t have any conclusions about it, I don’t really care. What is there is there, thoughts cannot change that.

“So if we can both subjectively agree that you think this loops you go through are “bad” then for their purpose of this conversation will assign the subjective variable “bad” to opinion/feeling towards these episodes in our model.”

-Feelings about feelings? I’m not the kind that does that..
I don’t really think these loops are bad. They’re distracting, painful, impractical and pointless, and I don’t understand them… but that does not equal bad.

“All I recommend on that is focus intensely hard on some other aspect of the “loop” that doesn’t really necessitate an opinion”

-None of it necessitates an opinion, other than the hardwired reflexes of the human body.
You’re preaching to your fellow preacher man, so to speak.

“Yes pain is pain, but the level felt is subjective”

-Incorrect. The level of actual pain felt is absolute, how the thinking mind amplifies/distorts it or distracts itself from the pain is the relative variable.

“Question though, if you could describe this semiannual setback in three words only, what would they be?”

-Void, confusion, duality.

I still operate normally. The consciousness and ego that I live with is as usual, thinking and feeling what I normally do. The problem runs parallel to this, as if it comes from something else.
While I’m going through this misery I somehow feel happy and peaceful at the same time as the pain and despair.

“Treat it like a science experiment to find this underlying cause, at least at first.”

-That’s what I’ve been doing, more or less.

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LeWiZa (18) (@zpeialel) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

“-The difference is imaginary, really”
A difference in perception is not imaginary. To another it is since they can only imagine what it would be like, but to that who’s perception it is, it is very real. It would be like a sort of frame and backing for the pictures and things you process, not a visual frame but something that encompasses it, something that your mind uses a base to interpret an experience.

” “So is your “realistic” view on humanity.”

-Not really. I don’t assign a value to it, I don’t have any conclusions about it, I don’t really care. What is there is there, thoughts cannot change that.”

You have assigned a value to it. By calling humanity stupid in general you have assigned a value to yourself as intelligent, and the humanity as not. You would value that you could see humanity is stupid. That’s not my point though, my point is when you think you haven’t assigned a value to something, you probably have, and its worth taking a look at.

“-Feelings about feelings? I’m not the kind that does that..
I don’t really think these loops are bad. They’re distracting, painful, impractical and pointless, and I don’t understand them… but that does not equal bad.”
Generally these words and the words torment/agony are associated with these things such as the simple “bad”. They fall in the same word pool. I am not using the bad associated with morals, I am using the bad associated with “not a pleasant experience”. By association and simplification, bad comes out. I don’t think you would be using the words torment/agony to describe a situation you are indifferent to or even enjoy going through. So again I conclude we can use “bad” here, for simplicity’s sake. Also it is a judgement but since we’re all viewing the awesome reality tv series called life from our own set top box, we’ll just have to conclude perceptions of things matter.

“-Incorrect. The level of actual pain felt is absolute, how the thinking mind amplifies/distorts it or distracts itself from the pain is the relative variable.”

Incorrect to your incorrect. The experience of pain to the person feeling pain is the only way to feel pain, so again perceptions matter. Plus the mind matters in perception and the only way something can be felt is with the mind. IF the level of pain is absolute then the feeling associated with that pain is not, so unless you can say you are feeling the exact absolute level of pain associated with this experience, we can conclude even if pain is absolute, the experience itself of pain is not. And since humans can only experience pain, we must draw that pain felt is dependant upon the feeler of pain. We could also state the whole premise as: “The level of pain felt is absolute as to the experiencer of the pain, the same painful experience incites different levels of absolute pain to each individual. Although the level is absolute and certain to each individual, it is different to each individual. The objective absolute measure of pain is only applicable to the one individual at a time, it does not hold across individuals.” Which goes against the definition of objective. It matters not if pain is absolute or not, the feeling of it isn’t because it is different to each individual. And at the moment you apparently are supposed to be in some sort of experience of pain. The experience you feel may be enough to break some, and to others it may be a walk in the park.

If you don’t accept that paragraph of the mind affecting the perceived level of pain and the perceived level of pain being the only thing that matters in measuring levels of pain, look at the following. If someone with no sensation in their hand does not feel pain someone smashing their hand to putty with a hammer and someone with sensation in their hands does, where is the absoluteness of pain? Is it in the potential for pain to felt?

“I still operate normally. The consciousness and ego that I live with is as usual, thinking and feeling what I normally do. The problem runs parallel to this, as if it comes from something else.
While I’m going through this misery I somehow feel happy and peaceful at the same time as the pain and despair.”

Interesting, so it’s like a separate entity. Does it react in parallel with your normal self? With one being like, to something you enjoy seeing/doing, “That’s cool/sweet/etc,” and the other being “I don’t even care” or something? And by react I don’t mean like huge reaction, I mean the general response from external stimuli. Very vague use of the word. Is it like a split instantaneous response point to external stimuli? Or just not at all?

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

“A difference in perception is not imaginary. To another it is since they can only imagine what it would be like, but to that who’s perception it is, it is very real.”

-It is merely a difference in belief and opinion, nothing else.
Something being “very real” TO A PERSON means it is by definition imaginary. Otherwise it wouldn’t be real to a person, but simply real.
The idea that something is real to me but not to you is incredibly stupid, and it is incorrect use of the word “real.”

“By calling humanity stupid in general you have assigned a value to yourself as intelligent, and the humanity as not.”

-So you consider intelligence good and stupidity bad? That’s your idea, not mine. Intelligence and stupidity are real things, not an opinion. Recognizing intelligence or stupidity does not mean liking or disliking it.
By the way, calling myself intelligent and calling humanity stupid would be a contradiction yknow.

“I don’t think you would be using the words torment/agony to describe a situation you are indifferent to or even enjoy going through.”

-It is torment and agony, that is not a value I’ve assigned to it but how it just is. No matter how much you deny something that’s happening, it’s still happening. No matter how much you convince yourself that something’s happening when it’s not, it isn’t happening.
If your body is acting up in some sort of pain/fear response, ignoring it doesn’t change anything. It’s not an opinion, not a choice.
I am not angry about my situation, or sad, or anything like that. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s very painful, nearly unbearable. It is torment, that’s what the word means, that is not some opinion.

“The experience of pain to the person feeling pain is the only way to feel pain, so again perceptions matter.”

-That whole paragraph is incorrect.
Pain is not some philosophical concept, it’s simple fucking neurology. Pain is a real thing that is not directly under our control. How much attention you pay to it doesn’t change how much of it is actually there, you’re still feeling it the same even if you’re not paying attention. It has the same effect.

” If someone with no sensation in their hand does not feel pain someone smashing their hand to putty with a hammer and someone with sensation in their hands does, where is the absoluteness of pain?”

-This does not support your claims, because the situation is completely different and cannot generate any evidence or relevant data.
The person with no sensation in their hand literally does not feel any pain at all, due to a lack of nerves or sever nerve damage or things like that. There is no pain to be felt.
If you take two identical people with functional nervous systems and intact hands, and smash their hands in an identical fashion, their pain will be identical. They may react to it differently, but the pain itself is identical.

“Interesting, so it’s like a separate entity. Does it react in parallel with your normal self?”

-No and no.
It’s not separate, it’s more like composite, modular or whatever.
The “other stuff” brings no opinion of the present moment, only “relevant” memories and theories.
The only way I can explain the phenomenon is that it’s like the stuff that’s supposed to be in the background is as upfront as my active mind. Like part of the subconscious not being very subconscious or something like that.

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Anonymous (64) (@) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Elion, I know exactly the shit. You have to realize that all those things you are thinking about are the ego. Spirituality exists outside the ego. In all situations let yourself flow to the spirituality and away from the ego. If faced with a decision and you can’t decide just remember the mantra ‘go away from the ego towards the light’. At least that is what I’m doing and I’m in the same situation x 6 months. I’ve gotten to a place where I can see the ego from a distant perspective and mentally use the light of spirituality to blot out the ego. Their is a bliss in the spiritual you can not find in the ego. I haven’t been able to reside in the light, but for now I can control it sometimes when life is overwhelming. I’m not out of it yet, so I don’t know whether my path is correct or not. But at least I thought I’d letter you know what someone else is doing that is caught in the same mental game you are. If you discover a way out, please let me know. I’ll do the same. We should probably find out if there are others stuck in this maze. Let’s keep in touch. I’m glad I found you. Peace. You are not alone.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Hey, i could relate to what your saying, heh……
For sleep you might want to try some supplements for a bit.
Melaton, GABA , 5-HTP ,and L-theanine Is really good for sleep.
When combined they produce a powerful sleeping effect, it’s almost comparable to alchohol or sleeping pills, but you get a deep, restful sleep.
Melatonin is virtually non-toxic according to my research , i used to get 40+ MG doses at once, frequently, without side effects, besides lucid dreams, deep sleep, increased duration of sleep(s), and increased sleeping overall, with minor grogginess while waking up.
I find developing a caffeine habit helps, using black tea, or black coffee (Maybe start it off with coffee, then later black tea, i prefer black tea, it seems easier on your body, and it’s more relaxing. ) because in the long-term, it’ll eventually help you get more sleep, especially when you can’t get up without it, The black tea isn’t as bad for your stomach as coffee so once you get a nice tolerance, you can use black tea to help ease caffeine withdrawal headaches.
I find the caffeine habit is worth any trouble you get from it, from my personal experience, it really helps.

Another thing too is try to get everything done during the day, keep your curtains shut, lights off, computer, etc, temperature comfortable, and atleast try to go to bed at night ( even if it means lying in bed for six hours counting to six thousand or sheep) , lots of fresh air helps.
Since your not eating maybe you should drink ome fruit juice, i’m talking about the 100% fruit juice, the tasty whole fruit kind, not the concentrate, for example, some orange juice has folate, magnesium, vitamin c, calcium, iron, potassium, and even extra calcium, but getting your 100% daily vitamin C or trying too real helps with stress, heck even oranges are pretty good for it.

I Don’t recommend drugs, especially if you don’t need them, but if your ADHD or ADD maybe some amphetamines or Methylphenidate, would help, i never tried amphetamines but methylphenidate can really calm you down, especially if your mind is all over the place.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

I’ve tried those supplements, barely makes a difference. If it was that easy I’d have it figured out 15 years ago.
Coffee and tea helps a bit, but that’s already a habit I’ve had for more than 10 years.

I do get things done in the day, I keep the curtains shut, I turn off the computer, I try to sleep, and so on. Good habits are something I value a lot.
Fruit juice makes me puke, and the sugar in it gives me a terrible headache.

I don’t have any of those disorders, amphetamines make me unbearably energetic.

Thanks for your input though, I appreciate it a lot.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

You might wanna add more niacin to your diet, or supplement it (niacin or nicotinic acid)
just getting more of that can give you dreams, and deep sleep even if you rarely dream.

Since i weigh about 170 lbs or so i would take
2-4mg melatonin (I like the higher doses, but whatever works)
0.9 grams to 2.4 grams of gaba (most i ever took was 2.4 grams)
40 to 60MG l-theanine
and around 4 to 8mg nicotinic acid/niacin (\I find if i get more of this nutrient, i sleep better)
This stuff can easily be bought from a pharmacy or health store.
Maybe a multi-vitamin would benefit you?
I only had good experiences with multi-vitamins.

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YoungGZtech (0) (@younggztech) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Elion,
I feel the same somewhat. Since maybe January or December my brain has not shut up or slowed down once. I don’t know how to stop it from zooming into a billion different ideas at once. I notice almost everything in every moment and I experience it fully and I love that but it is hard when others can’t really relate. I sometimes feel like I must be insane because I feel so different and like my brain is always racing and I feel like there is not much to read about for people who feel like this… I can’t remember if I used to feel this way before December or January….I think that either I did and just never noticed it as much, or something changed in me and my mind shifted. I also respond to situations emotionally and i could laugh at one thought one minute and cry at one thought the next….it is so intense!! I feel like others can’t handle my intensity….it sucks I feel so alone sometimes, but I think it might be comforting to know there are others like you out there. And I feel if you have this type of personality that you are now able to look up and admire geniuses because they are the same way. Famous composers and artists all had severe depression and problems because they thought so deeply all the time and it disturbed them…what’s helped me is to continue to constantly spark my imagination and get excited about my ability to think so intensely….Personally, I would try talking to a stranger or any one and asking them questions about things. This helps take me away from my own thoughts and helps me to think about how different people think differently…I hope this in any way helps!! You are not alone!!

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

But this is not some sudden change of mind for me, I’ve dealt with this stuff for as long as I can remember. I understand what you mean about emotional response, I’m just too used to it, it’s lost most of its effect.
Being comforted has never made anything better for me, only worse. Much worse. And I have no problem with loneliness, I don’t fear it, I don’t dislike it. Imagination can help me for a moment, then it just blows up in my face and makes everything worse.

I already have a habit of digging around other people’s minds, but it unfortunately doesn’t help me when this stuff happens.

Thanks for your input.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Sleep deprivation alone causes no appetite and strong acuteness of the senses. (This can cause the usually small sounds and noises disturb you and even cause physical pain so get rid of them or curse at them passionately) When your senses become sensitive and the stress piles up it can cause panic attacks and more disorder in your sleep. Mental restlessness alone is a good thing if your body feels strong. When over-stressed you don’t dream as much, which is important for getting better.

I got this a few months back and had nightmares which scared me more than anything in reality and couldn’t explain to myself why and how. All I needed was to shut the world off and sleep for 3 or more days straight until I start dreaming/curing naturally.

Personally I’d never take medicine for hyperactivity, that’s gonna hurt me more and I’m sure I’ll feel dead inside if I do. NEVER.

Another thing is you finding exactly the cause however impossible it may seem. My nightmares on elm street were embarrassing, I thought I hurt someone less strong than me and it was eating me more than my greatest fears but once I realized the root of it I found my peace.

Keep us updated.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Lemon juice, olive oil, creating music, hydration, sunflower seeds, natural environments, an astounding work of fiction, oranges, bananas, juiciest steak in the world, stunningly beautiful views (women), more creating music, helping strengthening a good friend, crying and laughing simultaneously just to feel yourself and clear your respiratory organs, watching your accomplishments in the mirror.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

And my lunatic monologue.

Crazy brains and getting back to being prolific as fuck. The key is energy. There’s a law in physics which explains that only not directing energy exhausts energy. We don’t gather much energy from outer sources or can be victims of energy vampires unless we stop directing our energy. Almost like we’re stupidly exhausting ourselves by our own inaction. 10 minutes lying down and taking walks in the middle of the night are more resting than doing nothing. Wisdom looking like craziness, probably even feeling like craziness keeps you you stress free, so hooray for craziness. If you’re eating or drinking junk, it isn’t junk and unhealthy if apportioned.

Bottom line – don’t suffocate the life of your hyperactivity. You’re only alive.

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Anonymous (291) (@) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

This. When it becomes to much, walk. Walk until you hear the silence. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked further into the whirlwind – and I understand how difficult that is. But don’t do nothing.

You need to remember how to breathe and focus on that.

I’ve never managed to figure out how to stop the breaks – but everything Sasho said is spot on in bringing on the calm.

Shit, if you need to let it out, talk. When that doesn’t cut it anymore, listen to music. When thats not enough, walk into the silence. Whatever pushed you into this, you will figure out.

Team Sasho and Alexa are here for you.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

What he said may be spot on for you, but it’s all stuff that I’ve already tried numerous times. Doesn’t work.

I’ve already walked too much, I have huge rashes all over my thighs, and I don’t have the energy to walk any longer distance.
I know how to breathe, and breathing has always a conscious thing for me. Except when I sleep, of course.

Music… well my ears are too fatigued to tell volume and pitch, so everything sounds like crap. That’s because I’ve listened too much in the last couple of days. And I can’t just listen normally to a song when I’m like this, there’s always something that bugs me and I feel compelled to fix the problem. Yesterday I spent five hours dissecting and reshaping a stones track because the mix annoyed me something awful, I had to remaster it to get some peace of mind. And then I realised the song itself wasn’t even that good, time well spent…

Talking is no use, it just makes things worse. When I’m in this state, everyone is just so fucking annoying and disappointing and fake, I can’t relax around them.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Mixing is the most subjective thing. I’ve been on a frenzy composing music wave for 2 weeks on a shitty laptop sound because I get really fucking cranky if I don’t. Right now I’m thinking about buying this Focusrite Scarlett Studio in the next month or two because I’m on a budget and won’t be able to afford something better. I hope it does the job when I lock myself in my room with my keyboard for eternity. Actually it’s my dream because I convince myself that I don’t need anything else. As for the condition you’re in right now, all I do when nothing works is rant creatively. I’d make a ranting creative song if I could. But for now I just write. Then perhaps cut the aggressive parts and make it funny. Or not. I really hate some things.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

It’s not about the subjective aspect. I felt like the song needed a renovation, those 60s records tend to sound like shite, and I envisioned how cool the song would be if it was clean and overprocessed like a modern rock song. Sounded even worse.

The Scarlett stuff is awesome, my buddy has it.
Funny sidenote, I just ruined a perfectly fine Bs-20, bent the circuits thinking it would make the thing sound less boring. Now it sounds terrible.

I’ve already written a whole bunch of songs like that in the last couple of days, it does help to some degree, but it’s not working miracles.
Few things are as funny as aggression though.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

“There’s no comedy without conflict.” – Mime from HE

I miss that marvelous fucker.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Love, man. Love. The Beatles knew and pissed off everyone. That’s how you piss the world off when there’s something so obviously wrong with it. That’s how you stop the tormenting agony. Piss them the fuck off with love.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Mime was a piss stain, he should have left earlier.

Many great things can be said about the Beatles, but there’s nothing really clever or provocative about what they did. Lennon stopped being cool when he met Yoko, god damn how lame he became.
I bet that pissed a lot of people off, but I don’t know.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Um… not really. He was actually a really smart guy. And immensely helpful on PM. I’m still thankful for some of his advices when something tormented me… can’t forget that.

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Anonymous (0) (@) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Lenon is dope! One of the coolest guy to walk the Earth.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

How relevant…

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Well, the sleep deprivation isn’t causing these concentration anomalies, I’ve always been like that. I don’t really find the stuff annoying either. Sleep deprivation and hunger oddly enough have very little effect on my mental performance, it only hurts me physically.

Stress is not much of a factor, there’s very little stress in my life. Life is good, health is good, I always dream a lot, I’m generally very positive, centred and peaceful.
Even during this shitstorm I’m in, my conscious mind is just fine. I’m happy, feeling strong, but all this terrible shit is happening simultaneously, like a parallel consciousness or something. I feel three or four different moods at once, that directly contradict each other.

Even if I wanted to resort to medicine, it doesn’t work. I don’t have ADHD or anything like it, the shrinks I’ve seen all claim that I’m neurotypical.

I’ve been looking for the cause for the last 16 years, just haven’t found it.
I don’t fear embarrassment, shame, and stuff like that. It’s just ego, I don’t give a shit.

As for the other stuff, I don’t get it. I already made it clear that eating and socialising are both out of the question. Yeah I can look at the beauties in pictures or whatever, I could help a friend or stranger over the phone or internet, but actually dealing directly with another person would just make me go berserk. Astounding works of fiction do more harm than help.
And I can’t force myself to laugh or cry when I’m in this state.

I am not inactive, I do not stifle my energy. I embrace it and make the most of it as best I can.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

I don’t think anyone has ADHD. Don’t underestimate fiction, some art is only made to take you closer to the versatile truth than non-fiction that looks more like media. I think you just have to find what will most suit you and your gifts, and I don’t know what that is. For me, Thomas Harris’ books help a bit to get in touch with my empathy to extremely violent people. The little prince makes me get in touch with my extremely kind side. It’s rewarding for me to understand what kind of a freak I am or could be. Parallel consciousness though… I don’t think that’s a real thing.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

What’s so hard to understand?
It’s not a matter of underestimating something, it’s a matter of characters and events being stupid, disgusting and annoying.

Of course parallel consciousness is not a real thing. I compared it to the concept to describe the situation.

“Anyone? There are some pretty innocent people”

-Yeah anyone. Except small children and really old people. And family.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

“but actually dealing directly with another person would just make me go berserk”

Anyone? There are some pretty innocent people out there. (Said the colossal douchebag) But still.

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Benjamin (18) (@benjayk) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Perhaps you can find peace regardless, even if you have no clue how?

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

I wouldn’t recommend going berserk, it can ruin relationships, lol i went berserk a few times, and the own mind haunting you thing with excess energy, i been there, seriously i was probably a genius, i could tell everything going on (as far as i know), memorize it, somehow experience it over again through memory, put it in words very easily, write it down, and look for more words so i have a bigger vocabulary, while thinking about the past, present and future, i resorted to smoking large amounts of marijuana which gave me a good laugh, and it allowed me to let go, since it just fades your mind, for me anyway, tobacco seems to claim my nerves, it can shift a bad restless day into a good one, and the last one was the drug class of Benzodiazepine, in particular xanax, and klonopin which come with serious side effects, which would put me in a dumbfounded state, those are the easy ways out of a great mind.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

My bad, didn’t see one of your posts about the medications, maybe look at health store, lol they got all types of stuff there, but those benzodiazepines basically eventually burn you out, so your problems kind of dissipate, sometimes i would exercise for 8+ hours a day… or usually about 4 hours, and i can understand that hunger just hurts you, i don’t feel hunger much or mental performance affected much by not eating, i actually went without barely eating for about a month, and i stayed up for about a week at a time.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

And what do you mean I should do with the stuff from the health store? Look at it? Snort it? Decorate my neighbour’s house with it?
It’s just a hype anyway, all about the munnay… there are no deficiencies in my normal diet.

I can’t exercise more than I already have, I’m really exhausted.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

I don’t know, read the label?, i know you can snort melatonin, it kinda knocks you out, LMFAO! and you can pop some too so you can get TIME RELEASED EFFECT.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

I don’t know, but if you think if it this way, if you use something it’ll eventually run out, just an idea, maybe a vacation or something will help, i don’t know how your experiences relate to mine, just don’t let anyone pressure you on how to run your life, those people you feel as annoying and fake probably are in some way or another, i wouldn’t be scared of being judged by them, you gotta take action, nothing is gonna change if you stay the same, start a project? i started looking into hydroponics, i’ll probably start that soon, i just need some grass from outside, yeah you gotta really expend yourself sometimes, that’s how shit gets done.
maybe dissociatives would help such as dextromethorphan, this can really detach you
and it gives you a different perspective, it’s almost psychedelic, your like a detached outsider viewing through eyes, no pain or agitation, it can change how you view things, example, a really annoying person is viewed as nothing, it doesn’t affect you in anyway whatsoever when it usually would make you rage, just do your own research, gravol can make you sleep but i don’t think these are considered ‘medications’ and can have other effects on blood pressure, which most drugs that change your mood do.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

A vacation? From what?
I’m already isolated in the woods by the way.

What makes you think I’m letting anyone pressure me into anything. Why would I do that?

Everyone is fake it seems, tragicomedy at its finest eh… I just can’t stand it.
I don’t need another project, and I don’t need more change, that shit is already handled. If it was something like that, I’d have it figured out many years ago.

How many times would one have to tell you that drugs don’t work before you understand what that simple sequence of words means?
DXM sucks anyway.. And if I wanted dissociation I could just meditate.
When I say drugs don’t work, I mean drugs don’t work. I’ve used substances you probably would never consider trying, and substances you’ve probably never heard of. I wouldn’t say it doesn’t work if I didn’t know for a fucking fact that it doesn’t. And that applies not only to drugs, but also to meditation and cure-alls and all that jazz. I wouldn’t ask for help if I hadn’t tried it all.

How would you know how I usually react to things? That’s right, you have no clue. Usually NOTHING would make me rage.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

idgaf, it was just an idea, doesn’t affect me, i already said i know nothing about you, i just gave you a nice summary of what has worked in the past, as for any substances, don’t even go there, those are last resorts and anyone can do them, as long as their not allergic or anything, i’m not impressed nor am i impressed about the 40+ mind altering substances (or drugs, whatever you wanna call them) i did, if you don’t like my advice don’t take it, you mentioned you had some form of distraction before, that’s all i was giving you, another forms of distraction, so what if i got a sense of humor?
i forgot to mention that i suffered from depression about 2 years, and i got over it by myself, not with direct help from other people.
anyways i got some stuff to do, i’ll check out this topic later, maybe i’ll have some sort of epiphany by then, peace out, bro.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

You suffered from depression for 2 years? That’s so much, bro, I don’t know how you’re still alive and not whining for the rest of your days. This is history. I’ve had 4 near death experiences without the need to mention it. Do you seriously think it’s great to be bragging about how you got over being a bitch?? Chop firewood and aim for your head, master.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

I’m a human being that eats, sleeps and lives, how else would i be alive?, do you even know what depression is? you know that i’m not actually bragging? i’m actually trying to help in order to find a solution to problems, i’m not looking to get off topic, so quit it, you think i’m an animal or something? lol, I got a fair amount of knowledge, i’m sure most of you do, and i just offered my service.
did your near death experience(s) teach you anything at all relevant to this topic?
what’s your point? was this merely a confrontation of some sort or did you just tempt me to reply?
i came on and posted just trying to help.

i mentioned them drugs and depression which was pretty relevant to the topic, i’m a human, i make mistakes, i didn’t mean to come off as ‘bragging’ if that’s what it seemed like.
Don’t come into a topic about mental illness or some other form of distress and tell us about them if it’s not true, depression doesn’t mean you whine, or it doesn’t mean your a bitch either if that’s what your getting into, you might wanna think about this.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

You’re so proud of yourself, a little more and I’m gonna puke, seriously. Thanks for explaining,

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

The semi-relevant information you presented was already dispelled in the OP and/or in the first couple of replies.
Near death experiences are very enlightening, and also relevant. This feels quite similar to one.

You’re not the first to be offended by Sasho, far from it. But he’s right yknow. You do come across as a bit of a showoff and a bit whiny.

I still appreciate your input, but I don’t think there’s any reason to continue with this off-topic stuff. If you want to talk about this stuff with Sasho or me, do it via PM. That’s how it’s supposed to be done.

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YHVH (462) (@spaceghost) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

your depression is like way more legit bro.

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YHVH (462) (@spaceghost) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Fuck DXM.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

Wouldn’t recommend it… as if it was something I wanted to do…

Pot is no good, I got rid of that shit a long time ago.
Tobacco just makes my veins hurt.
I already explained that Benso only makes me see weird shit, doesn’t affect my mood or energy.

I’m not looking for a way out of my mind, I’m looking for a way to get rid of this brain ghost.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 6 years, 2 months ago ago

I tend to do what i what, when i want, where ever i want, and i disregard judgemental people, i love to be alone, and my friends are really passionate about stuff, so there’s no feelings of fake, i get what your saying about that part, it’s like someone invented a show with you involved, the best thing to do is not to let anything get in the way, if you don’t like someone you don’t have to surround yourself with them, it’s either your choice or their choice to interact with you, so if you feel better without some stuff than leave it at that, which is what i do, i could care less about everything, everyones pretty lucky i don’t, music is good too, i like playing video games, that way i can take my issues out on people, i hope you feel better soon, after all we’re supposed to be living.

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