How to stop the tormenting agony?

 Manimal (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago

Hello, HEthens.
I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I’ve seen that there’s a lot of people here who are or have been dealing mental and emotional problems, and it seems to be a popular topic.
And I could really use some help.

First of all, let me explain my situation.
I have a very hyperactive brain, I always thought it was normal but a few years ago I realized that it wasn’t at all. Far from it.
To clarify, I’ll give an example.

As I’m typing this I want to focus all my attention on the computer, but I’m distracted by a fly that’s crawling on the window. Not just looking at it crawl, but also trying to predict its movement. At the same time, I can’t help but try to figure out the frequency of an electronic humming background noise, I’m pretty sure it’s at 58hz. Meanwhile, I’m humming an original melody that I haven’t heard before, while my feet are tapping the rhythm of a different song out of context. While this is all happening, I’m swept away by old memories that are in no way relevant to my situation, and at the same time I’m thinking of someone I was supposed to meet tomorrow, while also contemplating about the meaning of life and having a sexual fantasy. Seeing the appearing text in the corner of my vision, I cannot help but wonder which is the best letter in the alphabet.
And all the while, I’m counting to four over and over, a process that’s been going on without pause since the day I learned to count to four.
But I have no problem typing this out simultaneously, my fingers know what to do.

That’s just the everyday shenanigans that I’m used to, that’s not the problem I’m here to talk about.
(And while it sure gets annoying sometimes, the advantages outweigh the “curse” as it lets me learn really fast and remember really well and such things. People say I’m “gifted” and stuff like that.)

I know some of you are already thinking: “Dude, you just gotta meditate. It’s the one solution.”
Well, the thing is… I’ve been meditating almost daily since I was 8. It has had many positive effects, but it hasn’t affected my hyperactivity.
And, like I said, it really doesn’t prevent me from focusing and doing things. It’s not the issue.

The problem is that my mind sometimes spins out of control, goes into overdrive and things get really fucked up.
It’s like when you put a live instrument or microphone right up against its amp/speaker and it creates this nasty feedback loop that just keeps getting louder and louder.
So the example I provided above is just the tip of the iceberg that’s wrecking havoc in my head right now. There’s lots of really overwhelming, painful shit whirling around in there.

My chest feels like it’s about to implode.
I’m trembling.
My skin is numb, I can’t feel a thing.
I haven’t eaten in five days.
In those five days, I’ve only had half an hour of sleep. 30 minutes of sleep paralyzed night terror, waking up soaked in cold sweat.
There’s this nasty tingly feeling along my whole back and head, and it keeps growing.
My insides feel like they have a life of their own, like nothing is in order.
Everything hurts feels so heavy, even the air. And despite this, I feel no fatigue, I’m overflowing with hyperactivity.

This has happened to me several times before. But it’s never been this intense, and there’s always been something to keep me at bay, or something that can distract me, or something that makes it stop. But this time it’s different.

As for the typical cure-all sort of stuff, none of it works.
Meditation just makes it worse.
Sex makes it a lot worse.
Drugs only make it more intense.
Being comforted or pampered makes it literally unbearable.
Exercising makes me feel better for the moment, until I collapse in a starving, sleep depraved bundle of misery.
And I cannot sleep, nor force myself to eat.

But just waiting for it to pass, it feels like forever. These last five days have felt like six months, time’s almost standing still. I’m so sick of it, I can’t stand this shit any more. I’ve had more than enough.

That’s why I came here asking for help.
If anyone has any good advice or anything like it, I beg you, please help me.

Thanks in advance.
Peace and love
//Elion

April 19, 2014 at 5:55 pm
Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

oK. so this is why you don’t get human conduct lol..

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

look who’s talking…

Piss off if you have nothing relevant to say.

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Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Make me piss off…

I just see why you have a tumour… Actually I do get human conduct, seemingly you like me to be “nice” to be despite you insulting me, based on some idiotic spiritualistic nonsense.. lol..

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Hilarious. I don’t want you to be nice, I want you to piss off.
If you think I’m a spiritualist, you clearly don’t have the slightest trace of reading comprehension.
Nobody likes you, nobody cares about your butthurt shitposting. Begone.

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Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

I like you claim to project for all…

I can see why you have mental issues….lol…..and a large ego, since you reckon I must like you..

i personally don’t care, just you attack me i attack you, simple. Don’t accept the world to welcome you because your own values/upbringing say so..lol.. I’m looking to see how you’ll make me piss off, though I’ll lurk to see your mental issue unfold.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

“I like you”

-Big surprise…

“I can see why you have mental issues”

-It seems you don’t understand what the word ‘why’ means or how it’s supposed to be used in a sentence.

“and a large ego, since you reckon I must like you..”

-And now you’re denying what you said two sentences earlier.

“i personally don’t care, just you attack me i attack you, simple.”

-Your trolling is so lousy. You pop up and drop shit that nobody asked for, and then you act like someone else started it. It’s a habit of yours, and it’s pathetic.

If you tried to not be such a shit in real life, you wouldn’t feel a need for internet antagonism.
It seems you’re the only one who cannot see through your pathetic illusion.

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Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

eh? I’d frankly forgotten about this.

I don’t know you to like, just like in a different context. Apart from poor understanding of English idioms (Asperger’s?) I don’t seek to antagonise anybody, but then you told me to fuck off and now you expect me to be nice to you lol….

Actually, I think you do have Asperger’s, since you’re a bit mind-blind…

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Poor understanding of idioms? No, your spelling and grammar is terrible, especially your punctuation. I make the most of it, have some fun with it, that’s all.

You clearly don’t know how Asperger’s works… you sure like to claim to know what diseases and ailments people have, although you know nothing. It’s as if you’re 12.

Oh, and just a reminder… piss off!

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Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Is or are? lol.. whatever, this isn’t an essay… I had actually forgotten about this for most of the day…meh..such is life, eh?

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YHVH (462) (@spaceghost) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Also it seems like you’re fighting it. Have you tried just giving in? Embracing it?

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Did you forget your medication or something? Your abridged, pseudo-intellectual nonsense got old a long time ago.

I wouldn’t have said that I count to 4 if I don’t.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Mime was a piss stain, he should have left earlier.

Many great things can be said about the Beatles, but there’s nothing really clever or provocative about what they did. Lennon stopped being cool when he met Yoko, god damn how lame he became.
I bet that pissed a lot of people off, but I don’t know.

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Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

I find it funny he is seeking compassion here, but then is hardly the most congenial of people lol..

He’d tell me to “fuck off”..as if this will or can prevent me from posting lol.. I don’t think he’s as confident as he makes out, I don’t care it’s only a stranger online..

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YHVH (462) (@spaceghost) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Wow I’m just trying to help you don’t have to be rude and condescending. Go sit in your fucking tower and count to five, that shit was uncalled for. You’re asking for help and just shitting on me for trying.

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hero0ftime (0) (@walker1474) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

I’m a human being that eats, sleeps and lives, how else would i be alive?, do you even know what depression is? you know that i’m not actually bragging? i’m actually trying to help in order to find a solution to problems, i’m not looking to get off topic, so quit it, you think i’m an animal or something? lol, I got a fair amount of knowledge, i’m sure most of you do, and i just offered my service.
did your near death experience(s) teach you anything at all relevant to this topic?
what’s your point? was this merely a confrontation of some sort or did you just tempt me to reply?
i came on and posted just trying to help.

i mentioned them drugs and depression which was pretty relevant to the topic, i’m a human, i make mistakes, i didn’t mean to come off as ‘bragging’ if that’s what it seemed like.
Don’t come into a topic about mental illness or some other form of distress and tell us about them if it’s not true, depression doesn’t mean you whine, or it doesn’t mean your a bitch either if that’s what your getting into, you might wanna think about this.

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josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

energy is naturally infinite

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Seeking compassion? I was merely asking for advice. If I wanted compassion for some stupid reason… I’d just ask family and friends. Have you heard of such things?

“He told me to fuck off boohoo” look at you seeking sympathy, and then claiming I’m the one doing it. Priceless.
So despite me being a stranger on the internet, you can’t just not care? You gotta keep posting shit that nobody wants to read… and you say you don’t care haha. You’re a fucking joke.
I bet you get a kick out of this shit, fruitlessly trying to hurt people through the internet. Pathetic. You have issues.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Very funny…

You are not wanted here, you add no value here. Anyone with at least half a brain would leave under those circumstances.

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YHVH (462) (@spaceghost) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Look at you harassing me. I know I don’t belong here. You don’t either. Your ego keeps you here because of all your worshipers. What keeps me here? I’m here because this place is a joke, and it’s a good one. I stay because sometimes you find good insights. Some are even from you. You must think I’m joking in my previous comments but I’m not. It really sucks getting shit on like you just did. What was wrong with what I said? I don’t deserve that. Not for trying to help. I thought you were above that. You’re just a lunatic. Know what you need? A labotomy.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

The fact that you’re calling another person a lunatic. Priceless.
The fact that you act like you’ve been trying to help. Priceless.
The fact that you act like you’ve been shit on. Priceless.
The fact that you can’t spell lobotomy. Priceless.

You see a thread where a person asks for help with a serious problem, and you think it’s ok to use that for your own stupid ego entertainment?

That’s fucked up. Get a fucking life.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

What’s that supposed to mean? How is that related to the discussion?
I mean, come on.

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josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

honestly, ive never read any post you have ever written ever. just adding my few cents. ignore me.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Um… not really. He was actually a really smart guy. And immensely helpful on PM. I’m still thankful for some of his advices when something tormented me… can’t forget that.

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Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

er….no lol.. yes, I have family and friends…duh… lol..

Just your assured persona and then nonsense like this thread is amusing. I honestly don’t care, we humans have numerous motivations for doing things. In this case, I’m having fun whilst rounding my shift at work and planning what I need/want from life….yes, work and foresight, evil..eh?

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

You’re so proud of yourself, a little more and I’m gonna puke, seriously. Thanks for explaining,

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

The semi-relevant information you presented was already dispelled in the OP and/or in the first couple of replies.
Near death experiences are very enlightening, and also relevant. This feels quite similar to one.

You’re not the first to be offended by Sasho, far from it. But he’s right yknow. You do come across as a bit of a showoff and a bit whiny.

I still appreciate your input, but I don’t think there’s any reason to continue with this off-topic stuff. If you want to talk about this stuff with Sasho or me, do it via PM. That’s how it’s supposed to be done.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Ok, I will.

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