I am angry.

Anonymous (@) 9 years ago

This is a rant.

I can’t believe in love or beauty or passion or goodness or God or hapiness or peace and I don’t know what to do with my life in the absence of these ideas. I have tried just doing absolutely nothing and I have tried just seeking pleasure. I find no meaning in anything. I try to look within and out in the world for signs of these things and I find nothing that I can trust and put my faith in. It is tremendously agonizing. I had read a lot and I still find no answers. I have had a headache for months and months.

January 22, 2013 at 5:01 am
Tine (366) (@tine) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica,

also, i theorize that everyone is the same at their core, but different due to the unique circumstances that make up their perspective, so, general suggestions of happiness may or may not be applicable to your particular situation

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Anonymous (359) (@) 9 years ago ago

@tine,
I guess that the things that have always made up my identity and meaning now seem untrue and unreal. I have always been very empathetic, intuitive, and expressive. I am exceptionally sensitive and perceptive and these aspects of myself felt like a soul or heart. And I felt called to that realm of activities and pastimes.

What made sense in life to me clashed with my catholic-school upbringing, but I believed in a loving god. Then I began to view power and beauty more as a divine source inside myself that was immortal and eternal and would get bigger when the physical world fell away in death. Feeling that god was a separate entity you had to appeal to for guidance and virtue seemed to negate the love within the human heart that was already there.

I believed in the light I could radiate to other people and I felt like when I connected with others I was connecting with their soul. And I wanted to help other people connect to their own unending beauty and power.

But the more I sense and accept the emptiness and void within each person and the world around me the more I see no source of beauty and power, and because these are such abstract and undefinable concepts they seem as made up as god himself.

Recent life events like being involved in a love triangle with my boyfriend of three years and his best friend/cousin complicated the idea of love even more and now I feel unable to base my existence around the concepts of love, beauty, and power like I used to. So I am nothing but emptiness and thoughts and inactivity. Plus I have been in a serious depression and dropped out of school and have to decide what to do with my life right now.

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Anonymous (359) (@) 9 years ago ago

@manimal, this is inspiring and helpful.

Feelings of hollowness are not a bad sign, they’re a sign of awareness. The void cannot be filled, not even temporarily, not really. It doesn’t need to be filled. “Void” is our natural state, conscious people will always feel a bit “empty.” It’s not a bad thing, not even a bad feeling. Bad feelings come from your reaction to it, not from the situation itself.

Thank you. I will try to try this for a while

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Tine (366) (@tine) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica,

–catholic-school upbringing–

+

–Then I began to view power and beauty more as a divine source inside myself that was immortal and eternal–

+

–being involved in a love triangle–

=

being in over you head? i ask because, power and beauty as primary motivators is usually a sign of self deceit

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Alex (27) (@brainnectar) 9 years ago ago

@manimal that was very well articulated, I couldn’t agree with you any more or said it any better myself.

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dr. hamsa (42) (@s7221919) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica, I think you are closer to enlightenment than you think. What can we really know for sure? How do we know it’s not all a dream? The thing that I’m most sure of is that we are all deeply and intricately connected on many levels. And while there seems to me to be some guiding force, we all seem to be making it up as we go along. Our goal in life is to find our goal in life, and spread peace and love.

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Tine (366) (@tine) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica,

–But the more I sense and accept the emptiness and void within each person and the world around me the more I see no source of beauty and power,–

what you see in others is usually a reflection of self

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Anonymous (359) (@) 9 years ago ago

@tine, hahaha yes

when i say beauty I mean compassion, love, acceptance, creativity, authenticity and by power I mean the will and trust in your actions and capabilities

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Anonymous (359) (@) 9 years ago ago

@tine, I would also use passion to describe power because you want to get something done

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Anonymous (359) (@) 9 years ago ago

@tine, I think the void is real and not a projection, but it can be viewed positively or negatively. I think I have a hard time seeing it as positive but I can sometimes.

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica, The void is as real as you want to make it. There is no void if you do not believe it or understand it, just as there is no love and empathy if you do not do the same with them.

You truly are the designer of such concepts, and reality is your canvas.

If you choose (because you ARE choosing this) to ignore love, ignore empathy, ignore bliss and cast them off as illogical, useless, or otherwise, then you must deal with that.

Let me explain what you are doing to yourself from my perspective, from this thread:

“Love, bliss, meditation (etc) are illogical, and foolish in comparison to anger, and the ‘serious’ suffering in the world. Thus they are not real.”

But then you are fooling yourself and claiming that they are not real in reality when in fact it is your projection that destroyed them.

You cannot disbelieve in love and bliss, and then search for them.
You have to believe in them and you will find them.

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Edward Bernays (131) (@edwardbernays) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica, as I’ve mentioned to you before in previous posts, I’ve just been down this same path very recently. You’re fearing love, passion, happiness, etc., like most people. Life’s very peculiar and fragile when you think of it. There’s really no right or wrong way to go about it, no set path. It’d be way fucking easier if their was a diagram to follow. But isn’t that the beauty of it? You have to make it your own.

When we are born we’re handed this blank book, with no set page limit and no specified plot. Everyone must write their own story in it. Some are comedies, some are tragedies, others are stories of sorrow and sacrifice. The possibilities are endless. Some are long, some are short. Some have happy/positive endings others don’t. So why not make the best fucking story possible? Thus, fill your book with your own meaning. Make it something you’d wanna reread over and over if you had the time.

As I’ve also mentioned to you before, embrace the unknown. Never fear it. Never fear that which you cannot control or ever know.

Finally, one final activity that I do when I’m feeling the emptiness inside, when I’m thinking whats the fucking point of all this? What difference will it make? Why does it matter? I simply appreciate. So, if you feel inclined, please tell me 3 things you appreciate RIGHT NOW.

-E.Bernays

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Anonymous (359) (@) 9 years ago ago

@edwardbernays, There are lots of things I really appreciate :)
The snow outside, my dog, the ring on my finger, my house, my best friend, all the HEthens that talk to me, the sun, the artwork around me.

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Anonymous (359) (@) 9 years ago ago

@ijesuschrist, I am working on it.. the emptiness seems more real than the fullness. I will try to change my perception and decide to look for the abundance rather than the void. I like the idea of accepting that the void is neutral and then I will stop feeling it as a negative thing.

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possiblehubris (72) (@possiblehubris) 9 years ago ago

@beyond, Wow I love hearing your thoughts…everytime.

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Tom (5) (@td0034) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica,

Life as we know it is full of shit, and as you probably gathered from the sheer number of people offering you advice on here, we have all been there and all looking, or found our own ways of getting through. There is nothing to say you cant do the same, in time!
If its a sense of purpose you’re looking for, by all means search, but don’t forget to live along the way, make every moment count. Because the only thing timeless about you is the memory in the minds you’ve touched. Maybe just try going out of your way for those you love, those you hate and even those you don’t even know,.. it sure makes me feel better!!

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Harper (5) (@captaincrunch5) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica I think everyone struggles with this to a certain extent at some point in their life. Just stop thinking so hard and obsessing over the reasons behind everything and such. You just need to simplify your life and things will fall into place; you’re really confused from what I can tell… Deal with things as they come and don’t over-think everything and worry so much

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Simon Phoenix (15) (@simonphoenix) 9 years ago ago

me too

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coxy (3) (@coxy) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica, “Plus I have been in a serious depression and dropped out of school and have to decide what to do with my life right now.”

this imo, is huge part of your current problem. Ill bet that youre worried, nervous and stressed by the idea that you future is so uncertain and I bet people around you are pressuring you into making life decisions right now. I know this because im in a similar boat and nothing grinds my gears more than when someone asks me what i want to do with my life. how the hell am i supposed to know??

i havent found a solution to this problem, just thought id highlight it :p

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Anonymous (177) (@) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica, Wow, lots of caring people posting to you, and thanx for offering more info as to your current situation and some background. My first wife, the mother of our two children, had an affair which resulted in divorce. When I discovered the affair it truly knocked me off my feet. I could barely sleep or eat, and lost some 60 pounds (which didn’t hurt anything) – point is, my comfortable “world” up until then was turned upside down and inside out. My life was, for all intents and purposes, blown away. It was not pleasant at the time, BUT, resulted in an eventual watershed period in this life and turning point, so to speak. So, while horrible at the time, it resulted in a “me” today that would never have existed had it all never occurred. Certainly, too, life and the things familiar and such did not look the same. Perhaps for you, the things you’ve listed never will again. Maybe that’s okay? Dropping out of school may seem some terrible thing – but, it’s a matter of opinion, actually – of which you maybe have received some – but yours is the one that counts. You mentioned something about the “void” being neutral. Actually, isn’t everything? Meaning, life events, thoughts, ideas, etc. are ALL neutral – it is how WE paint them, weigh them, measure them, compare them, judge them – right? Maybe just ride it out – take the mentions and responses you’ve received, along with your own gut feelings – and see where it goes. Try not to despair nor forecast any type of outcome. That is unknown. Peace, Love & Light ~ ricky (P.S. I feel that you will come out of this just fine and pretty content with the person there)

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Almeida (304) (@xetado) 9 years ago ago

Don’t be angry! I love you and bet many other people does too! High Existence’s writers are awesome, have some look at any of these posts that attract you: https://www.highexistence.com/category/happiness/
Peace and love <3

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Nature (67) (@stefan) 9 years ago ago

@anjelica,
” but if you had a question about how I got to this place I would gladly answer… it was more hoping someone would understand and help me see the piece I am missing that is keeping me unhappy.”

There is no piece which you are missing that is keeping you unhappy… you just created that idea.

@beyond,
Who do you refer to as ”fake people” ?

Fake positive bullshit is as fake as fake negative bullshit.

Most of our negative emotions are created by us: Our conditioned beliefs and so on.
If someone gets fired, he can choose to react negatively with negative emotions and continue dwelling in them because: ”Omg i just got fired this means that I might be broke, maybe i’m not hard working blablabla”- a stupid fake story one creates associated with the situation. In the same way he chose to dwell in his story and negative reaction about it, he can realize that there is no point in reacting negatively and in order to move forward he must let go of his ideas and beliefs about it (which create the negative emotion in the first place) and view it as an opportunity.

This is not about denying your emotions. It’s about realizing that you’ve created those emotions and are still holding on to the ideas and concepts which are associated with negative emotions, which don’t even serve you- so you no longer have to react in the same way.

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 9 years ago ago

@stefan, I said it on the end of my post, you don’t pay enough attention. Fake people are those that don’t show sincere emotions. That’s a whole lot of people, but what’s ugly isn’t the fact that people become fake, it’s because it’s, roughly speaking, not uplifting to watch them twist their emotional state in order to look good by the social norms.

I was angry at something and decided to rant. What’s wrong with that? But I am curious about negative emotions not serving you. Emotions won’t serve you if you fool yourself they were never there. You can react however you choose if you’re in control, I’m just saying that not expressing them is going to make you lie to yourself in front of somebody else. The only reason negative emotions don’t serve you is if you let them build inside you and if it becomes a habit to react in a negative way, otherwise they serve you pretty well if you want to get in touch with yourself. I was talking about anger though, not your example of worrying, that’s different, because anger sometimes could release the energy of worrying, ergo the reason to rant and vent. You can react however you feel as long as you know why. But I’m wrong, you don’t have to care why to let out your strongest emotions. It’s risky if you’re not sure of your basic intentions.

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angel alchemy (15) (@angedoll) 9 years ago ago

Anger is always the mirrored image of a more vulnerable emotion, your anger is actually your experience of fear, loneliness, feeling overwhelmed and unable to understand the things around you. it’s also natural, so don’t be too hard on yourself darling. try to practice self kindness, you can be your own best friend, or worst enemy.

I read something recently which said that thoughts are self actualising, that they directly transform to action and physical matter through your intention. Thus, if you truly keep thinking that love and beauty etc cannot, and DO NOT exist… that is how you will perceive reality. by doubting and longing for these things, you are in fact reinforcing that you DO NOT have peace, or experience beauty, or anything. The way to experience life is not to doubt or to assume but to just BE. If you focus on being, you will start to recognise the beauty in life. if you try to be mindful and breathe and just notice the beauty in the world around you, and think that ‘the world must have x, y, z’ then surely eventually your experience of life will start to change? :)

It’s tough, I felt like you for a long time too. the first step, is within you, not around you.

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