Let me tell you, I feel like an utter failure right now. Yesterday, I was fired, again. I was fifteen minutes late for my shift and couldn’t alert anyone because I’m behind on my phone bill. The manager who fired me has been late by half an hour or more many times, and also never called to tell anyone, so it kinda stings a bit more than it should. I held my tongue for the most part, as I signed the papers saying that I did what I did and understand the “consequences”, I did kind of share my frustrations with him, though. I said that it was funny how I would have given a two weeks notice out of respect but the moment I become inconvenient or defiant I’m out the door. I’m twenty years old, I shouldn’t still be getting punished for stepping out of line.
I had this job for only three months. Before that, I had worked at Walmart for a year and a half until I broke my foot on the job. Of course, I was fired.
I was feeling a little angry (okay, very angry) because my angel oracle cards had said to expect a miracle that day if I didn’t give in to fear. I was feeling oddly afraid of going in to work and wanted to call in, but stuck it out for the miracle. It felt like a cruel joke at the time. But now I’m starting to think that maybe the big fat lemon life lobbed my way yesterday was indeed a miracle. Maybe it’s just what I needed.
I’ve been unhappy with all of my real jobs so far. My friend, who has been waiting tables at Olive Garden for three and a half years now and is an alcoholic because of it at the age of twenty-two, told me I just have a bad work ethic and need to suck it up because everyone hates their job. It’s life.
I had explained to him that we can expect maybe 75 years of life, and I really don’t want to spend the best years of it working in hopes of surviving long enough to retire, if I can. I want to see every inch of our planet, not just my little corner, which I would more than likely be firmly anchored to by my job. I don’t want to spend 40 hours a week (which is a quarter of your awake life) doing something I hate and then being too exhausted after to do what I love. No kid, all I’ve wanted to do lately is lay in bed. I might be mildly depressed.
But that’s where my train of thought ends. I am jobless, so I’ve gotten that far. But now I don’t know what to do as my next step. I have $200 and no real financial demands right now, so it wouldn’t be the worst thing to remain jobless for a little bit. I want to be an artist but I don’t know how to start! Right now I’ve just got a small insta account (@kalellena) which isn’t really doing too much for me haha.
Thank you for this post, and before I continue, let me say right off the bat you are NOT a failure. I’ve seen and experienced quite a bit of the same dissatisfaction after graduating from college and being loosed upon the “real world.” I saw myself jumping from job to job armed with only a liberal arts college degree in my arsenal. I was surviving, but I wasn’t living. Like you, I decided to take a break from the rat race for a little and do some internal journeying. I can confidently say that had I not done this I would never have truly learned what my calling was. One of the most important things in life is to understand yourself – understand your character, your passions, your ambitions.
You are not are not a failure for experiencing the consequences of a rigged game, but you have to become a trailblazer now. Use this time to examine youself like you’ve never done before. Really start asking yourself the tough questions in terms of what is going to make you grow as a person the most. Those that feel that life is a series of paychecks and bills are not growing, they are simply coasting through life with blinders on like a workhorse that doesn’t know how expansive the land around him is. It’s not a matter of “sucking it up.” If what you are doing is getting in the way of your spiritual growth, you need to stop and re-center yourself. Period. The next step, I think where you’re at now, is delving into yourself and whatever it is you’re passionate about. There’s a quote but I can’t remember where I read it – it goes, “Whatever you do as a hobby should actually be your career.” I have not seen more truer words when it comes to advice on how to handle your future.
Be brave and trust that your heart knows what it’s doing. Any time fear or doubt creeps in and tells you to get a stable job and a reliable income, recognize this as your ego trying to stop you from getting out of your comfort zone and maturing. Trust yourself, trust the path you’re on, and trust that your passions are your strongest source of energy and will take you where you need to go. Much love, and peace be with you.
How to be an artist? Start creating… whatever your heart/mind overflows with, express anything into something as long as it’s you…
And yes your broken foot Was a miracle, a miracle saving you from spending life doing something you don’t like and setting you on your path towards being the expression of what you’re writing, because you could not be more right, you’re set for an undefined lifetime, don’t waste it fitting in to the dogma’s of society, pursue whatever attracts you and do it wholeheartedly.. Keep your costs low, do some work to earn money here and there if you have to, but keep pursuing what feels naturally for you.. There are endless quotes out there fitting your situation, from Steve Jobs “The thing called life is made up by people no smarter than you” to Alan Watts “Why go on surviving, if surviving means doing something you don’t wanna do?” (not exact quotes I admit)
So yes you can remain jobless, but “develop” yourself, “explore” yourself, don’t use the time given to you in this situation to sit and watch netflix or likewise – read, think, feel, evolve, pursue, act.. :-)
Best of luck!! (and maybe less angel oracle cards and more living in the moment without expectations brought into mind by external influences ;-))