I Am F**king Out!

Quincy (@forward) 8 years, 6 months ago

I know many HEthens on here are similar in respects to many having that lingering feeling within ourselves, that seeks a bigger picture, clarity or the need for something new, bigger, exciting! But, I’m 23 now and have always had the accompanying desire to fill a book bag, find a willing friend, and just start walking… Since the beginning of high school, I’d say. I know I can’t always rely on people to help me through, or to solve all of my problems but this has always seemed to be th “bigger picture” I’ve sought but seemingly impossible without… anyone! However… the journey could be what brings these people into my life as opposed to them being an accompanying, ensuer of the journey… make sense?
I’ve been ut of my home state since 99, and permanantly returned about 8 months ago. I’ve had a few jobs, made a couple friends, and still go to a few classes but this all seems empty. I’ve moveed around so much that regardless of how shy I can be meeting people is easy but so horribly embeded in me as socially uncomfortable because no one or very few know who I want people to know me as (not neccessarily ‘oh he plowed my snow for free’ nice but on those deepest of friend levels). These people, really none, are as close, physically or as the friends we were. On top of being in my words ‘betrayed’ lol by more than expected on the way here, I find it easy to stay out of touch and harder to trust in people, and in a way myself, enough to get so close to people – fearing I’ll get burned, I’ll leave or they will.
For most of my life the moving wasn’t a choice, but being older I just find it hard to get up, leave, friend or not and 1.) feel like dick simply because my family has done so much – they don’ know how I feel 2.) have no idea where to go, not really a problem but I didn’t even know it was supposed to snow yesterday we got a foot, no car, no friend – this would e a complete non-issue with someone there with me 3.) fear remaining the same ‘loner in the bar’ mentality like it feels like now.
I just want… the fuck… out… Its too hard to explain to an 83 yo woman why I need to take care of myself before an entire family. Once a few years back for spring break, a friend and I made plans to wander around for come back… I had some fraternity biz 3 nights before. Got a call ‘xxx is missing, man. When you getting back?’… tldr he got crazy depressed, admitted himself to the hospital, got out friday for SB, I bought a lot of bud and forgot my newly planned SB of couch surfing.
I don’t really have any advice to ask of you all but, have any of you felt like this, similar story, maybe you even did take a real-life hiatus? I’m more curious as to what people have done and how they feel now, as opposed to hypothetical ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ answers.

February 4, 2014 at 1:06 pm
O’Reilly (804) (@oreilly) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

Sounds like you need a vacation dude. Almost all of us at some point or another just want to drop everything, and go somewhere else to start back up. Maybe there’s no need to leave permanently, but just get out for awhile. Take a couple of weeks and go somewhere you’ve always wanted to see. Short on cash? Take a couple of weeks and see how far you can hitchhike.

To be honest, I’m feeling somewhat similar myself. Just kind of all over the place in my mind. It’s exhausting and the crazy thing is that I know that I’m doing it to myself. Nobody else is doing anything to me. I’m not about to travel just yet, because I’m sorting out my work situation at the moment. Once that’s settled, I should be good to go in about a year or so. However, I did just do 3 weeks backpacking in Peru last October by myself. It was an awesome adventure. Good luck dude.

Jody Hatton (88) (@xdude) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

I purged/sold/donated everything I owned and moved to a tropical place 6 months (and one day) ago.

For the most part, it’s dramatically improved my life. I definitely brought all my problems with me, but being “on the road” made it a lot easier for me to face them head-on, and not get distracted by all the “things” I had in my old life. :)

Matt (19) (@mockingmatt) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

I’ll soon move out this coming April 2013
I feel scared and excited and anxious and happy
I’m only 19 and this is soon gonna be the new beginning of my life

My first goal when I move out is to find a new friend
By then I guess I’ll find my way

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