I Have Anger Issues, Feel Weak, and Can't Stick to a Habit. Here's My Question:

Jem (@sonofperrymason) 6 years, 11 months ago

First I want to introduce myself. I’m a 17 years old teenager boy. I’m not a native speaker so there can be some issues.

I still haven’t noticed what my problem is. I give up so easily at whatever I’m doing. I’m trying to solve math, I give up five mins later, I start doing exercises it can only last a few days. I have a guitar that is I bought with my money; I give up on that too because I think I’m not good at it too just like every other thing. I get angry so easily, But against myself. For example if I can’t solve a math problem, I get so mad. When I lose at Fifa, I get very angry. ( I found a short term solution for this by deleting FIFA, but I’m sure I will install it again in a few days.)

I was playing at a basketball club, and I was the leader of them. But then some guys came to the club. They were better than me, and one day I left the club and said “I’m not good enough, I’m pulling the team down.” My coach said he didn’t agree me and called me several times to invite me to club. But I didn’t go. Even I have the potential; I cannot get better at it. I used to try to do my best at whatever I am doing. But couldn’t be the best at any of these. I’m trying for years to get myself better. But I cannot see any difference at all. I have no faith in myself; I’ve lost all my self-confidence. All I’m doing is sleeping all day long. I got fat and lazy.

Every single night, I’m telling myself that tomorrow will be different. I’ll start to change. But I do same things that tomorrow as usual. I don’t think I will get a good job. I don’t think I will get a family. I’ve never dated girls so far. There were some girls that I liked, but I’ve lost their trust. I think they’re right. Who trusts me when I don’t trust myself? I’m feeling like I’m going down day by day. And I think I need a solution for this, to come back to life. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a suggestion about what should I do.

July 10, 2015 at 12:10 pm
Fernando (68) (@fercgomes) 6 years, 11 months ago ago

Hey man,

I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. When you say there is something wrong with you, you’re putting the blame to some external object and that puts you in a situation where you’re the victim waiting for a superhero to come and save you.

I assume that by coming here and putting all that out (which is a great step) you’re willing to change, but you should know first that it won’t come overnight.

You stated it yourself, you don’t have self-confidence. Own it. If you feel like you don’t trust yourself, it’s because of the things you did along the way. By accepting it and taking the responsibility, you will be able to take action. This blog has great self-improvement articles (look for the one about self-love). Make it your goal to become better than your yourself, and yourself only. Not tomorrow, NOW. Breathe to your balls and take the first step, and don’t stop.

I suggest that you read about self-love, mindfulness and meditation.

Don’t worry, things will work out fine. But only if you do something about it.

I’m sure other people will have some more insight for you.

Much love.

Evan (4) (@gomese) 6 years, 11 months ago ago

I’d like to first off say that, when i was your age (i am now 26… yikes!) I was exactly like you. I would let my emotions get the best of me, and most of the time I was miserable about my life. At the time I couldn’t understand why I was feeling the way I was, all I knew was that everything in my life seemed to be pretty negative. 

If I were to give you some sort of advice it would be: Learn to love yourself man. Nobody on this Earth is perfect. We all have our issues which sometimes takes control of our thoughts and emotions. Learn to observe your emotions, rather than your emotions control you. When you start to hear yourself talk negatively about yourself, just take a deep breath and really think about what your feeling and why you are feeling it. This is a small step towards being mindful of who you are. 

For me, my early 20s were very hard, but thankfully I had come across HE that kept me going through my life… I’m forever grateful for Jordan and Martijn for creating a website that keeps you questioning your life and who you really are. Keep browsing this site, I promise you that you will find articles which will help you through these tough times. But remember, everything will get better. You are at a point in life where you are heading towards adulthood… your emotions are changing, you are realizing that your ego is taking control of you and you are beginning to break free from it by coming here and asking for guidance.

For my last little piece of advice.. you said that you don’t have faith in yourself.. but i have faith in you. You are perfect at this very moment, and I know, that something positive will come from this. Never give up.. Thrive! I could go on forever, but i’m sure there are other people in this community that will chime in with more advice.

Peace & Love my friend.. everything will turn out :)

Peter (116) (@Gismo) 6 years, 11 months ago ago

LOL – I’m sorry, but that FIFA thing, man I feel you ! :-D I’ve been throwing my controller (into my bedcovers, for a soft landing though – need it to finish the game ;-P) that game-deciding goal by the opponent in the 90′ min. when your defenders fucks up or your keeper drops the ball, I’m telling you, even Buddha would go crazy on that ;-)
Yes I’m 33 and I still love a game of FIFA :-D

I’ve just been through somewhat of the same, having a down period, what I found was taking energy out of me was me overthinking things and then having negative feelings in my body due to the thoughts, negative feelings is negative energy and it will drain you! – what’s working for me is whenever my thoughts starts wandering, I blow out all the air I have in me and take a deep breath in while focusing on the air crossing my lips and just after I try to focus on something around me or do something, walk, shift position, “restart” – really try to make a habit out of it, it’s worked wonders for me, I’m getting back to training in the gym now and can feel my mood and energy lifting, I simply got lost in my mind, again, reclaim control of your mind, it’s yours ;-) 

Another thing would be about the “tomorrow things will change”, I would suggest avoiding putting up that “expectation” for the future, try accept being “down”, feel it, and maybe say “my energy will come back, and when it does, I’ll grab it and ride that wave till it breaks on the sunny beach” ;-) If you combine that with the meditation-like mind-calming approach of breathing more, I almost guarentee you, you will feel a change coming :-)

As the others say, read some uplifting stuff, there’s lots of good inspiration out there, and kudos for taking a step and putting your stuff out here, sharing takes courage, you did good! and keep believing, it will pass! Best of luck to you :-)

Ramistotle (76) (@mcr513) 6 years, 11 months ago ago

I had a very similar experience when I was your age. I tried guitar for 5 minutes, and never touched it again. I cried trying to understand math problems in classes I was so far behind in. I was a decent athlete, but there were always people better than me. I had a terribly unhealthy relationship with a girl. I actually got into a physical fight over a Super smash brothers match. 

Today, I’m 24, and not that person anymore. I call the change “breaking out of my shell.” I love playing guitar. I’ve passed multiple calculus courses with good grades. I’m not a professional athlete, but I have a lot of fun being active with people better and worse than me. I have been in a wonderful relationship for almost 4 years. Now, I just don’t play super smash brothers as much, but if I were to lose, I think I would handle it pretty gracefully. 

Poisitve change is possible- and necessary. I can’t imagine still being in that rut. Life is way too amazing and precious to have that kind of experience! 

Here’s what helped me:

You have to believe in yourself. I know it can be hard, but you need to change your attitude. You are abusing yourself just like I did. You have so much potential but you’re holding yourself back. Just begin by noticing negative thoughts and trying to replace them with positive ones. 

hated myself then and I love myself now. I make mistakes now, I learn what I did wrong, and then laugh it off and continue working. You have to accept that in order to be good at anything, you will make mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself or compare yourself to others. There will always be people ahead of you and behind you. 

For achieving goals, you need to accept that they take time and effort to accomplish. Nothing worth doing was ever easy. If you want it bad enough, you will enjoy the process in some way. You will also need to develop self-discipline, which is key to success. What helped me commit to guitar was telling myself that I’m not good at guitar now, but maybe in a couple years I will be good, and that is better than never. It worked out well. 

I feel for you, because I had the same experience, and I felt so overwhelmed and depressed. You’re doing the right thing reaching out to the HE community. If I had it when I went through my transformation, it would’ve been a lot easier. I did it all by myself though, which is why I know you can change for the better too. 

It’s hard to make such a big change. I recommend starting off spending a half hour or so on this site everyday reading something of interest. I think gradually you will be thinking and feeling more positive, and your life will transform.

Really, it’s just about being confident. Best of luck! 

Your English is very good by the way. 

Anonymous (0) (@) 6 years, 11 months ago ago

Try creating art. Painting.

Jem (4) (@sonofperrymason) 6 years, 11 months ago ago

Guys thanks for all of your replies. I think I feel a bit better now,  I left my home for a holidat I’ll back next week. It’s good to know that I’m not alone and I’ll try to apply your advices. I liked this forum and I think I’ll figure out some interesting topics too

Jem (4) (@sonofperrymason) 2 years, 7 months ago ago

It’s been 4 years, and it’s still the same. I guess this is called consistancy.

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